u/7789canadianatheart

TW: orientation change therapy in LGBTQ Christian history

How do you guys relate to figures like Joseph Nicolosi still spreading false theories about the root of same sex orientation? I have no doubts in my head wether it's true or not. Obvs. But how exactly can I prove that to folks in my life? Unfortunately I somewhat fit the old distant father theory (I'm doing everything in my power to not trigger the filters on here lol) My father was somewhat emotionally distant, not unlike many other fathers in Western culture. Also I have 3 straight siblings with the same parents.

Just to reiterate- the following is NOT me falling for false theory, I'm just being honest.

I'm the youngest and when I was 5 my mother got sick with cancer and my father was highly preoccupied caring for her. Meanwhile I really bonded with the women who were taking care of us kids and I still trust women far further than men to this very day. Hanging out with an adult man who isn't my close friend makes me uncomfortable.

When I was 8, my mother passed away and my dad completely disappeared emotionally, because of the intense grief he was going through and then later because he was so lonely and persuing a relationship, which he then got married again when I was 11.

A perfect opportunity for a disastrously harmful download of ignorant theology.

I don't with any piece of my brain believe that caused it, but how do I graciously have that conversation with my friends, because it's really a huge roadblock for many.

Thanks for reading y'all!

I have a family member who I've always got along with great, but she doesn't want to talk about lgbtq theology with me, which is fine. I asked her though if I can tell her my story and she said she finds it overwhelming and she's thought about it a lot and knows where she stands. I'm ok her having a position I don't agree with but her very text message saying that was dripping with misconceptions about what it's like to be gay. And I'm like if you listened to some stories you wouldn't be saying that. Do I just let it go or try to talk?

Hi y'all, I've done a theological and philosophical deep dive on the Bible and "homosexuality" topic over the past year or so.

I know Side X is simply not true because no one has ever changed their sexual orientation. I also now know Side A and side B stuff forwards and backwards with my eyes shut. However One stream of "theology" I haven't dug into much yet is what has been called "Side Y" recently. For example Christopher Yuan's book, or Rosaria Butterfield.

For those who have read those books, do you recommend them? I've heard it can be really damaging psychologically, and I've also heard it's just twisted ex gay stuff.

Share your thoughts!

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Hi y'all, happy to be part of this group! 🤍

This is my first time really typing out this part of my story, but I thought I'd give it a go.

I'm a gay Christian guy who was raised in and still am part of highly conservative Christian culture.

One of my guy friends (who I've known quite well for 5 years) and I started hanging out more about a year and a half ago, and found out we quite clicked and ended up doing stuff on our own quite regularly. Pretty much from the beginning, I felt like there was something between us, and I realized all too soon I had feelings for him. But I knew nothing that he was gay so I tried not to let it go anywhere and just enjoy hanging out with him as a friend. Needless to say, that didn't last very long and it became increasingly clear to me that there was a spark between us.

After a few months a mutual friend of ours playfully teased us about being a "cute couple" and I noticed a line in the sand from my "friend" from that point on and he was really standoff-ish and tried to keep his distance from me emotionally. I was really hurt but saw what was going on and was ultimately confused because if he's straight and we're just friends, why the big deal, right?

Anyhow as time went on and I gave him some space, we slowly started hanging out again and we were so back. And then we went through a really tough thing together and it only drew us closer because we trusted each other with our troubles and grief. We were on a two week road trip with 2 other friends in March and clicked perfectly the whole time. And ever since it's felt like we were meant for each other.

All of this has made thinking about coming out so much more complicated, part of me just wanted to let him go to make everything else easier but I also loved him too much for that and I'm not just tossing a good slow burn.

I was nearing the port of coming out to him and now just recently he told me about this girl he's really into and it just blew me away. I'm not upset at him because we never vocally committed anything to each other, it was all unspoken and I apparently misinterpreted it all along.

I feel so perfectly at peace with it even though it's excruciatingly hard but I know it's the right thing and takes a tremendous weight off my shoulders but simultaneously leaves a gaping hole in my heart.

However to get to the point of this post, this has helped me rethink the gay Christian debate a little bit.

For one thing, I was afraid my being in love with him was distracting me from being honest about theology, cuz I had very high faith dreams of marrying him one day if I felt right doing so. But plot twist, it's not been that way. Now that I feel more free relationally, I'm even more convinced of side A theology.

And for another thing, possibly greater yet. This "breakup" scenario has reminded me of that beautiful place of being given up to God and being perfectly at peace with his will, even though it's so unbelievably tough. And it has exposed that that is NOT AT ALL how I feel about taking a Side B stance. Not even remotely the same experience.

Honestly it feels like God allowed me to be attached to him while I was figuring this out so that I keep a very human honest approach to the theological crisis then take it away as a way to go forward and talk to others about it without the risk of getting blamed for wanting to adopt Side A theology so I could marry him.

For anyone who actually made it this far, you have a longer attention span than me, and I so so deeply appreciate your time in reading this and please leave your thoughts in the comments. Don't be scared of being unrefined, I've seen the good the bad the ugly.