u/42lintilla

I live on a completely different continent to the rest of my family. Have done for almost half my life now. But now my mom has brain cancer/GBM and I feel so goddamn helpless. I was able to drop everything and fly to Indonesia when the initial diagnosis happened, but now that they're in the States the time difference and the 15 hour flight from Sydney and the World Cup fucking up air travel prices are really killing me.

I feel like most people would expect me to be distant from my family, but honestly I'm in touch with my parents more than some of my friends with local family are. We are extremely close, despite the geographical distance. And not being able to be there to provide practical support fucking hurts.

I can't exactly drop the life I've built here over the last 21 years and quit my job and rush to her bedside. I feel like such a bad kid even though I'm doing everything I can.

This is shit and I hate it.

Has anyone else been in a situation like this?

Short recap: Mom has terminal brain cancer. They've paused their trip sailing around the world to deal with it. I'm currently in Australia, they're in the US now, having left their boat in Indonesia.

My dad is struggling. When we were together in Indonesia, in quiet moments alone he was pretty despairing. But on the phone and on video he tries to put on a brave face. When I try to talk to him about anything, it's just, "Oh, I'm ok."

I sent him a link to a support group for carers but I doubt he'll go. He didn't acknowledge it.

Fortunately my sibling will be heading down in a couple of weeks, so hopefully they can help talk to him a bit.

Has anyone else been through this who has any advice or words of wisdom/commiseration for me?

Hey everyone. I'm not sure what I want from this, other than to perhaps share my story and hear from others who have been through similar things.

My parents have been sailing around the world for the last 10 years. I have lived in Sydney, Australia for the last 20 years, although I'm originally from the US (Washington State).

My parents were in Indonesia for the last 6 months. I visited in February and we sailed around Bali and Lombok for a couple of weeks. All was well then, except some back pain which Mom went back to the States to have treated.

After she returned, my dad went away to sail in a regatta from Mississippi to Mexico with his brother. During that time my mom started having trouble speaking. She's usually very erudite, so this was really distressing for everyone. We encouraged her to go to the hospital ASAP. Fortunately a local friend was able to help her with the doctors, as they were in an area where not a lot of folks speak English.

After CT and contrast MRI, they discovered a tumour in her left frontal lobe. They recommended heading to the closest big city, Surabaya, for a biopsy and next steps.

Dad took a hellish itinerary back from Mexico to be with Mom as soon as he could. They decided to head straight to Surabaya ahead of their appointment with the neurosurgeon. This ended up being a good thing, because at the beginning of a day of sightseeing Mom suddenly felt like something was wrong. By the time they got to the emergency room, she couldn't speak and could barely walk. Overnight she had a seizure which meant they decided to do emergency surgery to remove the tumour.

At that point, I dropped everything and flew to Surabaya to be there with both of them. Dad had to head back to Banyuwangi to get the boat ready to go into storage on the hard, and I stayed with Mom to keep her company, make sure she took her meds and make sure she didn't have another seizure (fortunately, no).

​

Pathology initially showed a grade 2 glioma. The neurosurgeon was surprised, saying the MRI showed enhancement that made him think it was a higher grade. Today, I heard from my parents that after genetic testing, looks like a grade 4 GBM after all.

I'm back in Sydney now, and my parents have flown to Oakland, CA to stay with my aunt in her little granny flat/"casita" in the backyard. It's the perfect spot for them to be from an insurance standpoint and an access to loved ones standpoint. My grandmother is heading over there shortly from Mississippi, as is my brother from Seattle, and friends and family are lining up around the block to see them.

Meanwhile, I'm on the other side of the world and reeling. In a way it was easier when I was in Indo because I was in the thick of things, just doing what needed to be done. But now I'm back home and back at work and everything is happening on the other side of the International Date Line and I'm really feeling the distance.

Hey everyone. I'm not sure what I want from this, other than to perhaps share my story and hear from others who have been through similar things.

​

My parents have been sailing around the world for the last 10 years. I have lived in Sydney, Australia for the last 20 years, although I'm originally from the US (Washington State).

​

My parents were in Indonesia for the last 6 months. I visited in February and we sailed around Bali and Lombok for a couple of weeks. All was well then, except some back pain which Mom went back to the States to have treated.

​

After she returned, my dad went away to sail in a regatta from Mississippi to Mexico with his brother. During that time my mom started having trouble speaking. She's usually very erudite, so this was really distressing for everyone. We encouraged her to go to the hospital ASAP. Fortunately a local friend was able to help her with the doctors, as they were in an area where not a lot of folks speak English.

​

After CT and contrast MRI, they discovered a tumour in her left frontal lobe. They recommended heading to the closest big city, Surabaya, for a biopsy and next steps.

​

Dad took a hellish itinerary back from Mexico to be with Mom as soon as he could. They decided to head straight to Surabaya ahead of their appointment with the neurosurgeon. This ended up being a good thing, because at the beginning of a day of sightseeing Mom suddenly felt like something was wrong. By the time they got to the emergency room, she couldn't speak and could barely walk. Overnight she had a seizure which meant they decided to do emergency surgery to remove the tumour.

​

At that point, I dropped everything and flew to Surabaya to be there with both of them. Dad had to head back to Banyuwangi to get the boat ready to go into storage on the hard, and I stayed with Mom to keep her company, make sure she took her meds and make sure she didn't have another seizure (fortunately, no).

​

Pathology showed a grade 2 glioma. The neurosurgeon was surprised, saying the MRI showed enhancement that made him think it was a higher grade.

​

I'm back in Sydney now, and my parents have flown to Oakland, CA to stay with my aunt in her little granny flat/"casita" in the backyard. It's the perfect spot for them to be from an insurance standpoint and an access to loved ones standpoint. My grandmother is heading over there shortly from Mississippi, as is my brother from Seattle, and friends and family are lining up around the block to see them.

​

Meanwhile, I'm on the other side of the world and reeling. In a way it was easier when I was in Indo because I was in the thick of things, just doing what needed to be done. But now I'm back home and back at work and everything is happening on the other side of the International Date Line and I'm really feeling the distance.

​

Anyway. That's me. How are you?