Feeling stuck, lost, alone, and depressed
Hi there
I’m currently in a corporate job that is draining my soul. I have to interact with a sexist misogynistic reporting director every single day and I’m now getting overwhelming anxiety every time I have to open my laptop and start work.
I’m in professional services, so a lot of the work I do is client facing, and a client I’ve been dealing with has been extremely difficult and rude and just in general awful to deal with.
He can talk to me in any tone, vent his frustrations about the project onto me and I can’t say a word because he’s the client.
Well today I snapped a bit. I became defensive during a session and he called me out on it immediately. I calmed down and go on with it. But it made me feel alone and angry. I went into freeze mode, there was ice in my veins. I was able to do some work but I couldn’t move on from that one incident. It feels like it’s all my fault. Like somehow I’ve done something to allow him to be like this. He gets to be rude and abrupt and defensive and treat me like I’m stupid but the second I try to fight my corner, I’m in the wrong. My director won’t protect me over a client, so if I don’t just sit there and take it, I get reprimanded.
I’m so lost and tired and scared and terrified.
I turn 30 this year and I don’t want this to be my life. But I’m away from home with little money saved. I want to quit so badly and just breathe and go home and see my family and rest but I don’t have the savings to do that. And in this global labor market, I might not find a job for 2 years.
My luck just seems to be getting worse and my mental health is declining. I don’t know what to do and I just want someone to hug me and tell me it’ll be okay.