u/Previous-Ad3922

I’m wondering if this is something that also happens on other Caribbean islands, because I feel like colorism, racism, and especially internalized racism/self-hatred can play a big role in some Caribbean communities.

My mother is from Curaçao. I’m half Curaçaoan and half Dutch, with a white Dutch father. I lived in Curaçao for 7 years. Growing up, I personally experienced a lot of racism and comments that made me realize how deeply these ideas can be rooted.

For example, my mother always told or tells me that I should be happy she had me with a white Dutch man because at least I have “nice hair,” and that if she had had me with a darker Curaçaoan man, I would have had “hard, kinky hair” and wouldn’t look as good. My family has also made comments about how lucky I am to have my hair, while describing their own hair as “too hard” or “too kinky.”

My mother actually used to be attracted to darker men when she was younger, around 16 or 17. But eventually, she started dating white men, especially men who had money. In Curaçao, she was told things like, “You should be with a white man because they have money.” There’s this idea that white or Dutch people are wealthier and therefore more desirable. She used to hear those things from her grandma of family members.

Even today, my family or mom makes comments like this. Whenever I cut my hair, for example, they’ll say, “Your hair was so beautiful. You should have given it to me so I could use it for braids or a weave.” There are constantly comments about certain hair being “better” or more desirable.

And it’s not only about skin color. Sometimes we also put down our own culture and our own people. Curaçao has a large Black population, yet I’ve heard Curaçaoan call other Black Curaçaoans things like "ugly black person” as an insult.

There are also comments like, “Don’t you notice how we Curaçaoans are always broke? Look at the Dutch, they have money cause they work hard and they save their money so well"

So sometimes it feels like we compare ourselves to Dutch people and use those comparisons to put our own people down. Instead of being proud of our own culture and community, there can be this feeling that being lighter, being Dutch, having “good hair,” or having money makes someone better.

It’s honestly sad, because sometimes we end up bringing each other down instead of lifting each other up.

Ik ben een stud. Ik ben light-skinned, heb tatoeages en zie er vrij mannelijk uit.

Ik woon in Den Haag en in mijn ervaring zijn mensen hier niet altijd zo accepterend als vaak wordt gezegd. Ik merk vooral veel homofobie van mannen.

Bijna elke dag als ik over straat loop, word ik aangestaard, vies aangekeken of lopen mannen expres heel dicht langs me of proberen ze me uit te dagen. Als ik met mijn vriendin ben, is het vaak nog erger. We worden vies aangekeken als we hand in hand lopen en het gebeurt ook dat mannen met haar proberen te flirten (of zelfs met mij), terwijl het duidelijk is dat we een stel zijn.

Ik heb ook al een paar keer meegemaakt dat mannen een discussie met mij begonnen. In mijn persoonlijke ervaring waren dat vaak Marokkaanse of islamitische mannen en soms ook donkere mannen, al gebeurt dat laatste minder vaak. Ik zeg niet dat iedereen uit die groepen zo is; ik vertel alleen wat ik zelf heb meegemaakt.

Ik vind het eerlijk gezegd erg vermoeiend. Als ik buiten loop, probeer ik gewoon recht voor me te kijken en mannen te negeren, maar dat helpt niet altijd.

Hoe gaan jullie hiermee om? Hebben jullie tips om hiermee om te gaan of je veiliger te voelen?

I'm a lesbian stud. I'm light-skinned, have tattoos, and I present in a typically masculine way.

I live in the Netherlands, and in my experience, people aren't always as accepting as they're often made out to be. I've experienced alot of homophobia, especially from men.

Almost every day when I'm walking outside, I notice men staring at me, giving me dirty looks, walking very close to me, or trying to intimidate me. When I'm with my girlfriend, it's often even worse. We've had men stare at us when we're holding hands, and sometimes men will try to flirt with her (or even with me) despite us clearly being together.

I had a few times that, when i stare back at them, they will start arguing with me. From my personal experience, the men who have confronted or intimidated me have most often been Moroccan or Muslim men, and sometimes Black men as well, although less often. I know this is just my personal experience.

It's become really exhausting. When I'm outside, I usually just keep my eyes forward and try to ignore people, but that doesn't always stop it.

How do you deal with it? Do you have any advice for staying safe or not letting it get to you?

I've had it since I was a child, and it was already severe back then. I wasn't allowed to eat a lot of different foods, I had to sleep in special clothing to stop myself from scratching, and I was constantly seeing a dermatologist.

Now I'm 21 and I still suffer from it badly. I recently found out that atopic dermatitis isn't curable, which honestly really sucks. When the itching gets severe, I can scratch myself until I bleed. I'll use almost anything I can find to scratch, even my teeth, because the itch can be that intense.

I've tried almost every treatment available, including light therapy, seeing dermatologists, antihistamines, and countless creams and ointments. Nothing seems to help. For example, I can apply a moisturizer or ointment and within five minutes my skin already feels dry again. It's something I'll unfortunately have to live with, but sometimes it becomes mentally exhausting. People constantly ask what it is, and when I have eczema around my lips, some people immediately assume it's herpes.

I've also made an appointment with my doctor to see what treatment I need and what can be done about it, so hopefully they can find a solution🫠.

I'd really like to hear how others with severe eczema cope with it and whether you've found anything that helps. Thanks. ❤️

I want to reconnect with God and start praying again, but every time I try, I end up pushing myself away. When I came out as a lesbian around 13 or 14, my mom, who is very religious and a Christian, forced me to pray with her. She told me I was going to hell, and that being a lesbian was a sin. She grew up in this faith, and so she passed it down to me. When I was around 19, I went through a period where I really tried I prayed, I watched videos, listened to gospel music, but eventually, I pulled away again. And this has been a cycle over the years. I come close, and then I push it away. But right now, I feel like this is the right moment. I really want to reconnect with God in a way that's healthy and real for me.

Has anyone else been through something like this? Any advice on where to begin?´

Right now i am 21 years old