r/problemgambling

I’m going to throw up. I spent my entire paycheck within hours of getting it. I have bills pending, I can’t get groceries for another two weeks. I can’t live this way anymore, I don’t want to live at all anymore. I cancelled my debit card, self excluded, and blocked any apps I could think of. I just can’t believe I did this.. I am so upset with myself.

We put our focus on money and then we crumble to bits...

To accept the things I cannot change...didn't I try to change them and aren't I still able to change them—by doing the same thing yet again, expecting different (and more favorable) results? Insanity is built into gambling and doesn't even hide.

The courage to change what I can...I cannot change what happened, but can't I go back to the same thing that put me in this unfavorable position? Can't I win? Didn't I want serenity from this thing that took it away from me? It's only right that my serenity be returned to me by this thing that has a surefire way of taking it from me, is it not?

Logically, I think that's why we went back to gambling so much: we sought justice from an unjust system until we realized the only way to make things fair was to disengage it. What did we lose? Our autonomy and integrity—more than anything else...

Our brains got hijacked and we complied to a new way of being where gambling was now the higher power, a higher power of a lowly nature that we sold the rights to. There is another higher power we turn our will over to that actually has the best intentions for us if we set the intention for the right things—the righteous things. Gambling gave me exactly what I needed, and for me that is the knowledge that gambling is perhaps the last thing I need.

Do we need money? Well, a little extra would be nice, sure. Did we need to lose it to see what we really need? The only way I found resolve was to lose the money. When I was winning, I couldn't stop. It didn't matter if I took out redemptions and secured profit, because there was more profit to be had, and all that profit was manufactured to be returned with interest. I did pay to win. I did pay for entertainment packaged as freedom. I did enslave myself to paying for a feeling of superiority, and I did have to be humbled (and still need to be).

The only conclusion, the mathematically decided conclusion, was for me to lose and to seek elsewhere. But how many of us begin to seek elsewhere and how many times did we keep seeking gambling as the solution before we could get a clear enough picture of what was happening? Of that I am not sure, but there are no excuses for me anymore.

It's no longer about money. The only way it's about money is when we gamble, and it takes so much more than the money, draining us of more than we wagered for. I hope we get through just one day here, deflecting whatever arrows come from the enemy. I hope that when we reach the end of the day, we go to bed grateful. I hope this for everyday for everyone.

First of all i wanted to say thanks to everyone that has been sharing their stories here. It encouraged me to never ever gamble or do stupid choices again.

Today im 26 days free, and i can honestly say that it feels good. It was very hard the first few days but the more i read and thought about all the consequences gambles does to you i woke up more.

I finally realise why i did stupid stuffs and lied to my girlfriend and everyone around me all the time and mostly myself. it was the compulsive behavior that almost destroyed me. Ive been struggling with regrets and shame and yesterday i finally cried out and said sorry to my girlfriend for all the times i behaved bad towards her and finally admitted that I Was the problem not her.

YOU CAN ALL DO IT GUYS, stay strong and positive.

Feel free to write to me if u wanna talk! im here!

All love

edit: I started gambling/stocks and chasing losses for 6 years now.

I have struggled with gambling addiction for the past year, my friends showed me stake I got really into it and ended up winning 7 thousand on plinko over a months time ended up losing that all in 3 days and 7 thousand in credit card debt due to cash advances, ever since then I haven’t been able to stop for more than a week as soon as I deposit 1 dollar I end up putting my whole bank account in and I haven’t won any money in over 4 months, I don’t know what to do anymore I’m scared that gambling will be the end of me.

Man it’s been a while but I had 5k saved up and slowly but quickly I managed to drain it all on going to casino & playing online casino . Live black jack hands & every possible gambling game .
So far I am down 100k USD since I started gambling at 18. I stopped at 25 then I relapsed again like a month ago & couldn’t stop gambling. I am 27 now.
I feel like a weak man , don’t gamble it’s very dumb & fuks with your mentality & you become sleep deprived.
This week has been a nightmare too , I managed to go negative 2k .
Basically I have $0 & I promised my self to not be in this position. But here I am back were I was hahaha
I blocked all the online gambling platforms.
Let’s hope for this recovery to be good.
I say this again, don’t gamble unless you’re fine with losing money.
I am done gambling. Hopefully I stay true to my word. I pray & wish everyone a great life .

Think before depositing. Maybe saving that $1000 is better to keep or invest into stock market & have shares.

Ps - $3000 usd is like 4 years of minimum wage in poor countries like Bangladesh.
Some people grind & hustle for $$$ & we just fuking burn it (give it to casinos).

4 years clean here.
For me it wasn't the biggest loss. It wasn't even the worst night. It was a random Tuesday morning, refreshing the same app for the 40th time, and realizing I hadn't actually felt anything in months. Not when I won, not when I lost. Just numb.
That was the moment. Not rock bottom. Just the silence under all of it.
I keep coming back to this community because I'm trying to understand something. We all have a story about losing. But almost nobody talks about the exact second the switch flipped, the moment you went from "I'll stop tomorrow" to "I'm actually done."
What was yours?
Drop it in the comments if you're up for it, even one line. Or message me if it's something you'd rather not share publicly. Either is good.
No judgment. Just trying to understand something I lived through too.

Hi everyone!

I’ve been a lurker on this sub for a really long time.

I’m 33F and I relapsed last night after not playing online slots for a few months, so I’m pretty disappointed in myself.. What I noticed is my gambling addiction has spiraled because I’m making bigger bets ($5-10+) when I used to only play $2-3 max, as well as depositing larger amounts..

I still don’t know what my trigger is. And it’s super frustrating. It feels like it literally comes out of the blue and I’ll tell myself I’ll only be playing $100 and end up putting in a boat load more. Even if I win, I never cash out. Last night, I lost the most I ever have - $3500, and all pulled from my line of credit. I just have 0 control at this point.

I make $55k annually. I have an emergency fund of $12k, but other than that I have no real savings or anything in an RRSP. Feeling like a real failure and I just have no one to talk to about this.. I was making real progress paying off debt I had before this relapse, and it was only around $3k, so I was feeling really good.. Now it’s right back up to $6,500. I hate this rollercoaster :(

I resorted to asking ChatGPT for advice even because I’ve been struggling with suicidal thoughts and my mind has been telling me all day to “try again, you can win it back.” But I know I’ll just dig myself into a deeper hole and I hate myself for that thought crossing my mind because it makes me feel so powerless, shameful, and guilty..

A good piece of advice that ChatGPT did give me (and it also made me realize this might tie into some sort of trigger why I do gamble) is when I pay off debt and get to a “good place”, it gives me this “false sense of security”. I was thinking of taking some money from my TFSA/emergency fund to pay off this $3500 I blew, but I’m almost afraid to because I know it’ll create that feeling once again, whether that’s in a few months or tomorrow. Thankfully, my line of credits interest is very low so I may just bite the bullet and suffer my consequences paying this debt off the long & hard way. I really don’t want to take money from my only savings at the end of the day..

I guess I just needed to vent. And I would like to hear from anyone who may feel the same way, have any advice, or could relate to the false security blanket being pulled over our eyes.

Thank-you guys! This is day 1 for me - we could do this.

🫶

I lost $135,000 and I woke up after 3 days and cannot believe it happened this feels so much like a nightmare how did I let myself loose everything..!!!
I’m still in shock I don’t know how to move on , I have less than $4000 left in my savings ..! I cannot believe I lost a brand new bmw ..!
I hate myself I hate this addiction I lost all my savings all gone in less than 2 days , I don’t know what to do anymore …!
Plz someone help me how do I forget this and move on ? How ? This is not three or four thousand this is really really big money ..!
I’m such a looser I hate myself ..?

Today, while I was chasing a relatively small loss on roulette (around $50), it finally hit me: this is not a fair fight.

No matter what kind of strategy you use, and no matter how well it seems to work for a while, it will eventually fail. And when it does, you are the one who has to suffer the consequences. The house doesn't care how much money you have; all that matters is that their bankroll is infinite. You simply cannot win.

I truly understood this today as I was sitting there, trying to come up with some twisted, desperate strategy just to win back that small amount I lost during my session. That’s when everything I’ve read on this sub finally clicked: the system is designed from the ground up to drain you and rob you blind.

Even though my lifetime losses are around $8,000, realizing this truth made me stop. I gave up on chasing that $50 loss. Instead, I initiated a withdrawal of my remaining funds and requested a permanent self-exclusion.

No amount of winning can bring enough joy to outweigh the risk that chasing even a tiny amount can completely ruin me financially. I’m done. Goodbye, gambling.

From now on, I’m going to focus on being the best version of myself and fixing the mistakes I've made in my life.

I wish for all of you to find your way back to yourselves and to starve the beast.

I don't know what to say, I just gambled $1000 in one night chasing a $50 loss. I've been clean for 5 months, and getting a bonus email from a casino triggered it. That's half my paycheck of this month gone.

Lowest I've been

23 M here.

I just lost 6k on a cruise. I wasnt going to even be able to lose that much until I found out that room charges arent cash advances and I can just charge money to the room.

I didnt max out any credit cards. But I will have 6k on one because of this gambling problem on the cruise. with a 10k limit im gonna work religious to try and pay down. The 28% APR scares me.

I feel alone, I feel ashamed, and I feel like a failure as a man and a failure as a son to my dad because I broke my promise of no gambling to him.

It was an endless cycle. I won more than enough to be liquid or 100 dollars in debt multiple times and i just couldnt stop. It just kept itching and itching and itching me....

I want to fix myself and be better but dont even know how to begin. I want to start going to Gamblers anonymous meetings. But I need other resources.

I think im gonna put my dad in charge of my finances as well.

I have been struggling with a serious gambling addiction for the past seven or eight months, and during that time, I have lost more than half a year’s salary. I have put myself in a terrible financial position with personal and payday loans and getting behind on bills. I’m broke.

I have been hiding this from my girlfriend, who I live with. I am committed to stopping gambling. I stopped this week, and I am committed to seeking treatment and self-exclusion, but I don’t know how to tell her.

I know it will crush her and will likely end our relationship. It is difficult because things between us feel good right now, and she seems happy, but it is built on a lie that I cannot hide anymore. I am struggling to have the conversation. Given the financial reality, I know I have to tell her today or at least this week, but I cannot seem to find the right way or time.

I’m 25 and homeless I gambled away my rent money last month which lead to me being homeless and all my things at the side of the road I couldn’t take anything besides small things because I have no car so all my stuff was taken, I was studying to take the asvab to get into the navy I let myself be completely taken over by gambling and only realized when it was too late I have no one I can talk to so I figured I’ll come here. I haven’t gambled since becoming homeless (2 weeks) the reality of it hit me hard currently sitting at a park contemplating my life sometimes I want to end it but I’m trying to find the light in this dark situation do not gamble at all it will ruin your life. (Update) on my way to a shelter with the help of Alex king from the comments I’m very thankful for his help this is a turning point in my life I will never touch gambling again I will go to the navy I won’t fall in this pit again

I used to gamble in games when I was a kid. I ran my own casino in habbo hotel when I was 9. I gambled in Runescape. These all have a part in my addiction.

However, the real damage is done in the last 1.5 yrs. I was under high financial pressure. Still am. Got married. She found out about 9 months befote marrying. Promised her to never do it again. I managed to stay clean after that promise for about 5 months. Since then it has been downward hard. Im in debts she doesnr know about.

I have a plan. It will take me about 18 months to fully be debt free. Im escaping the conversation. I want to fix it myself, and not hurt her.

Im ~23k eur in debt. Hopefully I can make it.

Stay strong everyone. Fuck gambling.

I’m 27F if it matters. I’ve realized that since my introduction to gambling, about 2 years ago, It’s gradually slipped into uncontrollable behavior. That’s been really difficult to admit to myself, I’ve never struggled with impulse control with any other vice. Alcohol, drugs, sex… I’ve had no shortage of opportunity to form an unhealthy relationship with any of them. I just… never struggled.

I’ve always had empathy for addicts of all kinds. The opioid epidemic capital is my hometown. Heartbreaking scenes on every side walk here. The community truly hates them, they protest every recovery clinic that’s built. From my own parents I’ve only heard cruel judgements toward them. I didn’t understand living in addiction anymore than my parents, but I knew there was no logic in a healthy mind speed running its own destruction.

And now I get it on a different level. My only saving grace is the small credit union I bank through, declining about 80% of the transactions I’ve tried to make. That wasn’t very bothersome initially, but I can see now had that not been the case I would have zero dollars to my name. I’ve been watching every recovering gambling addict interview I can find. One man referenced something called “the invisible line”, a moment only you can identify, when “I want to bet” becomes “I have to bet”. He described how suddenly, he felt comfortable doing things he’d never dare in his healthy mind- just to make that next bet. The line is relative, but It took no effort to identify my own line. It made me sick.

While logically I understand addiction is a disease just as deserving of care and grace as a physical one- I’m struggling to apply the logic to myself. I feel this is my fault. Not immediately feeling repulsed by the stupidity of risking money you work hard for. The “I’m smarter than this” idea- which implies indirectly that other admits are stupid. Something else I do not believe whatsoever. How did you understand yourself objectively without shame? I’m starting GA to prevent this getting worse. In the meantime, I always like personal reflection and lived experience. Love and healing to all. 5/19/26 was my final bet. It will not heal whatever lies broken in me.

I thought recovering from this would be a breeze.

Here's the jist to save from my long-winded rant: "You’re describing the psychological mutation that happened underneath it — the transition from believing you were exercising intelligence to realizing you were actually negotiating with self-worth."

I remember a time when I had this "strategy"—this seemingly repeatable way of coming out of a session with profit, with pride. I remember when this strategy first failed...I remember how unfair it was. I remember, after reattempting and escalating this strategy, realizing there is no such thing as a reliable strategy (or strategy whatsoever). All in all, I remember starting as a reasonable, strategic gambler and then becoming a reckless junkie—a glutton for luck and a sucker for punishment. I have refused to even take an honest look at myself in the heat of it all, in the rush of trying to rectify some demolished persona...this teething desire to be right, fed by a system of external validation.

A system of external validation. Let's sink into that for a bit. Being able to take an honest look at myself now, to take my personal inventory, I cannot avoid some things. Before I continue here, I want to say I am speaking about casino games and poker more than sports or day trading, as I know those come with their own set of rational delusions (if you will—oxymoronic air intended).

Gambling kept me blind from acknowledging that it was feeding my need for resolution. This thing that artificially bolstered my self esteem and sense of value, this gambling, distracted me from realizing this personality deficit I have—this defect of character. I was using gambling as a reflecting pool...as the mirror on the wall for a hungry ego.

It rewarded me on its own accord. The decisions I made were minimal, effectual only to the point that the wager was placed—the cards were dealt just the same, regardless of position and timing, and the game didn't care who won or lost what. The game doesn't care who you are or what you're going through or what you're praying for (and furthermore, wouldn't God opt out of positively reinforcing one's idolatry of material pursuits...), it simply runs you through its cogs. We started worshipping this mechanism of unconditional disregard, conditional only upon registration of account, coupled with free offers, and then more free stuff you have to pay for (but the value!), and then charges for membership—more perks included! We were convinced of the perks of this membership before we emptied our pockets for them, thinking the perks would fill our pockets twice over—and a duffel bag to boot!

This is a very long-winded and disorganized rant, yet I digress.

I thought I had found genuine fulfillment and a smart way to make a little extra on the side, but what I discovered beyond that mirage was something truly hideous. It was the thing I suspected it was before buying the scam—it was a scam. (And of course I no longer knew it to be a scam while it was scamming me. Well played.) Advertisements are especially dangerous when the gambling industry utilizes them. They sell something no one else in the business can—paying to win.

That's not what's advertised, naturally; the ad doesn't tell you you'll pay the small price of a crumpled up dollar to win nine spectacular, shiny dimes (well, it almost does): it convinces you there is nothing to lose *at all*—and then that risking everything you own (and everything you can get loaned) is worth it for not even a false promise anymore. It's worth it to get the chance to feel less worthless, while it in turn only agitates this overarching sense of worthlessness. It has all the goods and it requires your goods for a chance to claim them. Look! Now it has your goods too! I wonder how much of that is other people's goods 🤔

Yeah, now they're bads. Now they're the diamond-encrusted grill the wolf wears over its flesh-ripping fangs, saying, "just step into my mouth...and you can be the one to take it!"

Happy Day 1 to me in a self-admittedly prolonged and tedious recovery journey! Peace be with all y'all's ✌️ODAAT

So long story short haven't made a bet in a week and been feeling great. Would've taken canadiens game 7 and spurs game 1. Would've been up well over 100 off that. Seen some tennis bets come in that I would've taken. Would've been up a couple hundred off of that. How do I get rid of these annoying thoughts and feelings 😂 I knew they were all hitting. I know there's a chance i would've placed one or two other bets that may of lost. But as of now I'm pissed.

I am sick to my stomach every single day because I keep putting myself in this position where I lose all my money. I am 10k in debt and bank account is negative usually.

Im new here and I think I just need support I wanna change my ways. I've tried reaching out to helplines but none of them texted back and I tried to call but couldn't bring myself to speak so I hung up when they answered. I somehow muscled up the courage to tell my dad but he kind of brushed it off as something that wasn't serious. Even though I was literally crying and begging for attention basically to be honest. I've told my friends but they don't understand either.

I think a big part of it for me is that I just want someone to notice. I feel like i'm drowning and I feel like the people I want to notice just don't care enough. Not that it's their fault obviously and I wouldn't ever ask any of them for money but I just want someone to notice that I am stuck and help me get through it. I understand its not their problem but it just hurts.

For context I am a 19 year old male (I gamble on rust/sweepstakes sites where they allow 18+) and I had a problem a year ago with gambling as well but I stopped for a few months. So I guess the relapse has just been more draining then the first go around. I thought I learned my lesson the first time but I went back when I had a lot of money built back up and that was the last time I was happy. Thank you for reading this it means a lot, seriously, because this was very hard to type out and I really don't even wanna click post.