u/RunLate3317

Like it feels so so good. It does feel really bad too and it takes you to such dark places and makes you do things that you wouldn't do if you were sane... But when things go well it's like you're on a perpetual dream; all your problems suddenly don't seem so important and you don't worry about the future that much and you stop crying every night until you fall asleep because you feel like you actually have a purpose now, because there's something that gives you hope. You feel human again, there is SOMETHING to look forward to, even if it completely messed you up, even if you sacrificed youself, your career and your friends for that person.

It's hard to explain why one would be willing to ruin their whole life for someone else but it just feels that good, it's addicting specially when your life is otherwise horrible.

I don't know what to do because it's coming back. I have a stable life now and I feel the urge and I don't know what to do to avoid it. Because pursuing it will make me deteriorate, mind and body, and destroy everything I managed to achieve. I'm scared and I don't know what to do

I've always had problems accepting my own body and we both believed it was just dysmorphia and he thought it would go away if he just loved me enough and helped me through it. But I believe it's more than that, I believe what I am experiencing is dysphoria and every day it feels worse when he calls me his girlfriend or small or cute or maternal or feminine. We have spent so much time together that if I now bring this up he will think everything we went through was a lie, and that I always felt bad in this relationship which is not the case, I love him and this relationship is the best thing to ever happen to me.

However he has been going through a though time and he says he wants to have stability in his life and this news will affect him greatly. I have been trying to repress it for a while just to see if I could bear it for him but it's not working. I don't want the me feeling bad affecting our relationship but I don't want him to be scarred and affected by this.

I don't know if he will leave me, I mean he is a heterosexual man so probably and it really scares me and I don't want that to happen but, if it happens, I just want him to not think that everything wss a big lie or something. I don't want to make him feel bad.

Please if you have a trans partner who came out during your relationship pleasd help me.