Well, here we go again.
So… I’m back here again, after maybe my 5th relapse in a couple of years. I quit around February 2025 (2nd quit) and made it a couple of moths and was feeling great, totally out of the fire. However, the Gabapentin my doc prescribed me refilled and I ended up getting a 90 day supply. I knew it was a bad idea, but I ended up indulging in that 180 pill bottle. My addiction brain was locked right back in and in order to stop the cycle of taking the gabapentin, I purchased a small bag of OPMS caps, like 30 capsules thinking it could flip the switch off and I wouldn’t be too uncomfortable with the GABA withdrawals. I told myself I would be fine as I would often take a dose of Kratom a couple of weeks in to all of my cold turkey quits, just as a kind of weird ritual; I don’t suggest anyone do this, but I do this everytime I quit cold turkey. Anyway, long story short, I got hooked again and have been back on the powder since about May 2025. I quit again this last April, took a week off of work and jumped off the agony bridge again; however, this time I had nearly a full prescription of Gabapentin. I used that for the first week until I ran out and it was actually very easy and comfortable. I felt like shit the 2nd week a little but knew that I had a dose of powder that was waiting for me in my office desk drawer. This, I told myself, was my dose that I was going to do week 2 into my withdrawal. Again, I always do this when I cold turkey, I take a dose midway through and I’m usually fine and can continue on with no problem.
Every time I’ve ever quit, I’ve never had a problem with cravings (says the guy on his 5th relapse). My biggest focus was just to put days behind me and get through it. I never craved Kratom in this time, it was never a temptation or urge I had to fight, I was just off of it and had to normalize. This time was different though. I took that dose in my desk drawer and it was right back on. The cravings were so insane, none that I’ve ever experienced before. I’ve taken the same Kratom for pretty much the last 10 years “Earth Kratom” Green or Train Wreck, I’ve never really messed with other brands or extracts or 7oh (foreshadowing), I always did the same strain, same brand. But something was different. Maybe it’s my age, maybe it’s my addiction brain, maybe it’s something in the K nowadays, but whatever it was, I could not stop the cravings. I went about 3 weeks total and went right back to daily use and have been using again since May 3rd. And if that’s not bad enough, I’ve been experimenting with 7oh. I’m about to finish my 2nd 5 pack in two weeks! Hell yeah!
So, needless to say, I’m back here. I think a big contribution to my success before was engaging with this community, which I didn’t honestly do this last quit. I’m not going to be able to take another vacation from work, but luckily I can work from home and just take some sick time. I’m planning on jumping Memorial Day weekend and am actually looking forward to the suffering. As weird as it may sound, I’ve developed a fondness to the slow, agonizing burn of detoxing. Listening to chill music and meting the flesh from my bones. I just wish it didn’t last more than 3 weeks, but I’m really ready to be forever done with this shit. Great job to everyone for being here, it’s so much better having a community alongside for encouragement. I pray for and celebrate all of you. Please keep me in your prayers.