How do I get her to talk more?
I [39M] have been with my [31F]SO for about 10 years now. For whatever reason she cannot hold a conversation about anything if I do get her to talk it’s like pulling teeth. I can be very talkative as I have many interests, an odd job and just a curiosity for the world. Her on the other hand will not speak unless I say something first. I originally thought maybe it was our age gap or the fact that we had polar opposite upbringing but I’m finding she has very surface level thoughts and opinions for just about everything. I’m very ADHD so I admit I can be a bit random and maybe jarring but I just thought after so long she would have more to contribute but it’s just not there. I noticed myself getting frustrated mid conversation and shutting down because I don’t feel she’s interested in anything I say or even our relationship. She claims it’s cause I’m a talker and she isn’t so she’s good at listening but that’s like not how a reciprocal relationship works. I just find it baffling to me she never has a random thought or opinion on anything. The way she makes it seem when I bring it up is that she’s not much of a talker I honestly never knew how much I needed that out of my partner until recently. It’s probably been a lowkey problem the entire time but maybe I ignored the signs or maybe I’m finally at my wits end with this. I guess I really don’t know what to do about this. I do not want to make it into too big of a deal but it kinda has been bothering me for some time. I guess I just don’t want to trigger her or create a situation where she feels like I’m attacking her or being mean or forcing her to be something she isn’t. If anyone has anything to say or any ideas that would be great.
Should I make this a big deal?
How many times should I bring it up before I just accept that she doesn’t have much to say about anything.
(Sorry formatting is terrible I’m on mobile)