Whats the dollar to abuse conversion rate?
They think I took advantage of their love. But it was never love that they showed me, it was just financial support. And I agree that some kids would love to have that from their parents, but they use this financial support and leverage it to get ‘results’ from their investments. They think I owe it to them.
They portray it as if they are worried about me, but they are not. They are just concerned about losing their hard-earned money on a stupid fuckall child like me.
They think being financially supportive cancels out all the emotional absence and years’ worth of trauma inflicted on me, mental and emotional.
All those times when I locked myself up in the bathroom and wished for God to save me. Just save me from this. And I promised myself that if I grow up to be capable enough, I will send them to jail. I promised 14-year-old me that I would get revenge for inflicting that mental trauma on me throughout my childhood.
They show me that I owe them results and that if I don’t give them that, they are going to cut me off. They have made me believe and made me lose faith in myself that I can maybe earn for myself one day. They completely believe in that fact, and maybe it is true. Maybe I am not capable of anything, and I deserve to suffer all my life. What I don’t deserve is them thinking it's alright to mentally abuse me in exchange for money and keep dangling that aspect over my head.
They can keep telling me that they are my only option and they are my god, that if I cut them off, my self-worth is nothing and I will be nothing without them; I cannot survive without them.
I have heard that so many times that I doubt all of it is true. I feel so conflicted as to what should I do but I just cant figure it out.