How can I understand BPD?
//Cw: kind of sensitive/harsh questions? It comes from a place of genuine confusion, but I understand if some people don’t feel comfortable needing the explain their ‘why’. Mods feel free to take this down if it’s too insensitive.
Hello!! I have a very close friend who has BPD. They often confide in me and tell me that they’re scared of me leaving them or hating them to the point of a visceral reaction, which I’m having trouble understanding.
I have autism (+highly suspected OCPD, which I think is relevant) so putting myself in their shoes is very difficult for me. I know I don’t have to fully understand to be supportive, but I want to be a good friend and put in some effort to ‘get’ it.
I know not all pwBPD experience the same symptoms in the same way, obviously, but I wanted to see if any of you could put the ‘motivation’ into words in a way they can’t. If any of you have had experience in explaining your thought process to someone with impaired empathy, I would appreciate your input.
Here are some things specifically that I do not ‘get’:
•How someone can be so preoccupied with their friends and relationships…it sounds like a very inefficient use of energy.
•How any amount of trauma translates into caring who is or isn’t your friend/partner.
•Why you rely on people (the most fickle part of our lives besides ourselves) for validation and stability.
•And why, upon repeatedly not receiving that stability, you keep seeking it out from the same source.
I heard someone online say that the fear of being left was like ‘that anxious feeling you get when you misplace your phone but multiplied by 1000’ but all I can think is ‘why?’. A phone is a practical and expensive item, while people cost nothing and have no actual use.
Sorry if these questions sound super clueless, weird, or insensitive, as that is not my intention. I simply wish to be honest about where my confusion lies so I can receive a response that addresses it properly.
I logically know that invalidation of emotions in childhood is what leads to this intense care of what people think, but I just don’t get it enough to not be internally confused about it, as shameful as that is to admit :(
TL;DR: I don’t get why relationships are so important to your guys’ brains and would like to understand it at least cognitively to better support my friend w/BPD :)