u/AAappless18

I (29F) was single for six years before my most recent relationship. Before that, I was in an abusive relationship, and during those six years I focused on healing. I dated occasionally, but rarely felt attraction or connection.

Enter in my ex. I want to make it known that I was not all-in, picturing marriage, head over heels, before getting to know him. I was careful and boundried. I was explicit with him about being careful with my feelings and about still having areas to work on because of my abusive relationship. He took everything in stride. After a few months we became "official" and I really fell for him. He was consistent, open, funny, and I really connected. I did notice some differences between how we show and receive affection, sexual pacing, lifestyles. When I brought these up to him he reassured me, told me was very serious about the relationship, told me I made him feel loved and appreciated, loved having sex with me, and blah blah blah.

This collapsed after a disagreement. He felt I wasn't seeing his side of things, I felt like he was keeping things from me. We reconciled and both agreed to put it behind us because we loved each other, wanted to be with each other, both in the wrong, etc. Two days later he calls me up and dumps me. He told me that he had been losing feelings for me over the past couple months, wasn't happy, didn't like the sex, thought I was boring, wasn't giving him what he needed, didn't love him enough, and more. He hung up and we haven't talked since.

Devastated does not even come close to how I feel. I feel like I must have done something wrong to make him switch up on me like that. I feel like the biggest piece of shit in the world. I feel like I caused my breakup and dont know why. I feel ugly, stupid, worthless, confused, scared, heartbroken. I feel like Im deeply unsexual and unappealing. Theres something wrong with me. Ive tried dating again, these dates have gone nowhere. They've been great dates, the guy says he wants to see me again, and then ghosts or changes his mind and cancels. I am struggling especially so with going back to being touch deprived and sexless. I feel like Im so disgusting that I cant even get a guy in bed with me since they just ghost. I often compare myself to a cockroach. I dont know what to do, how to fix this, how to move forward.

I have friends and a therapist, but honestly Im too humiliated to tell them the full extent of how Ive been feeling. Im embarrassed to admit that im still hung up on this guy, that it decimated my self worth like this, AND that i cant get another guy. I just feel like there is something so disgusting, wrong, and unappealing about me. My ex was the first to see it, now these other guys do too. I just need to get my feelings out there and I need advice or something. I cry all the time. I feel like its offensive for me to even exist at this point. I really want a relationship, long-lasting and healthy but I feel like he was the only guy to give me a chance bc Im so awful and he left.

Hello! I am looking for support, advice, words of encouragement, community, SOMETHING to help me get through this. I am having a terrible time. I apologize if this is too long but Im begging you to stay with me.

I (29F) was single for six years before my most recent relationship. Before that, I was in an abusive relationship, and during those six years I focused on healing, rebuilding friendships and family relationships, traveling, and creating a better life for myself. I dated occasionally, but rarely felt attraction or connection.

Enter in my ex. I want to make it known that I was not all-in, picturing marriage, head over heels, before getting to know him. I was careful and boundried. I tried to make sure I was choosing him for him and not for the attention he showed me. I was explicit with him about being careful with my feelings and about still having areas to work on because of my abusive relationship. He took everything in stride and was so so lovely. After a few months we became "official" and I really fell for him. He was consistent, open, funny, and I really connected. I did notice some differences between how we show and receive affection, sexual pacing, lifestyles. But when I brought these up to him he reassured me, told me was very serious about the relationship, told me I made him feel loved and appreciated, loved having sex with me, and blah blah blah. Again, I didnt meet him thinking I found the love of my life but I thought we had something stable and beautiful where we were working through our differences and were on the same page.

This collapsed after a disagreement. He felt I wasn't seeing his side of things, I felt like he was keeping things from me. We reconciled and both agreed to put it behind us because we loved each other, wanted to be with each other, both in the wrong, etc. Two days later he calls me up and dumps me. He told me that he had been losing feelings for me over the past couple months, wasn't happy, didn't like the sex, thought I was boring, wasn't giving him what he needed, didn't love him enough, and more. He hung up and we haven't talked since. This was 8 months ago.

Devastated does not even come close to how I feel. I feel like I must have done something wrong to make him switch up on me like that. I feel like the biggest piece of shit in the world. I feel like I caused my breakup and dont know why. I feel ugly, stupid, worthless, confused, scared, heartbroken. I feel like Im deeply unsexual and unappealing. Like theres something wrong with me. Ive tried dating again, these dates have gone nowhere. They've been great dates, the guy says he wants to see me again, and then ghosts or changes his mind and cancels. I am struggling especially so with going back to being touch deprived and sexless. I feel like Im so disgusting that I cant even get a guy in bed with me since they just ghost. I often compare myself to a cockroach. I dont know what to do, how to fix this, how to move forward.

I have friends and a therapist, but honestly Im too humiliated to tell them the full extent of how Ive been feeling. Im embarrassed to admit that im still hung up on this guy, that it decimated my self worth like this, AND that i cant get another guy. I just feel like there is something so disgusting, wrong, and unappealing about me. My ex was the first to see it, now these other guys do too. I just need to get my feelings out there and I need advice or something. I cry all the time. I feel like its offensive for me to even exist at this point. I really want a relationship, long-lasting and healthy but I feel like he was the only guy to give me a chance bc Im so awful and he left.