r/mypartneristrans

Hey Reddit 👋🏻 So my wife (M2F) and I (cis woman) have a 10 year old son (male). We have all been in therapy to work through my wife’s transition and be supportive. Our son has been talking a lot about Jesus and wanting to go back to church. We were raised Catholic and he received first holy communion. Then we stopped going. My wife doesn’t believe in God and I’m not sure what I believe in. Last week our son’s mood seemed off. After a little prodding, he confessed that he HATES ALL THE CHANGES. I was stunned. 😳 He seemed to be managing everything so well. What changed? Idk. Then he said that he doesn’t believe in transgender. That there is only two genders and that’s what he believes. Then he stopped using “Mom” and “she/her”. When I would correct him he would just stare at me. Usually he corrects himself.

Like…I have no idea how to proceed lol. I told my wife and she didn’t seem phased by this. She said, yeah this journey is going to take time … sometimes you’re at a level 5 and then you drop back to a level 2…it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love her or is mad at her.

How do I be supportive of my son when he doesn’t seem to be supportive of my wife at the moment.

Any advice is appreciated! Thank you ☺️

Edit to add: I asked him where he heard that there are only 2 genders and he said it was YouTube!!! I am shocked. But am I? I will have to check what videos he is watching.

hey all! i’m a cis girl with a mtf partner, we’ve been together for nearly 4 years and she started HRT i wanna say like 5 months ago? anyways no complaints with that, her transition is going smoothly and that makes me happier than anything <3 BUT!! when it comes to us trying to have sex, she can’t really get/stay hard 😭 just sharing to hear from people of trans partners, how do you handle this period of time if you’ve gone through it? i’m trying my best to not let it hit my self esteem bc ik that’s not her fault at all, but like it’s still like a little ouch 😭 and for ftm trans partners, if you’re comfortable sharing, did you have a point of ED on estrogen, and if you had a partner at the time how did you handle it with them? sorry if i typed/explained this kinda bad, thank you all in advance!!

Hello! I am a newly discovered lesbian. And I joined because I'm processing how Long I've been a lesbian and didn't accept it. I know others have discovered it even later to me. But it's a lot!

Also! My partner at the same time is going through her trans journey. And I am so excited for her and love that. But also, after the lesbian identity discovery, I'm borderline repulsed by male genitalia. Does anyone relate to this?

I posted about my mom a couple of weeks ago. My children had been telling me that she’d been talking about my wife when the kids were over at her house. Saying things about her having a penis, they can’t have two moms, and things like that. Basically telling my kids that their parents are wrong because one of them is trans. We hadn’t talked to my parents since. I’d been ignoring all calls and blocked them on all social media. Things were peaceful.

Until yesterday. My parents showed up out of the blue to bring a bunch of toys to the kids from their house. The kids were so excited that they were here because they’ve missed their grandparents. They don’t realize what all is going on. I should’ve just made the kids stay inside but they were so excited to see them and really wanted to go outside. So we did. First my mom tried acting like everything was totally normal. Then my son told her she needed to apologize. She did but when I brought up the issues that she seemed totally unaware of, she basically told me the kids were lying. They’re young. They exaggerate and don’t share things verbatim. But there’s always some truth in what they say. She then told me that she didn’t tell them they couldn’t have two moms, instead she told them she wouldn’t pretend they have two moms. Which isn’t any better. She refuses to accept my wife and thinks I should totally be fine with it. She doesn’t understand why I’d be hesitant to let her spend time with the kids without me there. I know she’ll never accept my wife. She’s too deep into Christianity. But I just can’t agree to disagree.

I started dating my partner in 2020 when he identified as a cisgender woman. At that time, I (cisgender woman), considered myself bisexual because I had been with men and women. My partner was a more masculine presenting lesbian, but still had very feminine features. We moved fairly quickly and had a very healthy sex life. I was in love and knew this was the person I wanted to spend my life with. We worked through other challenges and truly built a strong and solid relationship. He’s my best friend.
Fast forward to 2022 and we were engaged. Later that year, he sat me down and told me he wanted to use they/them pronouns. I was not shocked and kind of expected this. As we were planning our wedding, he came out as trans. I was supportive (I still had overwhelming positive and negative feelings. It’s a huge change!), I loved him, and I was so sure that my feelings for him wouldn’t change because he was still… well, him. I fell in love with his laugh, his kindness, and his adventurous spirit. It’s not like I fell in love with his physical feminine features. So, we proceeded with our wedding and have now been married for 2 years.
During our marriage, he has cut his hair, had top surgery and started testosterone. I’ve noticed that through each of these steps, I feel more and more distant from him. He is still my best friend. We share so many laughs and adventures. My family adores him. I miss him when he’s away on work trips. But our sex life is pretty much nonexistent… because of me. The testosterone has 100% increased his sex drive but I get cold feet every time he suggests something. He’s asked me if I’m not attracted to him and I never know the answer, so I always find some lame excuse for not being in the mood (not my best move, but I can’t even figure out the feelings I want to communicate).
Over the last year, I also find myself with strong feelings of jealousy for those in wlw relationships. I miss the femininity and softness of our relationship. I’ve started questioning if I’m actually a lesbian and if I’m finding more platonic love towards my husband. I want him to be happy, and after his transition he has truly come into his own as a person. I love seeing him so comfortable and joyful in his skin. But I can’t help feeling resentment that he gets to live his truth while I am questioning everything. Then I feel guilty for feeling that way…I’m just at a loss. I don’t want to give up on an otherwise strong and healthy relationship. But I can’t stop feeling like something is missing… how do I even bring up this conversation? Is there any solution? Again, I feel lost.

Hey people, I hope I don’t upset anyone by this post. My intentions are genuine and I’m looking to meet new people who are in a similar position that I’m currently in

I’m in my early 30”s (cis het male) and I’ve been dating my girlfriend(mtf) for over a year now and she’s absolutely amazing and I hope this relationship continues to grow and prosper. I love her!

I wanted to see if there are any cis het guys out there who are married or in a relationship with a woman. Sometimes I feel it’s nice to talk to someone who understands where I’m coming from and what I’ve experienced first hand. Also I’m curious how many of you are out there that are kind of like me (best way I can phrase it at this time). I do my best to be an ally and maybe I can learn from other men on how they approach tricky relationship dynamics that we both might have encountered. I’m always open to making new friends

Please don’t hesitate to DM me!

Cheers!

Hi everyone,
I’m a cisgender heterosexual woman and my partner is a transgender person assigned male at birth who identifies as female and plans to begin hormone replacement therapy very soon.

For the sake of honesty and clarity, I will refer to my partner as “he” in this post, not out of disrespect for his identity, but because part of my struggle is that I still experience and love him as the man I originally fell in love with. That conflict itself is a significant part of what I am trying to understand.

Before we started dating, I already knew that he wore makeup, enjoyed crossdressing, loved cute things, and experienced gender dysphoria. I knew he was probably somewhere close to being transgender. However, I only learned about his plans for hormone therapy after we had already entered the relationship.

I love him deeply, not only as a man but as a person.
However, I am also undeniably heterosexual.
Because of that, I am struggling immensely with the reality that he may gradually become more physically female over time, whatever that eventually looks like for him.
I feel as though my own identity and role as a woman are somehow being threatened. I find myself unconsciously comparing myself to him and feeling inferior. Sometimes it feels as though the person I fell in love with is slowly disappearing in front of me, even though he is still right here beside me.
Perhaps the most painful part is that the person I most want to support is also the person I feel least able to support.

The stress has become so intense that I’ve experienced panic attacks, crying spells, insomnia, and overwhelming anxiety.

Until now, he wore women’s clothing outside the house, but at home he usually wore ordinary men’s clothes.
Tonight he happily showed me a new frilly nightgown-style loungewear dress and said, “Look! I bought this new roomwear! Isn’t it cute?”
It seems like such a small thing.
But in that moment something inside me broke.
My heart immediately started screaming in a way I cannot fully explain.

I love him very much.
I genuinely believe that, given enough time, it is possible that I may gradually come to accept parts of this journey. I want to stay with him because I love him deeply as a human being.

But tonight made me realize how exhausted I already am.
Hormone therapy hasn’t even started yet, and I know there will likely be many more moments like this as his body and presentation become more feminine over time.
The thought of having to survive this grief over and over again is terrifying.

What makes this even harder is that I don’t think transgender people themselves can easily understand this feeling.
And because of that, I don’t feel safe talking about it.
Sometimes it feels as though partners like me are expected to either celebrate every step enthusiastically or leave the relationship entirely, and that any grief, jealousy, loss, insecurity, or fear we experience is treated as something ugly or morally wrong.

I don’t want to invalidate transgender people.
I don’t want to stop his transition.
I don’t even want him to change who he is for me.
I’m simply grieving.

Has anyone else experienced this as the cis partner of a transgender person?
How did you survive the guilt of loving someone so deeply while simultaneously grieving the changes that made them happier?

Thank you for reading.

My mtf girlfriend wants to have a bottom surgery but I (M) am really bummed out by this since i really love dick and i am not sure if i will feel the same way about her without her dick.

I don't want to stop her from doing something she has wanted to do most of her life i am just worried about our sexual compatibility after.

Am i a bad guy for thinking like this?

I talked with her about this aswell and she is really sad about my feelings and has said that she will do it and if i don't like it we will just have to part ways...

But the thing is i really love her, we've been together for a while i am just worried about the sex part of the relationship since I feel like it is a big part of our life..

Anything i could do to make myself be ready for it? Have us stay together after? Or do you people think there's no chance for us?

Hi, new to this kinda thing but I’m struggling. I’m non binary myself but my girlfriend just came out as trans (ftm). I pretty much knew it would be a thing, and saw it coming but I’m not interested in men. She also specifically stated I get “special privileges” and doesn’t want to my bf and wants me to continue using she, girlfriend, etc. I had this whole life planned with her and now it feels like it’s being shredded in front of me. Leaving her in not an option, I love her too much and want her to be happy way too much. But I don’t know how to process things? Socially, mentally, physically all of it is stressing me out bad. I just don’t want to lose the person I fell in love with. I’m scared she’ll become unrecognizable to me or that she’ll decide it’s easier to start over fresh with someone who doesn’t know any different.

Being that I’m non binary I feel like this shouldn’t be as stressful as it is, and I feel terrible. I know I’ll never stop loving her, but I’m terrible with change and am just so scared for the future. I have no one to talk to.

I've been seeing a lot of negativity on this sub lately so I just wanna share something positive!! (and a lil selfish, but whatever!)
My boyfriend (ftm) and I (cis woman) are going to the beach in less than a week for my bday and I'm pretty sure he's proposing!!!! I'm so excited I can't wait! I just love him so much and I'm so happy I met the love of my life. He's the best partner I've ever had and I wouldn't trade him for anything. ❤️❤️❤️

My partner came out trans, and I love them a lot but whenever they talk about their transition and stuff, I get sad and I feel super guilty.

We've been together for a year or so, just under and we met online playing a game we really loved. For the majority of our relationship, they had been making jokes about wanting to be a girl and having aspects of being a girl, so when they fully came out, it wasn't a surprise to me. I've always been supportive of their choices and have always told them to do what makes them happy, however, now that they've started to embrace that they want to transition, I've felt really sad about it and it makes me feel super guilty.

I'm bisexual and have dated women before so I don't really think it's the attraction. I have no idea why I feel this way. They spoke to me today about feeling super happy with our relationship and that they think we're the healthiest we've ever been, but I feel guilty about it all. I have no problem with them transitioning but I just feel so sad when they talk about it. I've always been super avoidant to change after growing up in an abusive household.

I have spoken to them about it and they said they understand, even if it did hurt them. I'm not sure if it's just a thing that I need to let settle because of my aversion to change or it's something else :/ I don't really have anyone else to speak to about this, and I feel guilty about talking about it to anyone in the first place :/

Sorry if this is just a big load of nothing, I find it hard to articulate myself and I don't want this to come off as if I don't support them, because I do, and I really want them to be happy and to be themselves and embrace it, I'm just finding it hard to find my footing and I'm really struggling with it.

Hi! I’m a queer cis gendered woman (35) and my partner is a 33 year old nonbinary transmasc. When we first got together it was slow and intentional we never rushed meeting, having sex, or developing an emotional connection. It was beautiful and amazing I wouldn’t change it. At first sex wasn’t often due to distance but when we did see each other with breaks from work we were wayyyy more consistent in the bedroom. And the sex was A-MAZING.

Before I continue I’ll say I am WAY more sexually adventurous and willing to try things than they are. I’m the one with a drawer of toys ready to roleplay. My partner is very vanilla so to an extent (not to shame myself) I wonder if I scare them.

From my research, taking T can change your libido one way or the other. Also the body dysmorphia of it all. And no one truly knows what it’ll be like for them. I don’t know if that can change but my partner was on T consistently for 4 years before we met.

For the last 3-4 months sex has been a chore or something to pencil on the schedule, we both aren’t that busy. Sometimes I get cuddles on the couch or my feet rubbed. In bed we don’t cuddle at all anymore. I couldn’t even tell you the last time we actually made out. A kiss in the morning and before bed, and any other kisses if I explicitly ask but nothing spontaneous. Nothing because of pure yearning and devotion.

I’m at the point where it’s really getting to me mentally and I think my partner just doesn’t care or thinks I’m nagging. I’m starting to feel like me being plus size is the issue or I’m just not enough in ways I’m not aware of. They say they don’t care if I use toys without them but again I’m adventurous I want them to watch and share that intimate moment.

Any time I do try to bring this topic up they’re not engaged. They’re dismissive, rush the conversation or just act uninterested. I feel like I’m being tolerated, not seen, heard or even an attempt to understand my perspective. I’m very patient and I love them sooo deeply more than I’ve lived before but I cannot be in a sexless partnership ESPECIALLY with no intimacy whatsoever.

Has anyone experienced this? And suggestions on framework or convo starters for them to understand how serious this is for me?

I don’t want to push but I also want to honor myself and my sexual needs.

My (afab) wife (mtf) ended things a few months ago. She said she doesn’t have romantic feelings for me any more. We still talk a lot, and sometimes we’ll talk about us and I’ll ask if I did something wrong or if I could have done something different and she always says no, that her feelings for me just changed over time. When she came out a few years ago a lot of people told me that it would change our relationship and while I knew that was true I told everyone we still loved each other and that that would never change. Thinking about that makes me feel so stupid now lol. But I don’t regret anything except not trying harder to make her happy, but if what she says is true idk if that would’ve even made a difference. It’s just so hard to come to terms with. I wish I had something tangible to blame for this. Something I could work on or try to fix about myself. I don’t think this is happening because she is trans, but a lot of friends and family think it is a big part of the reason. I know no one else can speak for her but has anyone been through something similar? I just feel so alone rn

I haven't posted here before, I don't think. I'm a long-time lurker. My (43afab) wife (35mtf) left almost two weeks ago. We'd both experienced a lot of trauma over the last year and ended up in a toxic feedback loop of our traumas triggering each other.

And I guess enough was finally enough. We'd been trying to have a baby for the last 6 or so years and we'd more or less given up on the idea, especially since she'd just started hormones. But we'd settled more on no longer trying and accepting any happy accidents.

And then we broke up. And this morning I had the positive test. I had it for all of about 15 minutes before I started bleeding and I've been crying for hours. We're broken up, she doesn't want to talk to me, I can't tell her about it and even if I could it wouldn't do any good. I just keep reaching out for her to share my grief and she isn't there. I was already grieving her leaving and I don't know what to do with all of this loss at once.

UPDATE: Not sure if this is worse or not but I actually stopped bleeding and have a stronger positive. I asked her dad to tell her and that I didn't expect a response. I'm completely gutted.

Bit of a throwaway account cause I don't want my spouse finding this.

My (cis F) spouse (MtF?) has been toying with the idea of being gender fluid, and it's leaning more towards being trans. For me, this would not be a problem since I'm bi, but I'm significantly worried how this will impact my "side of the family" and my personal relationships. I come from an incredibly catholic and way behind in trans views country, there is a chance that some of my close family members and friends will not understand this and create a hostile environment for my partner, I want to be as supportive as possible but my anxiety is through the roof. I have already sacrificed a big chunk of my life to be with my spouse and I don't know if our relationship could survive family conflict. plus I obviously love my partner and want them to be as happy as they can be and I'm worried that if their transition ruins our marriage they will revert and not live their truth.
I don't really know what the point of this post is but maybe to hear from other people who have gone through similar journeys I guess.

Kind of a weird title, but I’ll explain.

Tw for dysphoria

My girlfriend (24mtf) and I (24 cis salmacian 24 f) have been together for 5 1/2 years now. She’s my everything and we’ve been through a lot together. This includes some insecurities we’ve helped each other with. We came out to each other (as trans and lesbian respectively) around a year ago and she got on HRT a few weeks after.

We are both tall and used to dress similarly. We were able to wear each other shoes as we were the same size. She has lost some height and shoe size since starting HRT, which is actually really cool and was an unexpected side effect! I guess it kind of hurts my feelings for some reason when she says things like “I’m so glad I’m getting shorter like a girl” or “I’m so glad I don’t have such big man feet”. We also had an argument over clothes that was honestly rooted in my fear of where we live. In it she said I’m “forcing her to dress like a man” even though it was basically the same outfit I was wearing, and that took me aback a bit. I know these are things she disliked about herself and is saying about herself, but they feel like attacks towards me and hurt my feelings.

I guess it makes me feel like she sees me as a man. I have been made fun of for crap like that in the past just because of my height, so I think it’s just a sore spot for me. I’m sad about the loss of that specific connection we had. It feels gone and like I’m not really allowed to have my feelings about it because it’s her dysphoria and I understand that. It’s just hard. I’m doing my best to be supportive and keep it to myself. The argument about the clothes was the first argument we’ve had in awhile about this stuff and I just don’t know what to do. She used to make me feel like the prettiest girl ever, but now she just makes me feel like I’m doing womanhood wrong. I thought we would do it together.

Overall, I want advice on how to not take these things personally when they’re not about me. And how do I regain my own womanhood?

Hey there So me 27M and my partner 31F live in Dallas Texas and have been feeling stress life living in Texas especially with recent news of what's going on over here.

As a quick note I will say this isn't the only issue contributing to our current situation but it is a major one. We have discussed moving out of the state and I heavily agree with wanting to leave

For my fiancee she told on me Tuesday during an argument how she just felt tired with everything, the laws being or heavily attempted to being passed, the way people treat her around here. She says she feels like she can't breathe with that + living with me and our dog in a 1 bedroom condo.

She told me she has the money to move herself out of here and doesn't know how bring me along since I don't have as much saved up as her. She told me she loves me so much and she started crying while looking at her engagement ring

I proposed to her that I (and the dog) stay with family for a week and not contact her to give her space to think about what she wants to do. And that's what I'm doing now.

I really love her she is my Concha, my wife. I want to keep her in my life and move with her since as a Mexican man I can't stand Texas. I don't know what I'd do without her, she truly is the light of my life.

If there is any advice y'all could give me, I'd really love that. Whether it's positive or not I'd love to hear it. I just want what's best for her, she deserves so much in life.

Sorry if this the wrong place to ask

My spouse and I were together for nearly two decades and have a young teenage child. Several months ago, they disclosed that they are transgender. Everything changed very quickly after that. They began transitioning, we separated, they moved out, and we are now going through a divorce. They have also told me they are dating.
When they first came out to me, I was overwhelmed by what it meant for our marriage, our child, and the life we had built. I pulled away physically and focused on supporting our child, who had no preparation for what was happening.
Looking back, I can see how vulnerable my spouse was in sharing this with me. My fear was real, but I wasn’t able to hold their experience alongside my own. I understand now how my distance may have felt like rejection.
We also struggled with mismatched needs around intimacy. They seemed to need physical closeness to feel connected, while I needed emotional safety first. Neither of us got what we needed, and we grew further apart.
In couples therapy, I focused heavily on co-parenting. At the time, I thought I was trying to get them to step back into their responsibilities because I was exhausted and our child was struggling. I now see that I was also trying to hold onto something familiar as everything else changed.
There were also older wounds in our marriage. Years ago, I went through a traumatic experience and felt unsupported by them. They later acknowledged this, but I kept returning to that hurt in therapy. I am beginning to accept that it may be something I need to grieve rather than resolve.
After the separation, I set a boundary that they could not come into my new home. This was painful for them, but I needed a stable space for myself and our child, and to prove I could manage independently.
I also wasn’t sure they were choosing me as a partner, rather than staying out of fear of starting over. I didn’t want to be someone they stayed with by default.
Recently, things have softened. We’ve had more comfortable conversations, and they’ve been more present with our child. I’m starting to see the person I loved, even though I know we can’t return to the old marriage.
I’ve realized I would like the chance to know them more fully in their new identity, without deciding in advance what our relationship must become. I want to understand their experience during that time and what they needed from me.
I also want to know what kind of relationship they hope for now.
The complication is that they are dating. I don’t know how serious it is, and I don’t want to interfere or cross boundaries. But I also don’t want to stay silent and regret it.
I’ve written them a letter acknowledging all of this. It doesn’t ask them to undo their transition or recreate our former marriage. It says they still matter to me and asks whether there is any mutual interest in exploring a different kind of relationship.
I’m trying to decide what to do next.
Should I give them the letter, or would it place too much pressure on someone who has moved forward? Should I ask about their relationship status first? Is it better to raise this in person, in therapy, or not at all? How do I express openness without undermining the boundaries I’ve established?
Has anyone been through something similar—particularly after a spouse transitioned, separated, began dating, and then the relationship became warmer again? Did you rebuild a friendship, reconcile in a different form, or find that the closeness was part of learning to co-parent?
I’m not looking for reassurance that we will get back together. I’m trying to determine whether honesty is the healthiest next step or whether this is something I need to process privately and let go.

Sorry for the long post.

I'm hoping to get some perspectives from partners who have been through something similar because I genuinely don't know what to think.

For some background, we've known each other for about a year and have been talking every day for the last few months. We were in a long-distance relationship and had spoken about a future together, marriage, children, closing the distance, all of it.

Since a month, my partner (31) is through a major mental health crisis involving their father, lot of suppressed childhood trauma around the family, depression, unemployment, loneliness, having put on weight and being off of ADHD meds (they are back on it now)

Yesterday, they sent me a voice message telling me that they believe they want to go forward in life living as a woman. They also said they want to be seen as a woman and present as a woman.

They explained that the night before, they had reached out to a trans(MtF) friend they hadn't spoken to in a long time. She invited them out for drinks. They got drunk, broke down crying, and she did their makeup. They told me that seeing themselves like that was the first time in a very long time that they felt genuinely happy with how they looked.

I've known them for at least a year, and I never had any indication that this was something they were struggling with or were curious about. They have had many trans friends in their life to guide them, they have done cosplay as well as make up before, and have had many opportunities to privately explore this. From my perspective, it came out of nowhere.

They told me they've discussed this with their therapist, who encouraged them to explore it, although I don't know for how long they've been talking about it or exploring these feelings before telling me.

I didn't react to it or try to argue them out of it. Instead, I asked questions because I genuinely wanted to understand before I said anything.

I only asked:

"What does that mean to you?"

"Can you be more specific?"

Their answers focused on things like wanting to wear makeup, wear feminine clothes, feel pretty, rejecting masculinity, that they were raised by a single mother and wanting to be seen as a woman.

The part I'm struggling with is that I still don't understand what "I am a woman" or "I want to live as a woman" means to them beyond those things. I'm not asking because I'm trying to invalidate them. I'm asking because I'm trying to understand the person I love.

Just after the second question they started talking to me in a very mean and rude way, about how they don't care what I think of this. I came away feeling like simply asking for understanding made me seem unsupportive, even though my intention was the opposite.

I'm from a very reserved country. I have had exposure to this only via movies.

I'm a straight woman. I care about them deeply, but I fell in love with my boyfriend, and I'm struggling with the feeling that the future we'd been building changed overnight.

What I'm hoping to understand from people who've lived through this is:

Did you also feel completely blindsided?

Did your partner initially struggle to explain what this meant to them?

Is it normal to still have so many unanswered questions at this stage?

Looking back, were there things you misunderstood in those first conversations?

I'm trying very hard to approach this with kindness while also being honest about my own grief. I would really appreciate hearing from people who've been in a similar position.