Gambling has ruined me
Gambling has turned me into someone I can no longer stand to be.
For context: Mid 30’s. Two beautiful children. Divorced. Supporting Family. Great career. Outsider looking in, my life appears to be pretty damn good.
In my lifetime, I have lost close to $500,000 in cash. There have been months I have refrained from gambling. But when the sickness takes over, it comes back in full force. I have struggled with anxiety depression since a kid. I was exposed to hard core drugs in highschool which I feel plays a huge impact on my brains chemical make up. The gambling is an escape from me. I may have $3,000 in my account on a Friday and by Sunday morning it is all gone. The repeating guilt and stress seems to be on constant repeat. Even though I know how the story will unfold, I continue to gamble.
I have let down so many people in my life due to the addiction. If it were not for my supportive father, I would be in a much worst financial situation than I currently am. The stress and anxiety that this sickness has caused me is crippling. My confidence and mind set has shifted so much. I barely recognize the person I have become.
I want to also add this… After my divorce, I have only been in one serious relationship. My kids have expressed that they do not want me being with anyone else besides there mom. I feel that I try and feel the void of being lonely by gambling. I have messed around on dating apps and online alternatives to feel the void. But at the end of the day, all it is an escape from reality. I know that these relationships will not amount to anything. Which in turn makes me gamble. Which results in me being depressed and hating life. The never ending loop continues….
I am reaching out for help, advice, suggestions at this point… Can anyone else relate to what I am going through? My life is headed down a horrible path if I continue to live the way I am. I hate myself more and more every day for what I have done to myself and my family.
TIA 🙏