Nothing is motivating me to do anything.
Like the title says. I literally have to force myself to do anything. I don’t want to clean, work on my hobbies, go outside or anything. I just want to lay here. My sleep schedule is fucked. It’s 2:27 in the morning. Yesterday I went to bed around 7am. Woke up at 3pm.
Im married to a wonderful patient man who loves me and our teen daughter more than anything. They are my world. I feel like a shit person that they are not enough motivation for me to do things. I have to force myself to shower or change or anything.
I need to lose weight but also have no motivation. I have diabetes so that should be motivation enough. I want to do art and stuff I love. But all I end up doing is cooking food and playing video games all day.
I smoke weed, only Sativa, and that helps a bit. But not really. I thought maybe it was affecting me negatively so I stopped for a few months and I only felt worse.
Im not suicidal or anything. I want to be alive. I just have no motivation. Caffeine doesn’t help at all.
Idk if I feel sad, mad, or annoyed all the time. The weed helps my mood a lot though. Just need something to give me a boost.
Im 34F. Can’t see a doctor. Can’t see a therapist or anything either. No insurance. I have diagnosed anxiety/panic disorder which has gotten better over the years. Now I only have a panic attack a couple times a year instead of 5-6 times a week. So there’s that. I thought I had adhd, but I guess not since Im just here not doing shit.
I just feel like a failure, a loser, a bum. My husband tells me Im not and reassures me Im loved and that he is here for me.
I have stuff to do. I just want to want to do it. I want to write, read, paint like I use to. Just want some advice on how to change this maybe?? Things I can do at home?? Other than the obvious start exercising at home and watching my diet to lose weight.
Idk what Im looking for honestly. Just general advice I guess.