r/GayChristians

So, im bi and last month I decided to resing from homossexuality and only date woman, but even though I never even dated a guy, I can't help but to feel a pain in my chest every time I see a guy couple together, or see an attractive boy, or hear something that makes me remember that I will never have the experience of dating a guy. And I know that being bi means I can still have a girlfriend and it should be enough, but it still makes me so sad and worried, but it feels like a sacrifice i need to make

Doesn't someday this feeling disappears or I will have to live with it forever? Do you get used to it someday or you just turn into some homophobe that can't be anywhere near gays? Im praying for the Lord to give me strength, but its not helping yet. Any advice?

I really want to be in a relationship, but should I make a move to anyone I like or just hope there’s an organic encounter I might experience.

29 here asian and working. I want something new in my life, and maybe entering a relationship could be a good idea LOL. I’m just scared and shy that I might get rejected when I approach someone 😭

i hate being bisexual i hate it i hate it i hate it so much i wish God would let me be straight, i would be freed from so many nights crying, life long friends leaving me, and my closest people leaving me behind, so many years spent in the closet stressing over how i appear to everyone on the outside and wondering whether they can tell my secret or not. goodnight yall

Hi, so I just got back from the graduates christian camp yesterday, fully crushing on this girl who I'm not entirely sure likes me, but everyone I know keeps telling me how obvious it is (I'm really bad at picking up on things, like REALLY BAD-)

She's absolutely wonderful, and so incredibly kind to me.

I guess I'll skim over a few things that gave me the gay vibes:

1. She, on her own terms, took and kissed the lenses of my sunglasses. For context, I was paying people in snacks to kiss random objects at the camp (long story of something I got roped into, don't ask) and as people kept begging me to give them a dare, she just asked if she could kiss my sunglasses. I asked her what she wanted for it, she said she didn't want anything, she just wanted to do it.
2. Literally picked me up and held me bridal style. After she picked me up she said "This is actually really comfortable, I could get used to this!" AND WRAPPED HER ARMS TIGHTER AROUND ME.
3. A lot of physical attention in general, more so than anyone else got. She also always sat RIGHT NEXT TO ME when we'd sit on my bed in the dorm. She came into our dorm room nearly every day. She would sit on my bed, sing to me, look through my shelf a bit while talking to me
4. COMPLIMENTS. COMPLIMENTS ALL THE TIME TO MY SCRUFFY LITTLE NERD SELF, AAAGGHDVDJDBJS she also checked on me a lot, making sure I was okay throughout the week (I cried once, she hugged me so hard.. sighh, I could live in her arms)

Mind you, I left out a lot, there's still like a list of items

I say I'm just delusional, my friends say I'm an idiot because it's so obvious, anyway-

Idk what to do. I don't even know for sure if she likes girls, but I do know her bestie is homophobic... though the silence when her friend said she was "anti-pride"- that's a silence of survival. That's a silence of "Oh no, you're gonna hate me aren't you?"

I'm trying to pray about it, because this has actually come at the most perfect and convenient time in my life. It just makes me wonder.

Also we still have contact with each other, I have her number and email, we've messaged a bit (both extremely tired, so-)

Even better is that she's currently moving just a state away from me, and I go to that area in the state all the time, it's perfect!

We've briefly talked about getting coffee and meeting up over the summer!!!

I honestly can't make up my mind about whether the Bible says homosexuality is sinful. I think the most honest reading would be that it is sin, but it is not sensible to expect celibacy from all gay Christians. I live in Canada and currently attend Lutheran Church of Canada, and I generally agree with the theology of the church I know that there are some Lutherans that are gay affirming although they do not have any churches nearby. Not sure were i would go. Most other denominations have big differences on the atonement and baptism.

Edit: I think I have presented good points, but it has destroyed my faith. I don't think I can continue as a Christian.

How is my decision?

Hey everyone! I’m a long time lurker first time poster here in this subreddit. after going through a bit of a rough time the past few weeks I finally decided to reach out for some positive support.

I guess I’ll introduce myself real quick. I‘m Sorrin! I’m a 26 year old gay man from Missouri in the USA. I am a gay Christian somewhere in the limbo of A and B. Depending on the day I seem to be hardcore one way or the other. And I know you will all reply to my post saying, “Well there is your problem.” And you’re probably right. I know it makes my life harder. I know it causes me nothing but turmoi. But I’m scared.

I grew up in a Southern Baptist home. My parents are awesome people who always let me know that they love me. I’ve never had to wonder if they’d disown me if I came out. But at the same time I’ve always worried about their disappointment in me if I did. I’ve had in my time as a side B believer about 5 friends who switched from side B to side A, and I saw how much that decision affected the people around them. Family hurt, church hurt, and hurt friends. Things that honestly I don’t want to deal with. And yet at the same time I don’t want to be alone. I seem to be in this catch 22 situation where I’m lonely without life partner if is stay side B, and an outcast to the community I’ve built all these years if I’m side A. I’m lonely either way.

I have some awesome side B people who have walked along me in this journey. Very loving people who have told me where ever I land they will still love me and it won’t change anything. But one couple wouldn’t be enough to change much. I‘m concerned that I’ll lose relationships with my friends and even potentially my relatives if they find out I’m gay. I worry my sister won’t let me spend time with my baby niece as she grows up because she doesn’t want her around her gay uncle.

So here I am writing a post to a group of people who I know will love me either way. I’m thankful to anyone who reads this, and ask for guidance, encouragement, or even just a friendly acknowledgment of me and who I am.

I’ve read many books and been very convinced of both side A and side B stances, and I’m really not even considering the theology right now. I’ve done that before. I more need help with advice walking through this season of life.

Feel free to DM me if needed. I truly appreciate any help that you can offer.

I’m going to my church’s family camp next week with my daughter, and I’m excited. She’s going to be with the junior high girls most of the week, and I’ll be in the men’s dorms and adult sessions.

The part I’m nervous about isn’t the camp itself. It’s the relationships.

I grew up in church camps, so I know how these weeks often go. People bond quickly. The men’s sessions often become very vulnerable. Confessing sin, talking about sexual temptation, accountability, prayer circles, and late-night conversations are all common.

Here’s my dilemma.

I’m a Christian man who is quietly gay. I don’t advertise it, and almost no one at church knows. I also know this isn’t the place to unpack all of that. I’m not posting to debate theology, and I’m not looking for arguments about whether my life is sinful or not. I already know the traditional Christian position, and that’s not what I’m asking about.

What I’m asking is this:
How do you pursue genuine Christian friendships when there’s a significant part of your life that you don’t feel free to share?

I’m afraid of several things at once.

I’m afraid someone will ask me a direct question that puts me on the spot.

I’m afraid of accidentally saying too much. (Vulnerability is currency in these circles - iykyk)

I’m afraid that everyone else will be confessing struggles while I feel like I have to carefully edit myself.

Most of all, I’m afraid of leaving camp with friendships that feel genuine to everyone else, but secretly wondering whether they actually know me, and how they would see me if they did.

I don’t want to isolate myself or stay superficial. I genuinely want Christian brothers. I want to laugh with them, pray with them, serve alongside them, and build lasting friendships.

I just don’t know how to navigate environments where vulnerability is encouraged when I feel like one of the biggest areas of my life can’t safely be part of that vulnerability.

Has anyone else experienced something similar, whether because of sexuality or some other deeply personal part of your life?

How did you balance authenticity with healthy boundaries? Were you able to build real friendships, or did you always feel like you were living behind a wall?

I’m especially interested in hearing from Christians who have wrestled with this tension themselves. If you’ve been in a situation where you loved your church and wanted deep friendships, but also carried something you didn’t feel free to share, I’d really value hearing how you navigated it.

I’m so tired of trying to exist as a gay person in Christian spaces.

I’m exhausted that every single day I try to engage in Christian content or spaces online and every single day I have to deal with hearing that gay people can’t serve, can’t have relationships, can’t live their lives because they are somehow more sinful than everyone else.

I go to an affirming church.

I’m in affirming spaces also.

But it’s just too much most days.

I've got a friendship that's been building for about three years with an older (70s), married, conservative Christian man. We met through a shared interest, and early on he told me he is a Biblical Christian.

He focuses on the two greatest commandments, love God and love your neighbor, as the frame for what is allowed between us. That has opened the door for more emotional depth than you'd expect from a friendship where big differences in theology, gender and sexual identity exist. Over time it's grown into something that feels real on both sides: long talks where we share beliefs, moments where the connection has clearly deepened emotionally and spiritually.

There's been a pattern of moments and interactions that have caused me to pause and think: is he closeted? I can't prove that, and I'm not looking for anyone to confirm it.

Quick bit of context on identity: he knows me and relates to me as a married, gay man, but my identity is more complex than that.

Quick bit of context on faith too: I'm not Christian in the way he defines it. I come from a broader background in comparative spirituality, having spent my life cobbling together my own eclectic version of Christianity.

Part of why I'm asking instead of just trusting my own read is that I came out fairly late (50 yo), been out for 6 years, and I'm not part of any LGBTQIA communities. I'm pretty introverted by nature, I tend to do better with a few close relationships than a wide circle, so I just don't have a lot of firsthand experience with other queer/gay men, closeted or otherwise, to calibrate against.

So if you spent years closeted while trying to live faithfully as a Christian, I'd genuinely love to hear how that was for you. Not so I can map it onto my friend specifically, but because hearing the real thing from people who lived it might help me bring what I'm noticing into better focus. Right now it's blurry.

What does it actually feel like (or what did it feel like) when you get emotionally close to another man? Does it depend on the person, some friendships staying easy while others get intense enough that you pull back, add boundaries, or lean harder into theology just to manage it?

When you notice (or noticed) sexual feelings coming up for someone, what happens for you internally? How does that show up in your thoughts and behavior, do you find yourself pulling away, going quiet, overcompensating in some other direction? And how did or do you manage that, especially in a friendship you also value and don't want to lose?

What do you wish people understood about what you're actually feeling and thinking underneath, whether that's something you're carrying now or something you carried at the time? And what helps (or helped) you feel safe or understood instead of exposed, in a close friendship?

I've asked some specific questions above, but if there's anything else you think would help me understand this, anything I haven't thought to ask, I'd welcome it.

Really just trying to learn from people who've lived it. Thank you in advance for reading this and offering your experience.

Turns out they're Christian too! 🎉

Strange question here. I believe writing and creation are tools God gave us. Does anyone ever use writing to help them with their own struggles? I find I am doing it more of late

New here, non gay Christian but I’ve heard some arguments against homosexuality, can anyone point me to an article or post outlining the common arguments against it and their refutation?

I’m a 57yo single gay guy in the UK. I used the word ‘struggle’ a lot when I became single. Struggling with my age and being at the bottom of the pile of potential partners. Loneliness. Struggling with dealing in the world without a partner. Struggle, struggle, struggle UNTIL a friend pointed out that I try replacing the word ‘struggle’ with ‘control’. Wow! My eyes opened. Now when I struggle, I ask myself what am I holding onto? What am I trying to control? What am I not accepting? And most importantly what am I not letting God into? My whole journey in life when I’m ‘struggling’ has transformed to being open to the ability to Let Go - Let God. Hitting the dating apps and being saddened by the lust and lack of connection and intimacy. I mean - who was I kidding!?! The ability to let go of my singleness to God has been an adventure. Today - letting go every morning in prayer from my desires to his will is way less stressful. The ‘struggling’ receded when the ‘control’ word was adopted and my relationship with Him has blossomed. His will be done! Not mine. If you’re a gay man in a similar situation you’re welcome to DM and we can talk more. 🙏

I converted to the episcopal church 2 months ago. I am VERY gay and love that the church is super accepting. More recently I've realized I love dressing like a femboy :3. I was wondering if crossdressing is allowed in the church? From what I understand there is an Old Testament law calling crossdressing "An abomination.", As an Episcopalian how should I take this? Is this a mistranslation or is it talking about pagan rituals like passages about homosexuality are??

(I posted this on r/Episcopalian it got removed for "being bait")

hi, i’m a new Christian. i have been atheist/agnostic/into new age spirituality for most of my life but i had an experience a couple or few months ago that lead me to Christ.

i truly love God with all my heart. i 100% believe that Jesus died on the cross for our sins and i’m making it a goal to better myself every day so i can glorify Him.

but i’m also very in love with a woman. we aren’t currently together but i know that it’s not a permanent thing. we cared for one another and we still care for and love each other a lot. she honestly helped bring me to Christ, she is also a believer and i pray for her every day.

i struggle a lot with the thought that being with someone of the same sex is a sin. i am from an area where people are generally southern baptist and while my immediate family is supportive of gay people, my extended family talks a lot about how being gay is wrong and God doesn’t like it. my aunt didn’t even attend her sister’s wedding just because she was marrying a woman, saying she loves them but she “can’t pretend she supports what they do.” i also have OCD so it’s very hard for me to differentiate which thoughts are caused by my OCD and which ones are conviction from God.

this is hard for me because i believe this woman is truly the love of my life and i feel like she brings me closer to God. but i also love God over everything. is me being in a relationship with or being in love with a woman okay as a Christian?

I'm a trans bi guy, 15 soon to be 16, I've made a post about this before, but this time, it's a bit different. Eversince Pride Month, I've been hearing my mom and her bf talk bad about it. I remember my mom saying, "They've been tryna make us accept it for years, like we GET it. Quick shoving it down our throats." Hearing that made me so angry and upset. I was trying not to cry on the spot. And it's weird because she's never been like that, she probably has, but now she's showing her true colors, and she's said other homophobic stuff before. And I keep seeing a bunch of influences saying mean stuff about pride month, even my favorite content creators. I had to unfollow most of them. I remembered seeing a Christian YouTuber named "r3alism" talking about pride in a mean horrible way. And just seeing.... all of this.... it makes me wish I was never born. I wish I was just born a "normal" boy. I hate being a girl. Seeing my body everyday makes me cry. I don't want to go to hell. Because of all this, I stayed away from Christianity at some point. And said some things about God I shouldn't have said because I was just so upset about how I am. I feel like I will never be forgiven. And I just want to commit. If there's any advice that would be helpful (sorry if this was a long post)

Hi,

i'm F16 and i've been in a constant struggle with my faith since 12... but that's besides the point for my situation.

So, November 2024 I met this girl, I was 14 she was 15 and we started talking and things picked up really quickly. Things were very lustful, very fast, and it just flipped my entire world upside down because I was so deeply in love with her. She was Christian, and again I was a very doubting Christian as well and much closer to a non-believer at the time. I asked her to be my girlfriend January 2025 and we had our issues as relationships do but she was so willing to fight through all of it, even when I'd fuck up pretty bad. I noticed her drifting further from God. She deleted her bible apps off her phone, stopped praying, all that junk. Eventually near the end of our relationship we agreed to stop doing anything lustful as well for unreligious related reasons, which I thought helped a lot.

A couple weeks before our eventual breakup she told me about how she had started going to church again and spending a lot of time with some people she had opened up to me about the shame and guilt they would put on her for being gay and how she was going to go to hell and so on. It alarmed me, but they were being much more kind about it then they had been in the past and I was more than happy to hear about her going to church so I sort of turned a blind eye to it. Then she would tell me about how a guy who she had romantic interest in that had liked her back was complimenting her all the time, but I TURNED A BLIND EYE TO IT BECAUSE ITS JUST A COUPLE COMPLIMENTS. And then we broke up... August 2025. She expressed to me how... hang on let me repeat this bar for bar, she never though she would be that person but she genuinely believes being gay is a sin. It wasn't out of nowhere I guess we had talked about her experiencing religious guilt for just about everyone around her and I had tried to reassure her before, but genuinely it caught me so off-guard I WAS DISTRAUGHT.

Now, full disclosure before I continue it's been nearly a year and I would like to think I've matured and would never do any of things I did in the break-up again. She ended up talking with the guy who had liked her again romantically but nothing was ever officialized. I was butthurt and so I did something just about the same.. except I dated the guy. We were still in contact and justifiably she got very upset that I was all of the sudden with someone new and we were both so hurt we just argued and argued for months before eventually going no contact. I had her block me on spotify so I had some outlet to express how I felt to her without her ever seeing it and so I just texted her on there for the months that passed. I realized the guy wasn't her and broke up with him because I was very very very much still in love with her.

Then, in March of this year I unblocked her on everything and we started chatting it up. It was like things just clicked right back together and I invited her to a museum and she invited me to her sports meet so I could take pictures with of her. We had only been talking as friends and it was fine by me because it was a million times better then not talking at all and she told me how she had talked to a couple people romantically since the break up. She opened up to me about how she was done dating and pursuing anyone because she knew she liked girls but there was just too much religious guilt and pressure.

The meet came and I kind of just followed her around like a lost puppy for 3 hours, talked to her friends because I knew nobody there, and bought an unreasonable amount of overpriced lemonade for the both of us. She did not seem super happy about me being there but I just assumed she was tired after all of her sports stuff (I WAS WRONG.) The meet came and went and her dad picked her up so I went to go talk to my friends I had made there before I found out where she was at, and they bring me to this guy and told me that he was romantically interested in me. NOW GET THIS, THE GUY WAS ONE OF THE GUYS THE GIRL I WAS THERE FOR WAS TALKING TOO... AND HE HAD TEXTED HER THAT MORNING! So as you can assume I was irritated and confused.

I texted her and let her know about what happening, trying to keep it light hearted. We called and she told me that "I might think this is funny" but she didn't and I kinda just let her yell at me about a bunch of stuff and she eventually ended it off by telling me she still had resentment built up and she could never just be friends with me because it would hurt her too much to watch me be with someone else. I tried to convince her that all I wanted was to be friends and I also wasn't planning on being with anyone (BECAUSE I WANNA BE WITH HER! but also very okay with just friends. ) I tried to convince her and she straight up told me her life is better without me in it... and said again that she wasn't going to be with anyone at least until she's out of high school and so finally I was like damn ok fine i'll leave you alone.

I texted her on spotify again and pretty much confessed how badly I'm in love with her. I THEN REALIZED THAT I WAS NO LONGER BLOCKED ON SPOTIFY AND SHE TEXTED ME AFTER SEEING THE MESSAGE AND SAID, "sorry im in the middle of a fortnite match" she finished her match I guess and then texted me that she'd block me again but I told her that i'm never texting her again... I panicked. I removed her as a follower and unfollowed her on instagram, blocked her number, tiktok, and instagram, and then went about my being in love with her without interacting with her at all.

Anyway fast foward to now, she's got a boyfriend. I'm still in love with her and she's got a whole ass boyfriend. I saw them at the fair recently holding hands and both me and her looked at each other like jaws dropped mouth open staring when we realized we were both there WHILE SHE WAS HOLDING HIS HAND. I also said hi to her dad when I saw him on his own.. he's homophobic I don't know what the fuck I was doing there. It's just so irritating to me because more then anything I want to be like " hey i'm in love with you and i'll do anything to make this work with you with god by our side" BUT NOOOO SHES GOT A WHOLE MAN.

I'm sorry that was so long. My question is now.. what do I do? It's been a year and I still think about her every moment of every day, i'm still losing sleep over her, i'm still missing her. I've tried things with multiple other people and I just end up comparing them to her and cutting things of or self sabotaging until they cut it off. I'm so scared that if it's not her it's nobody and the obvious choice is to respect her wishes and leave her be.. but the more I pray about it and try to move on the harder it is.

edit: her birthday is also in ten days... if only she got a mysterious happy birthday text 😉