Too stressed to go to my father's 90th
Hello. I hope this post is allowed here as I think this group can help more than others.
My sister has BPD, other 2 siblings major alcoholics, mother with dementia and father at the core of my lifelong intimacy and trust issues.
I'm expected at my father's 90th birthday which requires flying 4000km and putting my cat in the cattery. It's 3 weeks away and already my anxiety is through the roof.
I don't want to go.
I realise this might be the last time I see one or both parents, which would be a shame, but I have been thrust into complete overwhelm as the occasion nears.
I haven't lived in the same state as them since age 22. I have promised myself that when my parents die I will go completely NC with my siblings... in order to finally have a life without abuse.
I speak on the phone to my parents nearly every day, and while most calls trigger me, it's manageable.
But, this time, this particular visit is traumatising me.
I can't tell the truth. How could I tell two 90 year old parents that are in complete denial that the prospect of spending time with them and their other children is so terrifying to me that I'm not coming to this significant occasion?
I need a full proof and plausible excuse.
It's pathetic...I'm a grown adult. But, you know, my boundaries have never been respected and I've always been the scapegoat. Living interstate or overseas was my coping strategy.
Thanks for your advice beforehand.