feeling like a complete delulu whacko? I just don’t get it. 😭 I do it for a bit and then I think,”Is this… healthy?” Like… I’m telling myself that my SP and I are together again and there are moments that I really feel it and then … I’m questioning my sanity. Is that normal at first?
My SP broke up with me about a month ago now. Without getting into too much detail, I haven’t gone no contact because we are in the same friend group. We still communicate but there’s no more texting and calling every day (it was long distance).
I’ve been working on my self-concept because this break up did teach me an important lesson about self-love and not relying on external validation for my self-esteem, and I do feel like there’s been an improvement with how I see myself now. I’ve done shadow work, healing rituals, and affirmations. Those all helped a lot.
Now I feel stuck though. I don’t want to chase him like I originally had from the beginning, but I know he’s been going through some difficult things with family and stuff and it’s hard not to reach out and ask how he is. And of course, I just really miss him…
I just don’t know what to do. Part of me wants to disappear from the friend group and go no contact, because I typically don’t stay friends with exes anyway. But another part just wants to keep the friendship with hopes to rekindle into a relationship again. I desire that we reconcile and give each other the better versions of ourselves in a redo of our relationship. But then I wonder, if he still has access to me, he won’t really feel the loss of me and will keep me in friend territory?
So I’m doing a lot of wavering. I’m reading Neville Goddard’s books and watching YouTube videos from coaches to try getting a good grasp on manifestation, but I start to feel skeptical at times and like I’m totally delusional. And now I’ve started listening to subliminals and … I just feel like I’m crazy. I feel stuck and don’t know what to do about any of this anymore. 😞