u/Commercial-Sundae663

I need to vent. My partner is AMAB and has not decided on pronouns so I will be using he/him pronouns.
Extra context: We're both bisexual and started the relationship with BDSM/Female-Led dynamics.

We've been together for about 16 months. He had the realization that he falls under the genderqueer umbrella about 2 months ago. I love him, I'm very supportive, but it's also a huge change that came out of left field. He still lives with his parents so he's hesitant to make any changes regarding his appearance. Not that they would pose a threat, but they'll ask him questions and he doesn't want to answer them. Questions such as "why are you growing out your hair now? is your girlfriend making you grow out your hair? I've always liked your hair short," etc. He's stressing about fielding questions about growing out his hair but wants to talk to me about possibly taking hormones. Like, he has crippling anxiety and thinks it's tacky to tell his therapist he needs medication for that and depression, but is bringing up taking hormones (he started going to the therapist for anxiety and depression).

I'm not saying that they wouldn't help with his mental health but it feels very unserious and serious at the same time. I know it's not about me and my feelings right now, but also, how is this going to affect our future? I still want to be with him; we share brain cells, interests, values, etc. We feel safe with each other, which is very important to me. But I had a vision, and now it's changing in unpredictable ways. And I'm trying to take it one day at a time; I went with him to a trans support group to be social lubricant because he's afraid to talk to the other people. I suggested he go to my wax lady to get waxed but he doesn't want to because of questions, as well as the fact that he has panic attacks when I wax him (granted, I wax his groin but imo legs are worse). I sent him inspo pics for nonbinary outfits and offered to buy him plain T-shirts in different colors, but he doesn't want to deviate from his norm. He did ask me to do his makeup, which I did, but it was tied into BDSM which I feel a little weird about now (we did do feminization in our play but in light of recent events, i know a deeper conversation needs to be had to see where he is on the matter. i know some people use it therapeutically but we haven't talked about it like that).

I know it's not my life and I don't expect him to go on my timeline, but hormones are just not something I'm ready to think about yet.

Title

This is my first managerial role and I've been in it for about 9 months. My relationship with my boss was fine until the start of this year. Now it feels like she has it out for me. At first she was hyperfixated on my clothes. It's a little more than business casual. I wear a blouse, black dress pants, and black nonskid shoes (it's a kitchen). She said my black non-slip Sketchers looked too much like sneakers but the other manager is literally wearing nike. Then it was my pants looked like yoga pants (they did not, they're just slim fit, which another manager regularly wears).

A few weeks ago I missed a call from her and messaged her on teams the next day. She said that it was important but only called once and didn't bother to come and find me or even mention it when i saw her that morning. I told her I was working with the team until a certain time and she asked me if it was work related. The reason she called was to tell me I would need to help the team since they were short staffed...which I was already doing. She then said I needed to keep my door or blinds open. I told her I keep them closed because there's construction going on right next to my office and a lot of foot traffic since I'm in between 3 entry points (I didn't say this but she doesn't keep her door or blinds open and her office is a lot more secluded compared to mine). I have a sign on my door letting people know when i'm in and if im not in I'm probably in the kitchen.  She also told me that I need to be more present on the line but could not give an example of when I wasn't, because I'm out there more than any of the other managers and I've gotten a lot of positive feedback from them.

I don't want to make this too long but some more recent things is being excluded. We had a special event  and I wasn't told about it until the week before. The day comes and the kitchen is short staffed and I asked if I should ask our regional director to approve overtime (since he was there for the event) for someone and she said since im here I can just stay inside and help. I literally had to switch off days to come to this mandatory event. We had an inspection and I kept getting shooed away from the inspector. And then I see all the other managers, the boss in question, and the inspector sitting in an office talking.

I've been documenting these things-also the employees have come to me specifically because they can't trust the boss and one other manager, one of them literally told me today she didn't feel comfortable talking to the other manager about her day off request-among other things. I was hired by the regional director and we had a talk a few months ago where he admitted that when he hired me they didn't have an actual plan for what to do with me (I was hired because I have a specialized degree) and said don't worry about my boss or my job, that I'm not leaving unless I want to go. And while that's great to hear idk. I'm not the only one she's awful to, she treats a lot of the staff poorly and this has been going on for nearly a decade.

I'm planning to do more documentation but what do I do with it when I'm ready? Do I try to talk it out with her first (not mention the documentation)? Do I take it to my regional director? Do I take it to HR?

I feel like this might be a dumb question but what do I have to lose.

My work schedule changed so I'm working from 11-7. My partner and I live with our respective parents so doing things at home is very time sensitive. We used to be able to do scenes at my house on certain days but since I come home so late there's less time between then and when my parents get home so we end up prioritizing other things.

I am a member of a local dungeon but he's not comfortable in public spaces so that's not an option rn.

We do have daily rituals and I do get to torture him sometimes during our movie dates but I miss being able to take my time and savor it.

Does anyone have any tips or ideas on how to make time for dedicated play?