r/limerence

I crossed paths with her while she was sitting on Campus woth her two female friends. I approached her, said "Hi!" She gave me a nod. I wasn't gonna back down from there after 6 months of trying. I already introduced myself months, she doesn't say hi or anything. I even crossed paths with her twice the following days of me introducing myself to her, she, very obviously saw me but looked away. After that, i told myself no more, the answer is crystal clear. A couple months later, which is two weeks ago, she saw me standing with a classmate explaining something to him, she stared at me for 20 seconds smiling her face off. As i have decided not to react or to approach again, i noticed her and said nothing. Her smile faded away slowly over the last 5 seconds, then she walked away. When i told a close friend about it, she told me that i shouldn't have done that and convinced me to talk to her. Today, i asked her out. She said I'm already seeing someone. I said i understand. Sorry to bother you, have a nice evening. As she was going back to her table, her friend were laughing. She didn't say a single word beside that sentence. I was convinced that a clear no is better than the state i was in. Now, two hours after i asked her out, beside feeling a strong pressure (not pain) in my throat, i still feel completely numb. She was polite, and even said that sentence while smiling, perhaps flattered. I knew that a no would hurt my feelings a lot, and i was ready for it because it's still a clear answer. But i did NOT expect not to feel a thing.

What is this? I do not understand.

It started as a crush on a fellow musician in my (34F) local scene. He's far more accomplished, so of course I had them on a pedestal

Then I started seeing them around. (Our social circles overlap enough to give me a false sense of hope.)

Then I found out they were single (a friend told me)

Then I saw them on Hinge and sent a like.

The anticipation and possibility that they could like me back got me high.

Then....nothing. He hasn't matched with me.

A few weeks later, we ran into each other at a bar.

We made eye contact, smiled, and nodded, but nothing else.

That 2 seconds worth of an interaction sent my mind spinning.

A few more weeks passed, and I regretted not saying hi.

So, I slipped into their DM's on Instagram saying that I had kept seeing them around, but I never actually get to say hi.

They said they had recognized me and that the next time we see each other, we'll actually introduce ourselves.

A few days later, I said, if they ever wanted to run into me on purpose, we should get coffee or a drink sometime. I dropped my number.

They left me on read.

Two weeks ago

I'm still spiraling.

I keep telling myself that he doesn't owe me anything. He doesn't. But I can't help but be so wildly offended that he didn't verbally reject me. I have to sit with the silence and I hate it.

This is so extremely embarrassing and my therapist isn't being helpful at all I don't know what to do. I feel like my behavior is fucking creepy, when in reality, I'm just shooting my shot

I'm not an unattractive woman, I get hit on pretty often. But my own attraction to other people is so insanely specific that when I find the slightest possibility of reciprocation, my mind goes absolutely haywire. I just need some help.

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH i confessed my feelings and they said they don't feel the same way.

honestly, i was limerent for quite some time but what drove me over the edge was them saying he likes someone else in the same office, and me making some ridiculous comments about their choices (definitely in bad faith and out of sheer jealousy), something like "damn, why are your choices just non-smart women".

i know it was wrong of me to say, but i was drunk and myself and my friend were just saying this seemingly in jest but i knew that it had stemmed from insane jealousy. i apologised immediately the next day and today i confessed my feelings saying that my behaviour was due to envy because I'm in love with them.

they said they don't feel the same way at all, but they're upset at my behaviour but will nevertheless try to act normally.

The real fucking kicker is that now i hate them. Actually hate them. I don't want anything to do with them. They have gotten drunk and said so many hurtful things repeatedly and again and again and again and i have gulped it all down because I liked them that much. But i make some ridiculous joke about some fucking random in their life and i get the silent treatment? I have really gone above and beyond for them and they gave me no grace.

Let them be distant. I really don't care. They are the type to use my friendship (because we were best friends and saw each other on the daily) and then drop me like a hot fucking potato when they are interested in someone new.

Also, i now clearly see the loserness of my LO. They fucking suck, guys!!!!!!!

(a LOT of this is copium and i am trying my very best to not burst into tears)

This is so incoherent and stupid but I feel:

- a bit free and light for sure,

- certain that i had misinterpreted every single thing they did (call me every weekend to see what I am doing, invite me to their house, sleep on the same goddamn bed, cuddle, etc.);

- DEMOLISHED because we made so many plans together but i know that they weren't serious about any of it. I am just a fucking stopgap.

anyway, fuck this. Fuck limerence.

Suggest some hobbies for someone who's 30, bad at everything and doesn't care about anything.

ETA: i just want to clarify that i think they suck because they did a lot of "romantic" things with me knowing full well (i) i liked them as i had also confessed in the past when they had casually asked me, and (ii) then acting like I am fucking stupid for making anything else of it LOL.

i am generally not a fan of "lead someone on" narratives because friendship shouldn't and doesn't lead people on. I know how to discern friendship from something more. And calling me for hours every weekend? Everyday? Even though we meet in office? Flirting with me? Saying me they missed me when I was on vacation????? SLEEPING ON THE SAME FUCKING BED?

Am I reading too much into it????????

feeling so hopeless and disgusted with myself. I hate them and i hate myself and this will never go away.

I am so worried that I am not gonna like anyone else for a long time because I am in love with a fool who doesn't like me like that.

The overwhelming "why not me" of it all is so heartbreaking and knife-twisting.

I think the hardest bit for me is the dopamine I get from daydreaming and fantasing, fuelled by hypersexuality and ADHD. I can cut back on contact etc and I can take people off pedestals but the craving and fantasy gives me dopamine and acts as a driving force that my brain doesn't naturally provide. I'm aware that whoever is my LO just becomes the face of my fantasies, which I feel guilty about.

Any dopamine hacks that can help would be appreciated 😂

It's been almost a year since I've seen them last time and my fixation ceases to evaporate regardless of what I do. For context, I'm a pretty indoorsy person, especially during the colder months - then I go into hermit mode and spend my days researching things that I find interesting. Ever since I fell into the trap of limerence, they have been the glue to all my interests. Everything I research leads to them - understanding them better, understanding our dynamic better etc. I don't check their socials, we don't text each other, we've never done anything romantic. Nothing. And yet... I accept all advice.

That’s my goal anyway….but I’m feeling intense anxiety just thinking about it . I’m just worried she’s going to be weirded or think I was stalkery. Like this feels like the most shameful part of who I am.

Anyone talk to their therapist about it? Were you better for it ?

I myself have/had limerance and I'm trying to figure out if a co worker is limerant for me. I've worked with him for years and I went carpooled for a few years. He had a strong crush on me that went borderline creepy, he keep an eye on who I was talking to and he'd go in a mood with that person if it was a guy ect (I could go on for hours about the stuff I've noticed over the years) the only thing that makes me think it isn't limerance is the almost angry possessiveness.

My limerance was never like his and I'd like to get some other feedback from others

I have epilepsy. I was born with a heart problem. I broke my neck in an injury. None of these things compare to the pain I feel from limerence. I am so. Fucking. Tired. I am so fucking tired of being obsessed with this person who I met 13 years ago and haven’t talked to in 8 years. I think about them 24 hours a day. And it’s ruining my life. They’re not even in my life anymore and there’s no way to contact them. But here I am, completely destroyed with limerence. I can’t take it anymore.

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For two years, I've been limerent toward a girl who was already in a relationship. It made me feel like a fucking crazy person, like there was something seriously wrong with me. It was torture. I’ve lost count of how many times I cried myself to sleep at night with my heart absolutely aching.

For a while now, the intrusive thoughts about her have been coming up less and less often. But here’s the catch: I feel like thoughts about another girl have started creeping into my head more and more. She’s very beautiful, by the way, and, to make matters worse, she’s a lesbian.

What can I actually do to stop these thoughts from developing into another full-blown limerence cycle before I get emotionally attached again?

There’s a guy I’ve been limerent over for 4 months now and I have no idea if my feelings are one sided but to kill it I feel like finding out if he feels the same or if he has a girlfriend. He is leaving our workplace soon. I feel like I have nothing to lose and it’ll probably help me get over it if he doesn’t feel the same or has a girlfriend?

Have you ever talked to someone who has never experienced limerence?

I was in the "talking stage" with a woman in her 30s who had never experienced limerence, or even infatuation, and one of her fears was that she would most likely never experience anything like that.

I noticed that all of my LOs have been following a pattern. I grew up in an alcoholic home (my dad was the alcoholic) and I want to feel wanted by guys who replicate the environment in which I did not feel wanted.

Oooof. Anyways hopes this helps sonebody else.

I've been crushing on this guy since a week. Idk enough about him to be so obsessed w him. It's probably this idea of him. Sort of a Limerence or whatever they call it. Atp i wake up with this feeling. Everytime I think about it, i feel the same way i felt before crying myself to bed the night before. He's too out of my league. I know I can't have him. All he asks me is whether I worked out or not. He's rlly into working on his body, mma etc. and I'm none of that. Our music taste barely matches but I've learned to like more of what he likes. Atp I've reached an unhealthy level like constantly stalking him and all. Ik it's harming his privacy so i stopped but it's rlly worrying me what I'm becoming. I'm genuinely scaring myself. I'm not in love w him anyway so even if he agrees to give me a chance, what if i can't treat him right? What if I'm js obsessed w the way he makes me feel. I'm obsessed w this feeling he brings me. The last time I felt this way was in 6th grade or smtg. I can't accept the fact that he'll never like me cuz what am I gonna do w all these poems and presents? I'll try my best to be better. I'll workout and try to make friends and take good pictures. I'll get better at chess and maybe even play my guitar well someday but what if it's already too late after all that? Ik I'm not doing anything for myself here but trying to respect and like myself is a hopeless case I don't wanna talk about. Idk I'm rlly nervous rn cuz it's my first time letting my feelings go anywhere outa my notes lol