What to do when you're in an "talks the talk but doesn't walk the walk" situation?
I don't want to sound like I am complaining, but often my GF (together for 5 years) says a lot of stuff, but literally never follows through.
Recently she was at her mom's for a few weeks. We exchanged lots of spicy texts. In it she talked about BJ's and so much more. But when she came back, it was spicy for a bit. No BJ. I talked about stuff too, and when she was back I said let's do X and Y (things primarily for her pleasure). No.
OK, I did pester a little and she "gave in" and enjoyed it. But then nothing afterwards. This was like a month ago. She talks about Oral sex a lot but I think I have received 2 maybe 3 in the time I've been with her. I literally offer ALL THE TIME to go down on her but she says no that she feels gross or embarrassed or whatever. I still ask every few weeks even though I know the answer because 2 or 3 times she's enthusiastically said yes and enjoyed it.
But what do I do on my end. It's not just blowjobs but it basically anything spicy. So much talk but never any follow through. It's gotten to the point where she thinks she is saying something sexy but internally I'm rolling my eyes thinking "yeah right".
Granted I've never outright asked for it. Because it's pointless and I know she will say no. Sex is almost exclusively on her terms, I'll initiate - she declines - "I'm too tired" "I'm too hot" "I don't feel like it" "I feel gross" etc. But when she initiates I have to GO.
I know this is a wider issue to work on so I don't want it to cloud the overall question of "what to do when there's no follow through" but I've said this in case it's relevant?
And I don't want to complain too much because frequency is "OK". I have a higher sex drive that her. I think we are roughly 1-2x a week. I could probably do 4-5x if I am honest so I don't want to be the asshole who complains about lack of oral sex or sex in general when I still get most weeks. Because I feel like if I pole the bear of "you said you'd do X" I risk just losing her to a sense of "well I guess I won't say anything then". Kinda thing, and I don't want her to feel pressured or forced to do anything. I just want whatever horniness she has in that moment when she says it to actually come to fruition. Or am I asking too much?