u/87jules13

Hiya everyone, relatively new to polyamory, I've only been practicing it for a little over a year (2 years if you count a shortish online-only ldr thing).

I've been reading a few things in this sub and I've come across an apparently widespread take: I should not discuss/vent/talk about my partner's metamour and vice versa (my partner shouldn't talk about my metamours). I don't really get why though? I get that polyamory is about having multiple relationships that are individual and free from "permission to do xyz". But if my relationship with Linda is going through a rough patch and I need comfort, someone to lean on - why can't that be my other partner John? I mean, yes, I can also talk to friends and family, but why do so many metamours not wanna hear about that?

I'm not talking about trash talking or comparing people to one another, that never ends well. I'm thinking of something like asking for relationship advice, sharing your feelings, just what you would do with a good friend when you're having a hard time.

I personally like hearing when my partner is going on dates with their long term partner, I like hearing they both had a good time, I just like hearing they're both happy together 🥰 and when times were rougher, I was happy to let my partner lean on me, comfort them, give SMALL pieces of advice or share my own experiences, although that happened in a very careful way (more careful than with regular friends, yes).

I understand people don't wanna get involved in drama or "he said, she said" -situations. I don't wanna get involved in that either, regardless of what my relationship to the person looks like. It just feels like the "don't talk about rough times with meta to me" -policy forces the partner to not healthily share what they might wanna share.

I hope I worded it understandably, thanks in advance for taking the time to answer😊

ETA: I am specifically thinking of a rough patch. A short timeframe. A few weeks. Not something that goes on for months and months with no end in sight.