r/limerence

I guess I prefer the term situationship because I don’t want to fully commit due to my intense feelings towards my ex who is my LO.

I like spending time with the person I’m currently dating, but I don’t feel any type of spark. It’s like I’m just going through the motions with him. I’m really hesitant to break it off though because he’s so nice and I know it’ll crush his feelings and I don’t want to hurt him. That’s not a good reason to stay, but I don’t know how to end it because I do genuinely care for him. Nothing is really wrong either, I just can’t fully get into it. The worst part is when we have sex all I think about is my LO.

What do I even do here? I feel so trapped and guilty for dating someone when I’m not over my ex but at the same time I really want to get over him and get my life back. It’s been well over a year since he broke up with me.

How does one handle being with someone romantically while still being obsessed with an LO?

I guess I’m just venting here and need to get this off my chest somewhere. I’m so confused.

I guess I'm just seeking some reassurance that it's possible to experience intense attraction again to a person aside from your LO. I mean, maybe attraction this intense isn't a good thing, I'm not sure lol. It's like this person just became my type overnight to the point where now no one else even feels like my type. My type is just "LO" lol. It seems almost like a waste that my LO is perfectly my type and I'll probably never even get a chance to shoot my shot with them. But sorry, I digress. If anyone has an experience of being this attracted to someone then moving on from it where you could experience intense attraction to another person and even have a rewarding relationship with them, I'd be curious to hear.

Hi, Im struggling with rumination and repetitive thoughts. I have feelings for one of my close friends and it just developed, I didn't want it to, but it did. She was someone I spent a lot of time with, we'd get lunch, we'd got for a hike, exercise together, see films and go to gigs, we'd talk a lot and gradually I just developed feelings for her. I didn't want to say anything for a long time. She was seeing someone and then they broke up and she was dealing with a lot of difficult things. I cared about her and I didn't want to add to what she was dealing with. This went on for months. It got to the point though where my feelings were driving me mad, I had a panic attack because I thought she knew how I felt. I knew she was going travelling and I decided that before she went I would tell her, because then she'd be away doing things and then I could just get on with things on my end, it seemed maybe the least worst way to get this off my chest.

I had intended to write her a letter, just saying how I felt and wishing her all the happiness in the world with her travels. One day however, our friendship group was doing something and she brought this guy with her, I knew immediately she was seeing him and it broke me. I had to go outside and burst into tears. I spoke to a friend who saw how I was and they said I had to just tell her.

I did, and she was furious with me. She was so angry and said she wasn't responsible for my feelings, which she obviously thought I was implying. She didn't speak to my for 2 weeks, and even then after that everything had changed. It felt like it was over, our friendship had died and I had killed it. I cried every day for that two weeks. I hadn't just been rejected by someone I had feelings for but I felt that I had hurt my friend and also destroyed our friendship. I miss her a lot an I constantly ruminate on and think about what happened. I needed to say something because it was tearing me apart but at the same time I wish I hadn't because the pain of losing her as my friend feels just as bad. I feel I was damned whatever I did. I didn't think I had done anything wrong by saying how I felt, but maybe I did.

I honestly I just wish I hadn't said anything because the pain I feel from losing her as my friend is worse than anything else. I just feel like I'm stuck a loop, I'm having counselling and talk to some friends, and this happened over 6 months ago and still sticks in my head. I think about it every day, and I feel this constant sadness and loss. It's grief, I know that, and eventually things will get better, but I just wish I could go back and not say anything. I have a mutual friend who keeps doing things with her and I've had to ask her not to tell me what they are doing. I feel like a crazy person because I don't understand why I am so affected by this, but it honestly just hurts more than anything I've ever felt. I guess posting randomly I'm hoping someone will just say you're not mad, you aren't an obsessive freak who needs to be put in a padded cell, because that's how I feel, I feel like there is something wrong with me.

man idk where to start, i've been feeling like that for a year and i can't even tell if that's love or limerence... so i'm a 17 M and ik it's normal in my age to be craving that love feeling and i get that with alot of girls yet i don't take action coz i dont believe this is real and pure love feelings, but something is different with this one girl... ik her from the internet and haven't even met her irl, and we used to text as friends and allat but we stopped coz there was like nothing intresting but she is still in my snap and we have some common intrests...

yet the bigger problem apart from that i haven't met her irl is that she is 13 and i dont know why i'm attracted to her, i think i just like her looks, and this just makes me feel guilty of myself even tho i don't take like crush actions with her and flirt on texting or anything like that and something tells me that we are meant for each other even tho this is a near impossible chance and unlike anyone who likes someone they wanna try and reach out to them, its different for me i wanna stop thinking about her and fanticising my life with her yet i still feel that warm feeling towards her by just remembering her which makes me disgusted of myself coz i can't control my attraction to her as she's really younger than me, even tho it's all in my head and there is no big actions , i just open snaps or answer her dms every now and then to avoid getting close to her as much as i can.

i watch vids on how to stop limerence or stop thinking about someone yet nothing helps... is there anything i can do?

idk if that is some kind of flirting or not but i went to paris once and she told me i really give off paris vibes like in my swag , i dont know if that seems normal or not but my obssesed brain keeps telling me that she flirts with me and i really want to end it all in my mind...

Hello,

After a few months on a job and speaking with people briefly,I ended up speaking with a female coworker, I just opened up to her about my divorce, turns out she is also a divorcee.

We were talking about managing subordinates and how to approach documenting a bad apple.

After talking a little shop she complimented me on my work ethic and mentioned how much I deliver. I didn't think anything of it.

We also each have our own kids nearly the same age, another similarity.

I give her full attention and eye contact when we speak, she does the same. Our conversations do not involve work anymore but instead it's about our lives and things we enjoy. I don't know if I'm being humored but she smiles warmly and does small things to help me out in her department.

I like this woman, she wasn't my type until we started speaking and when I felt like we had similarities, and did small things like help me out and join me for lunch, it made my head spin and I cannot get enough of her.

We still enjoy warm conversations today , Ive been into her since June

Im quite a bit older than her maybe 10 years or more.

I want to shoot my shot ,for some reason I feel like this is "nothing ventured nothing gained.

Last time I was limerent over a coworker we got married. Everything played out in my head became reality.

Im uncertain.

I saw you from afar today…at work. Why do I lose my breath whenever I see you? I told you my feelings had changed even though this still happens. I don’t want it to. Why can’t my mind and my body be on the same page? It really isn’t fair. I know you probably don’t think anything of it…seeing me. You never did. It’s just another day for you. And my heart won’t stop racing…longing for the impossible. Any one else have this happen? 😞

What is the difference between genuine feelings for someone and limerence? Can you experience both at the same time?

I think I was blocked on partiful by this person, I can’t see their profile despite having a ton of mutual friends. I know this is ridiculous but this subreddit I felt comfortable talking about it because yall understand the angst that comes with your person in general. I just feel sick thinking they went out of their way to block me? do they feel creeped out by me? we’ve only met once (where we actually had a convo) I’ve seen them once since then.

I'm a gamer and am currently experiencing limerence with a guy I play with (I've experienced it with others my entire life). I would never want to be in a relationship with him, and I actually find him pretty annoyi g half the time when we're playing. But he has a crush on me and I absolutely love the attention he gives me (I hate even writing that out bc it is so shameful and gross). We would play for hours at a time, and he'd play whatever I wanted bc he just wanted to talk to me. He knows I don't want anything more bc he lives so far away (though I wouldn't date him even if he were closer), but we have fun flirting and joking around.

However, he has found someone who is actually interested, and he now plays with her every day for hours on end. I know this because I can see his history in the game we usually play, so I can see exactly how much he plays with her. Or he goes days without signing onto that game and ik he's playing another game with her.

And now I'm doing all the limerence things. Obsessively looking at his game history to see if he was playing with her when he wasn't opening my snaps for hours, keeping the game open even when I'm not playing so he sees me and invites me (he doesn't bc he's playing with her lol). It makes me absolutely SICK thinking about him giving that same attention to another girl, and when I see that they're playing together I get a horrible pain in my stomach. He still snapchats me daily and asks me to play here and there, but not nearly as much.

I'm not a remotely jealous person when limerence isn't involved, and I am so conscious of hurting others that I spend an unhealthy amount of time worrying if I've upset someone, but I become a different person when limerence hits. Recently when he's reached out I've been so cold and bitchy to him, and he is clearly confused and hurt. In those moments I want him to know I'm upset, I want him to feel horrible for talking to someone else--even though I don't even want him!!! I have a couple other guys I game with a lot, so it's even more hypocritical and shitty of me to behave this way! It's like I just want him to exist to validate me and give me attention, and have no life outside of that (🤮).

He is a wonderful guy and the tiny sane part of my brain that is still in tact genuinely wants him to find someone and be happy, bc he deserves it. But then the limerence monster takes over and it feels like I genuinely have no control over my actions (even though I know I do).

Trying to channel all of this into my hobbies and improving my mental health, bc I know this wouldn't be happening so badly if I was happy with my life. I just hate the person I become when I'm in limerence ☹️

I recently broke it off with a situationship because it got too emotional and intense on my end, and the fellow isn't available like that.

I've been processing it. But last few days when I take Methylphenidate it's like I CANNOT STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM and processing every interaction.

When it wears off I can actuality escape it. Has anyone experienced this? Thinking of lowering my dosage for a few days?? Anything??

I have ocd and adhd. Taking an NRI daily in addition to the Methylphenidate.

I met someone on Reddit last year. We had a really good connection, talked for a while, then stopped because we were both busy and he felt like things weren’t going anywhere. I moved on.

We reconnected in October and he told me he had brain cancer. I don't know what happened, but I instantly became extremely attached and limerance started.

We did have amazing chemistry but i knew i was more into him.

We started talking every day, sometimes all night. I’d reread our messages constantly and got that intense limerence high.

Then he’d disappear for a few days, understandably, and I’d have horrible withdrawals. In January we got even closer, and then in April he had surgery and chemo and understandably stopped replying.

Its been 4 months now

I know logically that he’s sick and this isn’t about me. But my brain doesn’t accept it. He’ll message after a few days, I’ll feel okay again, and then when he disappears I spiral. I know specifically now after surgery he doesnt even like me.

The problem is, whenever I start getting over it, I message him again to ask how he’s doing because I’m genuinely scared he might not survive.

I feel completely stuck between caring about him and being addicted to the connection.

How do I let go without feeling like I’m abandoning someone who is seriously ill? I really need to get my life back.

The guy and that woman had some kind of fallout, and eventually they stopped being connected on social media. I still follow her, though. It’s been seven or eight years, and lately I’ve been wondering if that was a really bad idea.

Because whenever I see her stories or posts, I don’t really see her as herself anymore, I see her through his eyes. I find myself wondering what he would have replied to a particular story, or what he might have thought about a picture. Sometimes I’ll look at her and think, She looks so beautiful here. Maybe this is what he saw in her. Maybe this is why he chose her over me.

And the constant comparison is exhausting. I know I should probably mute or block her so I stop seeing her, but somehow I keep going back and stalking her profile almost every day. I think a part of me is still trying to figure out what she had that I didn’t, what it was about her that he found in her and not in me.

I know this isn’t really about her anymore. It’s about me constantly looking at her through the lens of someone who chose her, and trying to find an answer to a question that may never have an answer.

This is a straight up clinical and psychological impairment. I know it isnt mentioned in the DSM-5 as a formal diagnosis or disorder but damn it still feels like it’s something like it!

This weird thing keeps happening, where I'm brought to the edge of tears everytime someone who was exactly my type drastically cuts their hair shorter. I feel so disillusioned, afraid, dreadful, every single fucking time like I desperately need to hide in my bed until I just get over it.

I want something else to get attached to, something that's not so fleeting as an outer persona.

My LO is actually a pretty good person. He's gentle and caring. He tries to do the right thing and always thinks of others. I like to observe him being gentle, it is mainly the reason that he became my LO. I was wondering, however, has anyone been limerent and their person been kind of a crappy person?

You can throw away old pictures, delete texts & emails, block & unfollow, but damn, you can’t delete the memories in your mind or erase & block the feelings in deep in your heart..

I might delete this post later, depending on my level of shame lol. I'm so sorry if this is triggering for people, I just need to vent.

Well, it seems it's happened to me: almost overnight I've become completely obsessed and infatuated with one person (someone I've only seen online, doesn't know I exist, and likely never will). I'm aware it's not love, it's purely based on sexual attraction and a desire to be desired by them.

I've had very strong crushes before, and even experienced limerence on rare occasion, but this is like nothing I've ever experienced. It's not just the all-consuming thoughts and fantasies about them and yearning to be noticed by them. More disturbing is how I find my LO to be the most sexually attractive person I've ever seen and they make even other very attractive people seem lackluster by comparison. This person is just so my type, pushes buttons in ways I couldn't have even imagined, and I feel like I'll never be as attracted to anyone ever again. Hopefully the novelty of this infatuation will wear off soon and maybe it's not even genuine limerence.

Of course I fantasize about meeting them and various scenarios unfolding. But I also wish I could interact with them just to be able to see their flaws, find them less desirable, and kill the fantasy.

Like it feels so so good. It does feel really bad too and it takes you to such dark places and makes you do things that you wouldn't do if you were sane... But when things go well it's like you're on a perpetual dream; all your problems suddenly don't seem so important and you don't worry about the future that much and you stop crying every night until you fall asleep because you feel like you actually have a purpose now, because there's something that gives you hope. You feel human again, there is SOMETHING to look forward to, even if it completely messed you up, even if you sacrificed youself, your career and your friends for that person.

It's hard to explain why one would be willing to ruin their whole life for someone else but it just feels that good, it's addicting specially when your life is otherwise horrible.

I don't know what to do because it's coming back. I have a stable life now and I feel the urge and I don't know what to do to avoid it. Because pursuing it will make me deteriorate, mind and body, and destroy everything I managed to achieve. I'm scared and I don't know what to do