r/BPDFamily

My BPD sister moved back with us after breaking up with her boyfriend and so far it has been miserable being with her. I understand it's outside of her control, but man, sometimes she really is insufferable. Doesn't want to go to therapy either, says every therapist is crazy.
Having that in mind, I was hoping you guys had some books/articles recommendations for dealing with a family member with BPD.
Thanks!

My sibling has started upon the evil texts tonight. Disinviting me from their upcoming graduation, saying I’m a bad person (no specified reasons). I predict a big outburst of abuse tomorrow. I’m telling myself I will disengage completely and not respond. But I’m terrified. What do you do when the storm is headed your way?

You know, I have zero issue with someone having mental health issues. I went through some pretty trying times myself and am forever grateful for those who helped, and dealt with my issues despite it being a lot. The thing that irritates me so much with the my BPD family member in my life is that they suck up all everyones good will, help and energy and then completely crap on it after using it all up.

My swBPD has once again duped our parents into believing some shoddy story about how they needs a ton of money, and of course my parents gave it out.. They claimed they owed someone and if they didn't get it to the person then they were going to get sued and potentially put their home in foreclosure. Even went as far as to throw in that the person in question may resort to "violence" to get it back.

Now suddenly my sibling is able to buy a lot of new expensive items. A bunch of new clothes, makeup and is talking about going on a vacation. Not even trying to hide any of it, just blatantly obvious the money was all for themselves.

And obviously this was no small sum of money.. Almost $10,000 of which our parents don't really have. They are getting up in age and they are constantly siphoning off anything they can. It's coming out of their retirement funds and other savings at this point. Zero concern if they have enough for their needs or god forbid one gets sick and needs extra funds.

I don't know what to do anymore. The strain and stress that is being put on everyone is far too much to handle. It's so disturbing and cruel. Everything is about them. It never ends.

Just wondering how others have gone LC or NC with the pwBPD. Did you do so gradually or just flat-out all at once? Did you announce it to them beforehand in some way and give your reason(s) why or did you just stop responding to them period?

My eldest brother (aged 40) lives above me (aged 34) and has struggled with BPD for a long time. I don't think that any of his behaviour is particularly unusual for someone with BPD, but I think the cumulative effect it is having on me is finally taking its toll. I am sure he is neurodivergant and probably displays traits of narcissistic personality disorder.

I've lived in this property for just under 10 years now. I don't remember what my brother was like as a neighbour to begin with, but since Covid there has been a steady (if irregular) stream of abuse, including:

- throwing glass bottles into the garden

- hiding a vehicle we shared use of and putting a steering lock on it

- running a washing machine in the middle of the night (as my brother's kitchen is above my bedroom)

- playing music so loudly it would reach over 30 dB in my flat

- opening my and my ex-partner's post

- hurling rubbish down his stairs (into a small communal area by my front door)

This is in addition to numerous verbally abusive emails and messages he has sent in the course of the past six years, as well as the regular bouts of shouting and screaming I can hear beneath him (a lot of which is directed at my dad).

I feel that my mother, father and I are trapped by my brother's cycle of abuse. He will be calm for a while and amenable (to a degree), but something will set him off. He will invariably threaten to kill himself - I've lost track of the countless hours of paramedics' time that we've doubtlessly wasted by calling emergency services, only for my brother to state that he isn't actually suicidal. My dad (who is 77) will do everything he can to try to placate and calm my brother, and in doing so pressurises me not to try to set reasonable boundaries (which I believe would include trying to raise a non-molestation order at this point). This included my dad sweeping the drive on Sunday night on my brother's behalf! I wish my dad would see himself as the victim of abuse that he is, and take steps to protect himself.

I am aware that my brother is apparently in therapy, but I'm so tired of this situation never changing. He almost never takes accountability for his behaviour, and when he's stable he acts almost like his outbursts have never happened. I recently ended up having a panic attack after my brother stated that I couldn't reorganise some pictures in my flat (due to the noise it would cause him), despite giving him close to a fortnight's notice. I think he woke me up at about 04:00 this morning and I've had a knot in my chest since.

I am conscious that I am incredibly privileged to live in the flat I'm in, but I think I have finally reconciled myself to the idea that I will never be fully relaxed living under my brother. There was a brief suggestion that he would move at some point this year (as he does not actually own his flat), but I think it will be necessary for me to leave instead. However, I then worry about who would ever move into my flat - it is the ground floor of an Edwardian terrace that most likely needs rewiring, replumbing and replastering (as well as soundproofing). Who could survive the noise and angst my brother would cause them while they did all that work? I really feel trapped.

As mentioned at the start of this post I am sure that none of my brother's behaviour is exactly atypical for someone with BPD, but in many ways I don't understand how he can continue to go on like this.

My 32 year old sister was diagnosed with BPD few years ago, shortly after experiencing health related trauma. We've been walking on eggshells around her ever since.

She made the decision to get married to a man she barely met, and decided to have a baby immediately. ​​He also suffered with BPD and tragically took his own life because she was horrible to him. ​She will now be raising her child alone with my mom's support.

She cannot keep a relationship with anybody. She can't keep a job. She spends her entire paycheck ​​​​immediately. She lacks critical thinking. She stonewalls when we try to have discussions with her regarding finance. ​​​She is mentally a 15 year old.

I am not sure how she is going to raise a child. My worry is for the baby, and mostly for my mom who will be putting the burden on herself. My mom is undergoing cancer treatment and does not have the strength for this. ​I just hate that my sister made this reckless decision to get married only to abuse her husband, and get pregnant so now we all have to deal with it.

Although not officially diagnosed I am certain my oldest (19) has had bpd.

She is the sweetest but yet evilest person I know. It really started to become apparent in early adolescence. She has no other family but me, she has ruined all other relationships or made others out to be villains and disassociated herself.

I have no real control over her, or should I say gave up years ago. I tried so hard for so long. She did therapy up until she began refusing to go around 15. I tried to enforce rules, discipline I really did but the episodes that followed any attempt to parent on my part just increased in intensity.

Tired I quit, I decided to back off and let go tired of being hurt. I slowly gave in to letting her basically do as she pleases and spoiling her just to keep the peace and my sanity. But these episodes they still happen but now its worse. I am scared of her. I walk on eggshells every day. I no longer feel emotionally connected like a mother should to her child. One day im the best mother ever, the next im the scum of the earth. She's lied on me to people, she exaggerates, manipulates. For example she fabricated a story about being sexually assaulted and told her therapist that I told her to toughen up it's a part of life and refused to help her. That is the kind of vile stuff I've had to endure.

It's so screwed up bc no matter what, I love her deeply and want to protect her. I want to protect her from not just the world but herself. However it is ruining me.

This last episode she was arguing with her girlfriend basically all day. I stayed out of it, but later I hear things breaking. She is throwing stuff in a rage. At this point I have to intervene. I say I will not tolerate this in my house, this instantly made me the new target. Hateful things spewed while she is getting violet towards me but was restrained only hitting me once. I decided that's it and I've told her she must move out. I"m done I can't keep living like this. My younger daughter doesn't even want to be here because of her.

She has the money and means to get her own place. She has a good job I helped her get. Plenty of money saved, along with the car I gave her.

I know she'll be apologizing soon and laying it on thick. Telling me I didn't deserve for her to do that but she was in a bad place and took it out on me, how im all she's got blah, blah, blah.

I've cried most all day. Part of me wishes she wasn't restrained, let her have at me. Let her see the damage she's done on my face the next day.

I work hard, I love hard, I'm a good person and I know I'm a good mom but somehow the child I love more than anything has slowly destroyed me. I'm depressed, I lack confidence, I am starting to hate myself.

This has to end. I pray she moves out soon and I don't cave. I want to help her, but to do that I think I have to stop helping her if that makes sense. I feel like I need to stop being the dutiful always there for her mom. But then I get so scared of how she will deal with losing my support. I fear she may hurt herself. I feel so lost.

One family member is diagnosed pwBPD, identifies with quiet BPD. Another has very similar behaviors. I cut contact with both but reinitiated contact out of concern for a third family member. Third seemed depressed and I felt very guilty for not having family gatherings anymore. After just a few texts w pwBPD I am so anxious, CPTSD is back full force. It was a mistake to ever reach out at all. What is the cleanest way to go back to NC or at least feel less awful VLC? I thought I could deal w them but I just can't any advice would be really really appreciated.

Essentially, the two family members frequently triangulated me for not having a relationship w the other. They were not pleased w me pointing this out. I have always been the odd one out. The two have always gotten along very well.

When I reached out, pwBPD basically said they'd let me know if I had permission to go to upcoming family gathering. At this point I obviously realized my mistake and I need to exit this dynamic. Thank you in advance for any advice

BPD sister showed up again at the family house a couple of days ago, driven by her ex boyfriend.

The past few months have been blissfully peaceful, save for a couple of guilt-trip attempts by her flying monkey friends, two of whom laid in wait and ambushed me in driveway when I came home one evening. The other sent a flurry of urgent!!! texts and calls, insisting I call her or BPD sister immediately and that she was afraid BPD sister was “dying.” I ignored the calls/texts and did my best to not say much to the two women who ambushed me in the driveway.

In that time, I’ve not only been dealing with some pretty big repair issues around the family home, but also trying to get with an attorney about attempting a buyout when the other party (BPD sister) is hostile and unbending. Like everything else, nothing is easy and progress has been excruciatingly slow. I’ve also continued to look elsewhere, even though I’d much prefer to buy out the family home, and have come up with zilch.

Anyway, the other day, I was in the bathroom when I heard the doorbell and, before I could even make my way to the door, she was unlocking it and trying to come in. I had the chain up and the alarm set, so of course it went off when she tried to come in.

This is standard for her when she makes these unannounced visits. No notice and then no time given for someone to walk to the door before she starts barging in or trying to. And on the occasions when she has gotten in and I’m not there, she has gone into my bedroom and bathroom and snooped around, has gone through my personal things in there and elsewhere in the house.

I’ve been told before that since she is technically half owner of the family home, I cannot prevent her from coming in here whenever she wants, but that doesn’t sit right. And she has thus far refused to sell me her half despite already having er own, much nicer home and has been quite nasty about it, subjecting me to so much verbal and emotional abuse and harassment, not to mention the unannounced visits and invasions of my personal space and privacy.

Once inside the other day, she began lamenting her present condition, saying she was quite ill, “really scared” and wanted to stay at the family house and can’t be alone. Needs someone to take care of her, etc. Is claiming to have an incurable fungal infection. Started pleading, saying she would pay me, give me her house, etc., etc. Just really weird, over the top things.

I told her that that’s not possible right now, as the HVAC system is completely dead and needs to be replaced, which is all true, but I don’t want her staying here anyway. She complained that couldn’t I call someone to come out today to fix it and I said no, it’s not fixable and needs to be completely replaced, which takes longer to schedule and complete, as it’s much more involved than a simple repair.

She then goes on to say the doctors “can’t fix” whatever it is she supposedly has, and that they’ve told her they “hope she has a good support system.” Says it could be related to diabetes, she could have gotten it from the nail salon, from her shoes, etc. Just all over the place and the details were vague. When I would press for more information, she would not really say anything substantive.

My dog was going bananas at that point and was barking so loudly that it was hard to hear. I couldn’t get him to stop and wanted her to leave anyway, so I suggested we go outside and sit in the boyfriend’s car to talk. She balked at that, claiming she didn’t want the neighbors to see her the way she looks now, which made no sense, as she didn’t have any concern about that when walking up to the door after they arrived.

I should mention she does appear to have lost some weight and her hair was flat and straggly with dark roots grown out about five inches or so, which is unlike her, as she always has it colored and styled. She also was not wearing makeup other than lipstick and looked fairly bedraggled.

Once inside his car, she again began lamenting her condition, saying her feet hurt so much that she cannot walk well, says she can no longer wear any shoes except her jogging shoes. Claimed she can no longer drive and needs someone to drive her. Said he can’t wash her hair anymore because of breakage. It was a litany of health woes/symptoms and again, when I pressed for more details, she did not provide much if any. Was rather vague.

When I asked what kind of fungus or what it was called, she really did not say. When I asked what medication the doctors had prescribed, she said something unintelligible and then said she is supposed to take diflucan once a week, but that it is not working.

I suggested that if it were diabetes-related, then she should be seeing an endocrinologist and to get a referral to one from her other doctor. I said diabetes is manageable, but she never definitively said that was the cause of her supposed issues. Rebuffed the suggestion that she should be seeing an endocrinologist and again brought up the “support system“ comment that some doctor allegedly made.

She also claimed to have been to 35 doctor appointments in the past couple of months and said that they can’t do anything for her. Rebuffed any and all suggestions of seeing a different doctor or that whatever this mystery condition is could be treated.

The ex boyfriend at one point turned to me and said my sister has been living with him for the past eight months and that he “really thinks this needs a woman’s care” or some such nonsense, and then said that he is just a friend at this point and something about if it didn’t work out with her staying here, then in the future he could help pitch in sometimes or something. I took that to mean he is tired of babysitting her and wants to dump her on me so she’s no longer his problem. And I doubt seriously he would “pitch in” once he was rid of her.

Several times while I sat in the car with them, the ex got short with BPD sister, as if exasperated by her, which makes me question the severity of her supposed illness.

BPD sister then complained at him that he had gone out the night before and was gone for however long and that he was going out again that night and leaving her alone at his house. To which he snapped that it was only for an hour and a half and that he does have a social life and friends to see.

The boyfriend also suggested to her that she needs to seek the care of a psychiatrist, to which she whined that she already had seen two people (therapists?) and that they didn’t help or couldn’t do anything. To which the boyfriend then replied that it’s an ongoing process and not something that can be solved in one or two visits. 

I took that to mean she may have gone to a psychiatrist or two once, if she actually went at all,  and is unwilling to go on a continuous basis as is needed. Or, perhaps if she went, was told something she didn’t like and therefore left. I really don’t know.

BPD sister then kept asking or trying to find reasons to go back in the house, asking me at one point to make her something to eat, claiming the boyfriend didn’t have any food at his house. To which he snapped that there was a fridge full of stuff and started rattling off all of the different things they had to eat at his house.

She then began lavishing praise on my cooking, which came off so odd, out of left field and insincere, and I could tell the ex boyfriend was getting annoyed and anxious to go.

I told her I didn’t have a ton of food, as I don’t want to heat up the house by cooking since it’s hot outside and the HVAC system isn’t working. She kept whining about food, to which I then said I could go grab her a yogurt or something and she at first rebuffed that suggestion.

I also said the boyfriend could order whatever she liked from any number of supermarkets and have it delivered. Or they could go to any number of restaurants and get a sandwich or something. And again she rebuffed those suggestions, claiming the boyfriend “didn’t know how” to order stuff for delivery, which is utter bullshit. Any idiot can order something online for delivery. It’s not rocket science.

She then began making other bizarre requests, asking me if I had any clothes she could have, claiming none of hers fit anymore and that she “doesn’t have any” at the boyfriend’s house. And claims that the ceilings at her house are caving in and there’s mold everywhere. Again, utter bullshit. She has closets full of clothes — much more than I have or have ever had — and her house, unlike the family house, is in pristine condition.

There are no caved-in ceilings or mold there. And there’s no way she does not have clothes at the boyfriend’s house if she’s really been staying with him for eight months.

I replied to that one by saying I am a “beached whale” compared to her and that my clothes absolutely would not fit her, which is all true. I am a good two or two and a half inches taller and at least 30 pounds heavier, maybe more.

She then asked if I had any pajamas she could have and I said no and that I only wear old tshirts and shorts for pajamas. She just kept on with these odd requests.

I finally went inside grabbed a yogurt, some fruit and a piece of frozen leftover casserole and brought it out to her just to get her to quiet down and hopefully leave, but I shouldn’t even have done that.

She rolled down the window and started pulling a $20 bill out of her wallet to pay me, which I refused, and then she began lavishing praise on my hair, saying how great it looked, etc., etc., which again came off as really odd and insincere. Is the same hair she once told me stunk when she was trying to insult and provoke me.

Then asked for a hug in a pitiful voice, which I also refused. Very odd and insincere, as well. A hug after everything she’s said and done to me, particularly these past few years? I don’t think so. We’ve never

At that point, the ex boyfriend was really getting exasperated with he and said they needed to leave and drove off. A short time later, she texted to thank me for the food and then began lavishing praise again, saying how “pretty” I looked and how I looked exactly like our mom (I don’t). To me, it felt like love-bombing BS and it made me feel gross.

I'm the eldest, my sister is 3 years younger than me and diagnosed with BPD, medicated but not in therapy currently, and we have a younger brother who recently got married and just had a baby.

Now that me and brother both have kids my sister took it very badly. She refuses to talk to any of us and acting out badly. I think it's hard for her to show joy when she's deep in her existential crisis about babies and kids and families.

We are all survivors of a very bad childhood, our abusive dad died just a few months ago, we are finally orphans, we only have each other, because there's not much family left.

My brother invited us to a party to celebrate the birth if his first son, but she refuses to come (which is reasonable) and refuses to tell him she's not coming and why (which is a bit offensive). I told her I think she should at least talk to him about it, but acknowledging something she is doing may not be 100% amazing automatically counts as critisism, and now im completely blocked too.

On the one hand she keep acting out and waiting for me to judge her, she uses it to fuel her own issues with herself, on the other hand, when I refuse to criticise her, she's acting out even more. This time I said grey things like "you should talk to your brother" and she found a way to milk it as a judgement even though its not.

Im tired of these games, of walking on eggshells and never having just a normal conversation with her, of her needing reassurance like a kid, but twisting it in a hurtful way somehow.

My brother just needs a family right now, he shouldnt have to deal with a grown woman throwing him away for her issues while he's in the newborn trenches. She'll hurt him badly and im not sure what to do.

I feel exhausted and hurt and confused on how to handle this.

Hi all

Never posted here before, tried to a few days back but I assume it was refused.

For those who are/have had to walk away from a BPD loved one, give me your playlist that helps you

Whether its to grieve, to express/feel the pain while not being able to turn off loving them etc.

Im in the midst of forcing them to leave because she's killing me. I, and everyone else, have done everything they possibly can for her, the next steps she has to take herself (therapy, doing the workl).

I dont know how to explain my situation without writing a novel.

The short form, I am 46F widowed no bio-kids. I stepped in to help her (now 28F) who was going through major trauma, NC with her actual family due to the abuse that caused the BPD.

In the beginning, she desperately wanted and needed the mentor, the parent who cared and wouldnt push her away, who would teach her.

I am a former medical professional so Im the one who got her diagnosed, medicated for multiple conditions etc.

When she first moved in with me, she had just ended a "relationship" with a fiancé who was a decade older and had been grooming her since she was 14.

Initially, we were just part of the same hobby, and she was learning that she could have boundaries, didnt have to use the cutesy anime voice and outfits to fit what others wanted her to be.

I took this on knowingly, to help her, and put rebuilding my own life on hold.

The last 18 months has been hell. She fucks around with her meds (ie doesnt take them everyday like she should, which as many of you know makes things worse), she KNOWS and does it anyway. She is not uneducated because she has a personal fecking nurse in me.

I dont have the easy words to explain how abusive she has become, even while I still trying to help her.

6 weeks ago I finally told her she has to leave. Everyday is horrific. The accusations and narratives that she is telling herself about me I cant even fathom. Its far beyond being able to talk rationally and get her to see the problem

She has "friends" who haven't been here to pick up the pieces of her life for the last 4 yrs, but she is telling them a sob story like I am just the next monster in her life, and of course they back her up because its only her narrative they are hearing.

I am on the verge of a breakdown because I have been begging her for months to communicate, do SOMETHING, I just cant even explain how nasty it is now.

She won't even make sure her "service dog" has food and clean water. The only reason he is still here is because I am the breeder and trainer and I have cared for him

But at almost 4 yrs old, if she cant get it through her head that he is always priority, that she takes are of her eating and bathroom.

She struck out physically for the first time back in October and I had to pin her to the ground.

Hasn't happened again, but its there.

I am literally going bald from the stress, I lose handfuls of hair every time I try to shower or even put it in a ponytail.

I am someone who has my own chronic health issue and major problems of my own, but Im still carrying this person, I have fixed all of the problems caused by people who too advantage (leased a brand new car, with NO LICENSE for them to drive and similar issues).

Im sure many of you know what im dealing with.

Please give me the songs that help you.

The song Hate Me by Blue October is impactful. But everything I try to look up talks about intimate partner type relationships, not parental role etc.

Im rambling, hopefully this is allowed. If not I apologize.

My older sister (both of us are mid-40s) and I haven't spoken in a year. We had a very close relationship basically our entire adult lives, while she burned down every other meaningful relationship in her life. I was the constant throughout, her favorite person. I have two young kids, she has no kids. We live in different states, about a day's drive or short flight away

She blew up our relationship over a year ago because she didn't like that I advised her that she shouldn't pursue a toxic and predatory relationship with a married guy in her life. We had the kind of relationship where we could tell each other the truth, or so I thought, so it didn't feel like an over step. But it was and she gave me the silent treatment for months. I reached out at some point to make peace and she texted me really brutal and hateful screeds accusing me of being a terrible person, brother, and father to my kids. It was really nasty. I kept asking to talk on the phone, but she refused and the texting chain devolved from there. I never resorted to swearing at her or accusing her of anything, I did my best to practice non violent communication, and expressed how she needs some accountability for how she talks to me, and the silent treatment isn't the answer. Then she insinuated my texts were gonna send her into a suicidal state so I backed off

That's all about a year ago. It gnaws at me that my kids don't have a relationship with her, she was always so good with them and they love her. My wife and I have done our best to explain it to them without villainizing her, and they have basically stopped asking about her at this point. Which is somehow more sad

I woke up wondering if there's any way to reach out to my sister to form a relationship where at least she can talk with my kids on the phone, or have her see them when we're in her area (which we sometimes travel to)

I had a thought to offer to call and let her say her peace for ten minutes, then let me talk for ten minutes, then see where we can go from there. Typing that out it seems like a bad idea. It's hard to forget the vile she texted me when she burned me down, but I can also remember decades of great conversation with a bright, smart, loving older sister.

Is that all gone now? I'm surprisingly at peace never having a good relationship with her again, but it feels rotten to not try to reconnect for the sake of my kids.

I recently cut off my sibling after decades of abuse (physical and verbal), and my parents are incredibly sad about it.

I love my parents, but their advice for me is always "just let it go, the past is in the past" when really a lot of her abuse was super recent and the wounds are still fresh.

It's so frustrating and I feel so gaslit by everyone. I'm frustrated at my sibling for think that SHE is the one that cut ME off because I'M the abusive one. And I'm frustrated at my parents for minimizing the whole thing. I'm frustrated at my friends for saying "but she's your sister, you love her!"

How do I navigate this?

Has any other so-called “favorite person” here been the target of major guilt-tripping by the pwBPD and have they actually made themselves physically ill when you’ve gone LC/NC? Have you been put in the position of them wanting you to be their full-time caretaker because of their supposed physical illness and acting as though all of the abuse they’ve heaped upon you never happened or should just be magically forgiven and forgotten?

BPD sister has escalated things and is doing something kind of like what I have just described. She is putting me in a very bad position and I don’t know what to do. Have called the attorney’s office this morning, but have yet to hear back from them.

I posted recently about my cousin (my mom’s niece) who has diagnosed BPD.

But now I’m here about my mom.

I am 30, my parents had me at 17/18.

When I was 15, after a few years of hell, I finally started looking into things, and started to suspect my mom had some sort of personality disorder. At the time, NPD and BPD seemed to overlap. I have tried to get my mom to go talk to a professional, but of course she won’t.

I stopped perusing any knowledge of BPD because it seemed useless and it just made me feel more and more helpless.

I am beyond exhausted. My mom’s behaviors have escalated over the last 17 or so years.

It started out very subtle throughout my life and by the time I was 14/15, it was getting really bad.

My mom and aunt had a very traumatic childhood, with both parents in addiction,

And my mom also has dealt with addiction for many years. Whether alcohol, pills, weed.

I don’t even know where to start but my mom has been raging out for years, yelling, throwing, breaking things, lying, she will say the most vile things I’ve ever heard in my life.

She constantly accuses my dad of things that are simply not true,

She thinks she can read people’s minds, and she genuinely believes her delusions.

A lot of times she simply doesn’t make any logical sense when she gets in her “modes”.

Nothing is good enough for her. She s never worked. I’m an only child. She demands my dad pay all her bills. She’s hateful. She never takes accountability. Im serious, NEVER. And I’m saying this as someone who is careful with using absolutes.

She blames everyone else for her problems even when it makes no sense. She has always gaslit me, started arguments for no reason then tried to flip it on me like I was the problem.

I have gone no contact with her, and I still talk to my dad because he is not like her at all. She blames my dad for me going no contact, as if he turned me against her. But I have told her many times before that she is the reason I don’t talk to her. It’s been this way for YEARS, before my dad even realized the way she acts isn’t normal! I clocked it years ago!

But it is hard when my dad doesn’t really leave.

But he is more and more at the point where he cannot live this way. He doesn’t want to live the lifestyle she lives. He now knows she is mentally unstable.

I think he doesn’t leave because it’s all he’s known. He’s been with her since they were 15.

I guess the point of this is I want to understand more about BPD, but without her actually getting diagnosed, I’m obviously not sure if she even has BPD.

Does anyone have a similar experience? Where can I read more about BPD? Does this sound like BPD traits?

has anyone divorced their BPD husband because he made their DMDD child worse? my son learned to call me a bitch from his dad. it doesn’t happen often but obviously it’s been often enough to stick. my 7 year old has DMDD and is very similar to my husband. incredibly irritable, hair trigger temper, angry for no reason. takes every interaction negatively. no therapies help either of them and medication doesn’t do much. my husband is an asshole and a bad example. I want to divorce him but he isn’t stable enough to have the kids on his own. I live it a state that loves to give at least 50/50, if not primary to dads. I’m worried they won’t take his diagnosis and my many examples seriously.

has anyone divorced a spouse to distance the mentally ill parent from the mentally ill child? did it help? did it make things worse? I’ve already been through the custody system with my ex and I suspect he was also some type of cluster B and it was hell. my husband is diagnosed professionally.