I've never had a real friend
It is always the same pattern. Happened multiple times in schools or university.
I was part of some "friend group", but wasn't close with anyone. I was always pretty introverted. I was usually invited to things, but no one actually missed me when I couldn't make it. The people I was closest to had always already had their own best friends, friends, family etc. and I was a filler person. When I got tired and stopped reaching out no one really noticed. When I got pretty depressed and was sad for a while, the friend group started a new chat without me.
By the time I started working in a corporate setting I developed a strong need to always "be in the room that it happens" because that's the only way to avoid the risk of " someone starting group chat without me" situation. Turns out this behaviour promotes you fast, I'm a leader now, managing a dozen people, I play the extroverted happy kind helpful friendly person role and it works flawlessly, but that's just work, it's all an act and I still can't do it in private life for real, it's like that part of my brain is missing.
After 25+ years of this circus I get that there is something wrong with me, but sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have one real friend I could talk to about anything, we would get each other's backs, go for a coffee, travel, send memes to, anything.