u/sourcandynika

My girlfriend is a trans woman who hasn’t transitioned yet, she is planning on starting soon, but lately she’s been very depressed and demotivated, after all the talks we’ve had where i would propose solutions or try to help in the way i thought can help, she has opened up to me about a lot of things.
When i would tell her to go to therapy again, she’d explain to me that it’s not about how she feels about herself, but about how the world treats trans people and the society, so therefore therapy wont help with a problem that is not internal. When i would tell her that it would at least help her with managing her own emotions and that would give her more space to move towards transitioning, she would deny it too.
She really struggles with body dysphoria, and I know I can’t do much except for words of encouragement and praise. But she doesn’t seem to believe me, we even had a fight where she was convinced I was lying to her face, when I was being honest and just telling her how i see her…After this talks she always says that she feels worse because it makes her feel like nothing can be done to make it better.
One of the things i struggle with the most is her want to be 100% okay, 100% a girl, 100% happy or other way it’s not worth all the struggle, and she is convinced that its not possible. The thing is, I am not doing exceptionally well with my mental health either, and lately my life has been a mess, I’ve made peace with not being 100% okay a long time ago, im just trying to make something out of every day and keep going.
But what do i say to her? How or what do I even explain to her in that situation?
As well as that she has been opened about having suicidal thoughts and im really trying to help her, but when she talks about them i am not pushing her or stop her from talking about them. I know they are there and keeping them a secret wont help. But at the same time, I can’t find a way to help her.
Almost every time, especially after talking about her body, when i try to make it better, she tells me she feels terrible or that talking about it only makes it worse and that’s where the talk ends. And it makes me feel horrible, I feel like a bad girlfriend for not even being able to help her….TBH i struggle with any kind of social interaction, especially when it involves someone else’s feeling, I’m scared to mess up, or tell her something that will make her feel worse.
So any advice would be much much appreciated!

Me and my girlfriend have been together for a while now, she came out to me before we started dating. She hasn’t transitioned yet because of her family and other circumstances. However soon she’s moving out and the circumstances are changing.
She used to struggle (and still does) with body dysphoria, but sometimes it seemed to get better (mostly when she used subtle ways to appear more passing), lately it doesn’t help and she’s very dysphoric all the time.
Other than that she confessed to me that she doesn’t see her future and is convinced that she’s not gonna last very long here.
Now when i try to support her and talk about transitioning she seems rather reluctant, explaining to me than the further she goes with the transition, the more things she can’t change she’ll notice and therefore she can’t be happy with her transition.
There are also other problems such as difficulties to get HRT in our country, the reaction of the society and her family etc.
When i suggested starting with therapy she told me that her problems are real, and that’s why therapy won’t help. Also she told me that probably nothing i could think of she didn’t think about before. She told me that she’s tired of pretending that everything is gonna be fine when it won’t be and she doesn’t have the means to go on, because she doesn’t see her future.
I understand that this is not an easy process and me as a cis person could never fully understand all the feelings a person goes through when transitioning, but i am more then willing to help and i just can’t find any way. I’m really scared to lose her. How do I help without hurting her or betraying her trust to open up to me?