u/A_Few_Chairs

I crossed paths with her while she was sitting on Campus woth her two female friends. I approached her, said "Hi!" She gave me a nod. I wasn't gonna back down from there after 6 months of trying. I already introduced myself months, she doesn't say hi or anything. I even crossed paths with her twice the following days of me introducing myself to her, she, very obviously saw me but looked away. After that, i told myself no more, the answer is crystal clear. A couple months later, which is two weeks ago, she saw me standing with a classmate explaining something to him, she stared at me for 20 seconds smiling her face off. As i have decided not to react or to approach again, i noticed her and said nothing. Her smile faded away slowly over the last 5 seconds, then she walked away. When i told a close friend about it, she told me that i shouldn't have done that and convinced me to talk to her. Today, i asked her out. She said I'm already seeing someone. I said i understand. Sorry to bother you, have a nice evening. As she was going back to her table, her friend were laughing. She didn't say a single word beside that sentence. I was convinced that a clear no is better than the state i was in. Now, two hours after i asked her out, beside feeling a strong pressure (not pain) in my throat, i still feel completely numb. She was polite, and even said that sentence while smiling, perhaps flattered. I knew that a no would hurt my feelings a lot, and i was ready for it because it's still a clear answer. But i did NOT expect not to feel a thing.

What is this? I do not understand.

I had a crush on someone in my faculty for over two months. We have almost nothing in common. Different majors, we're from two different nationalities, we don't have any common courses. I sit alone most of the time in the cafeteria, and It started when we made eye contact, felt like heaven at first.
We started crossing paths almost everyday for a few weeks. Then one evening i went to the campus to play volleyball, she was there, i played with the group she was with, happened 3 times. Then SHE started joining whatever group i was playing with. Could be a coincidence that I'm misinterpreting.
Two weeks later, i started thinking about her all day every day. I've even had sleepless nights thinking about her, without actually even knowing anything about her, not even her name.
I told a friend, who was scrolling on IG, then her account got suggested to him, he showed it to me. I started learning a lot about her only from her profile, like her name, her major, where she originally lives (because our uni is in a small town, which most of the population is students).
I didn't have the courage to go talk to her. where i live, asking a girl that you don't know out it is unheard of.
So I was working on making my face familiar to her. A thing that i don't understand is that whenever i'm not looking, she stares into my soul, but whenever i do, she never looks at me, acts like i'm not even here.

On the 61st day, (yes i'm counting them) i finally got the courage to talk to her. I went up to her and was like hi! She stopped, wasn't looking at me. It felt like she was giving me an opportunity but doesn't wanna look at me unless she's sure i'm talking to her. I said if i remember correctly, we've played volleyball before, right? She said yes i remember that. I said i just wanna say hi, btw my name is … i study … then she said my name is … pleased to meet you. Then it felt like she's in a hurry so i said i won't keep you longer, she said oh yeah i got a lot of things to do, see you! That felt amazing, It was a huge dopamine bomb. But it didn't last for long.

Since i don't know anything about dating (never had a relationship) i did the absolute dumbest thing ever. I sent her a follow request on IG the next day. She rejected it, and it felt pretty bad. I was at my lowest point for a few days. We then crossed paths a couple of times after, i just wanted to say hi, hoping i could save the situation. When she sees me in a distance, again, she stares into my soul, but whenever I look at her, she obviously intentionally does not look at me. I was waiting for her to acknowledge me so i could JUST say hi.

Last time i saw her was 3 days ago, she saw me from afar, looked at me (or maybe she didn't and i'm delusional) then changed her direction. Maybe that wasn't the reason, maybe it didn't have anything to do with me. Cannot figure it out. Felt bad about it.

But last two days, i started thinking less about her, not checking her account nearly as much (i know that's creepy, but I have no bad intentions, it's just that i've been really into her). Day 68th, I no longer feel awful when one day passes without seeing her. I think that was too fast, and I'm really scared of dipping again. Finals are over, but we still have make-up exams. I have no idea whether I'm going to see her again before next year or not.

Thoughts?