u/highasabird

From my research, Limerence is 50% trauma from childhood or cPTSD. People who were raised in nurturing and healthy attachment styles where the needs were met, simply do not experience Limerence.

I’ve been watching and working on the questions Madeline asks on her YouTube series ‘You Reclaimed Project. I feel like I had a breakthrough today. In one of her videos she mentions how our LO is a reflection of our personal archetype, typically representing a caretaker, and/or desires and needs of ours that are unmet.

I first I thought my LO was representing as my dad, but today I realized my LO represents my younger brother. My brother was the opposite of me as a child (and still is today). He’s confident, handsome, smart, makes friends very easily, popular, and was desired and liked by others. My LO appears to me the same way, popular (had a very big following), is well known/seek/desired by his BDSM/kink community, and is smart and handsome.

Me: very insecure, an outcast, struggled to make friends and connections, I don’t feel smart (unless it’s my special interest) and I never felt attractive, I’ve never felt like I belong anywhere, and I’ve never had more that 1-3 friends who initiate connections with me.

I’ve always wished I was my brother. I wished people liked and desired me. I wish I was smart, attractive, interesting, and belonged where I live and interact in. Then it occurred to me that no one will be able to fully know and accept me, than myself and Mother (the name of my higher power). So my need to be desired, liked, appreciated, connected, and understood comes from me appreciating, connecting, and understanding myself.

My trauma comes from the negative core belief I grew to believe; that I was a burden and inconvenience to my family, friends, and community. I’ve always thought my brother didn’t like me and was sometimes embarrassed by me. Then yesterday he told me he has never been embarrassed by me. That he loves me and is proud of the person I’ve become.

Now I ask, how do I do that? How do I meet my needs and wants?

Also if you’re pre-menopause or menopause is your Limerence harder to control when in it?

I’m 41 and premenopausal - I’ve been watching my cycle more intently the past 6 months and my PMS symptoms have gotten worse. It started with feeling tender and sad, but now with Limerence activated I feel closer to depression. Last cycle was the worst of it all, the lows are really hard.

Almost a week ago I’ve cut out my LO from Instagram, but I fed my Limerence monster just a moment ago to unblock and look at his stories. What’s eating at me is that he’s not interested in me, not even as a friend, and that he won’t notice nor care I quietly disappear. The past two days this sadness has increased and I checked my period tracking app and BOOM, my period starts in 4 days.

I feel just so sad and lonely right now. I am going out to events and being with friends. I am writing in my journal, meditating, and working with my therapist. I’m reading and watching *You Reclaimed Project* on YouTube. These moments help, but at some point I have to stop or be by myself and that’s when the intrusive thoughts come in. I just feel so incredibly sad right now, I know it’s chemicals and hormones, but the feelings are still there. I’m trying my best to feel my feelings and let them pass through.

I’m just so tired of this Liberace, of myself, of my brain. I don’t want to feel influenced by my LO. I don’t want to care that he doesn’t care. I’m tired, so goddamn tired of it all.