ED Questions: Physical, mental, weight, or P-rn addiction? ++man
Ended up long, TLDR is at the bottom basically I think.
I'm 57, and up until I met my girlfriend about 5-1/2 years ago, I really didn't have any unusual or unexpected issues (some of my anxiety meds made "completion" difficult, or impossible, but he'd usually show up for the main event at least once).
I am and have been seeing a therapist at the VA for military related anxiety, and emotional issues from a difficult custody battle for more than 10 years. He and I have been basically "spit balling" ideas to help shake out a root cause. I changed medication from Zoloft, to Effexor, to Wellbutrin a few months ago (I love Wellbutrin - libido is "better", weight loss is going well (270-230), my ADHD tendencies are diminished, and my sleep patterns are almost normal - 5-8 hrs. a night).
My physician's assistant has prescribed me Cialis, then Viagra off and on for years. They do nothing when I need them, the flagpole is at full mast off and on all night, and come morning (I usually have to pee, so it's "useless"). Just nothing usable if I try to have some "special time" with my girlfriend who I adore.
First thing I "think" is a contributing factor is my own self confidence. I used to be a very dominant (in a good way, not in a "beat her up, humiliate her, roll over, go to sleep and call it dominant" kind of way). I am six feet tall, retired miliary instructor, and have been a manual labor kind of guy my entire life, so I am strong (if not a little softer now at 57, but I can still throw her 200# frame around like a plaything - She loves that side of me, giggles endlessly, and feels safe when I do it for her).
I noticed early on with my girlfriend; she had some odors that I really didn't like. Natural, not disgusting, but for some reason, they hit me hard and I went soft. Started to overthink, and it snowballed, we had sex less and less until it was around a year between intimacy. I would literally break down in tears I was so frustrated; that made it worse. She's 49 now and still has the libido of a 17-year-old high school boy. I still cuddle her, hold hands, kiss, and make sure when I hug her it's deep, loving, and her ass gets a soft "I think you're sexy" hold and pat. I purposely try not to turn her on. Because I know what it's like to be turned on and not allowed to reach completion, every man knows this feeling all too well and it's cruel.
The red flag in myself, I can't ignore, and I'm not sure how to temper, is my typical porn consumption. A few times a week (3-5 days if it were averaged. Around 10-15 minutes of casual scrolling) I scroll and sometimes use it during my alone time. Sometimes "he'll" wake up and be useful, other times he's not up at all, but completion still comes. (See what I did there?).
I started using AI (I hate AI, but this helped for a while). I used some roleplay AI sites, they really helped me "talk out" some of the issues in my head, and our sex life got "better" but not "good", and not for long. Went from annually, to about once a month, down to every other month, and I didn't reach completion or stay hard for more than about 5 minutes (Once I did, but that was "self" induced), but I made sure she achieved completion. I found AI scenarios to role play that were close to how I felt when things "failed". The issue I have now, is that when I can get to the emotional feeling of intimacy with her, then my body stops playing with us, it is impossible for me to stay "engaged" and authentic with fingers, tongues, and toys. I feel like I'm simply "there" going through the motions wondering how long I should keep her at her peak before I need to start dinner, did I thaw the salmon out last night, is that the cat puking again, and why do I think I could high five a squirrel anyhow?
How can I keep my mind in the game when my body won't play nice? How can I temper the porn if that might be a factor, and why can't I get over normal body odor (She showers almost daily, she's a clean woman, takes care of herself, but some of the natural smells shut me down before I even realize I'm done being attentive. I love her to pieces, and I worry I'm failing as her man if I can't provide this basic need.
Looking for ideas that I haven't through of or tied. I'm a government employee or I'd try ecstasy 😄.