Coming clean.
First and foremost I HAVE A GAMBLING ADDICTION! And this is me, admitting this “publicly” for the first time.
I’m 34 years old and been gambling for over 10 years. Slot machines is my drug of choice. My problem is so severe that losing was spiking my serotonin. And I felt numb when I wasn’t losing money.
The worst part is that I can still function normally on the outside. I go to work, pay my bills, talk to people, and carry on like everything is fine. Nobody would probably look at me and think I have a serious gambling problem.
None of my friends or family know how bad it actually is. Some might know that I gamble, but they don’t know the extent of it. I’ve kept it hidden for years. I’m too embarrassed and ashamed to face my family because I was raised religious.
I’ve lied about where my money has gone, I’ve become pretty good at making everything look normal from the outside while privately dealing with the consequences.
I’ve tried stopping so many times.
I’ll go through periods where I think I’ve finally got control back. Then eventually I convince myself that I can gamble just a little bit.
And the cycle starts again.
I’m tired of it!
I’m tired of watching money I worked hard for disappear into a machine.
I’m tired of the guilt and regret.
I’m tired of having to start over financially.
I’m posting this because I honestly don’t know what the next step should be. I’ve tried quitting on my own so many times, and clearly that hasn’t been enough.
If anyone here has managed to stop gambling after years of addiction, especially when you were still able to function normally and hide it from everyone around you, I’d really appreciate hearing how you did it.
I don’t need judgement. I already know what I’ve done to myself.
I just want to know that it’s possible to break this cycle.
Thanks.