The 2nd raid of the Solomon Pirates: a report.
On Monday the 29th of June the Solomon Pirates collected their shiny new weapons and all other worldly possessions and once again set sail for unsuspecting nations to raid. One has to start small and warm up before doing the real work, so we decided to settle some unfinished business with the small island nation of Vanuatu and their national MU "OverPowered" first.
Early in the battle it became clear that we had roughly awoken the small island nation with our thundering cannons and a crazed pirate screaming over the blasts of the cannons: "Where is my damn rum you scallywags! I know you are the ones that took it!". The defenders were not prepared for the chaos that ensued and we managed to defeat the sleepy Vanuatuan defenders with relative ease, thus overpowering the OverPowered.
The crazed pirate eventually resorted to questioning every local he came across...
In the end it seemed more time was spent on looking for the missing rum than actually fighting the defenders. This left many pirates with their guns still loaded and their swords in pristine condition, all too eager for a fight against a worthy opponent. So it was decided; we would attack the next island nation the following morning and we set sail for Fiji.
When the sun came up the pirates were already in position for their next attack and without wasting any time the horde of pirates eagerly stormed the beaches of Fiji. Expecting heavy resistance from Fiji's allies, the pirates were surprised to find nobody there except for a few of Fiji's brave defenders and the Vanuatuans. Somehow the Vanuatuans had managed to escape during the battle for Vanuatu and were now fighting to defend Fiji. But it would make no difference in the end, this horde of pirates was looking for a fight and we came well prepared. It soon became clear to us that this fight too, would not be the fight that we had been looking for. The defenders were once again defeated early in the battle and this left many pirates walking in circles on the deck of their ship, not knowing what to do with all this firepower they had brought. Eventually a few of us had enough and decided to just start shooting at our own people and in an amazing feat they did more damage to our own crew than the defenders managed to do.
When the smoke had risen and the battlefield had quieted down we started to look out at the sea again in search of a new target. It had to be a strong nation that would be able to put up a good fight and there had to be plenty of rum around so we could finally refill our empty stocks. So there was really only one place for us to go: Hawaii. Conquering Hawaii would allow us to go in many directions including the US west coast and with the many tourist attractions on Hawaii we were certain to find rum there. With a new target in our sights and a taste for rum that was not satisfied for too long we set sail, once again.
Early in the morning the next day the pirate horde stormed the beaches and harbours of Hawaii in a total surprise attack. Unprovoked and totally unexpected jets suddenly... wait... didn't i see this one before? Anyway, we encountered almost no resistance when we stormed the beaches of Hawaii since the defenders were all still sleeping soundly. This left us with plenty of time to discuss what our next steps would be. And it was perhaps at this point in time that the first seeds for the bigger plan were planted. When the battle for Hawaii ended the pirates went out to search for the best tiki bar to finally quench that thirst for rum and many coconuts filled with rum were had that night.
Some jokes had to be made of course...
The rum invigorated the pirates and early next morning we all stood at the ready again to continue the raid. This time our sights were set on the US west coast. Our expectations had been lowered and by this point our goal was to preserve some of our precious firepower for a bigger, more interesting battle later. Like we expected, the battle for the US west coast was not even half a fight. Like in Hawaii and the battles before we put up our "wall of damage" and then practiced patience as good as one can expect from a group of wild pirate monkeys. During the battle for the US west coast the decision was made to waste no time and attack Alaska immediately after. Both of those battles went exactly like expected and a small group of pirates (and a small following of Vanuatuan groupies) had now made their way from the Solomon Islands all the way over to Alaska, leaving a trail of destruction and memes in their wake.
Easy fights that became more coordinated as we went along. Expectations were tempered.
With Alaska firmly under our control and their alcoholic beverages secured for safekeeping on our ships it was time to initiate the final phase of this glorious raid and finally fight a truly worthy opponent. The big plan was to attack Lithuania and unleash the might of the entire pirate crew on them in a final blaze of glory. And then more likely than not lose that battle... but not without having tested our crew's limits and achieving the goal of breaking our record of the biggest battle fought by the Solomon Islands. You see, we pirates don't care much if we lose as long as we go out with a bang. All we needed this whole time was not the treasure or the rum but simply that one worthy opponent, that would give us the big fight we had been waiting for and give us the much needed rest to peacefully retreat back into eco mode.
And so it started. The first half of the first round we managed to gain and hold the advantage by unleashing the Solomon air forces and about two weeks worth of Pater Anderson's hard work in the form of bounties on the surprised Lithuanian defenders. Prompting their president to contact our captain with the justified question: "What do you want from us?". Which was of course answered with a simple yet accurate reply: "Just having some fun lol". As the battle raged on, more and more orders came flying in on both sides. By the halfway point of the first round there were jets flying, tanks rolling, mercs picking up bounties and whole bank accounts being emptied. By this point half the world was somehow involved in the battle and it became even bigger than we had dreamed of. After the halfway point of the round the Lithuanians and their allies started picking up the pace and it became a tug of war with bounties going up back and forth. This all added onto the already big battle and made many a pirate very happy. Except for Pater Anderson who had just seen half of his life's work being burned up by the captain in a battle of the bounties with Lithuania... Pater Anderson was last seen in a bar on Hawaii emptying the last of the rum reserves.
We don't know if Pater Anderson will ever financially recover from this...
Both sides kept fighting fiercely all the way through round one. As the second half progressed it became clear that too many of the pirates were already too poor and drunk by this point to keep fighting the overwhelming amounts of damage being done by the opponent and their allies. And thus it became clear that this would be where our legendary raid would finally come to its end. A raid to remember that in the end managed to meet all of our expectations. We achieved our goal of breaking our own record in the biggest battle fought by the Solomon Islands yet and we went out with a bang against a worthy opponent. Now it's time for us to go back home, enjoy the peaceful eco mode life and prepare for our next raid. The sea is safe once more and Mexico can sleep easy knowing the pirate crew has returned to a blissful rum induced sleep.
Congratulations to Lithuania on a battle well fought and providing us with the entertainment. Thanks to all pirates that participated in this raid for making it fun. Special thanks to our captain for leading this bunch of crazed pirate monkeys. My condolences to Pater Anderson, we will donate a lot i promise!
