r/BPDFamily

My (26M) sister (30F) destroyed our family. Her symptoms started to show up in early teens. it started with just mood swings and occasionally ditching class. Eventually, it escalated: suicide attempts, self-harm, drug & alcohol abuse, drunk driving, rage, physical and verbal abuse, and the list goes on.

My parents were divorced when we were much younger. My dad took the role as the primary support provider, and my mom couldn't handle my sister emotionally, so she did the best she could by supporting from afar. I watched as my dad tried relentlessly to "save" her, giving emotional comfort, financial support, and attempted solutions well into her 20s. The constant effort with no "results" broke him. I can't remember the last time I saw him smile, and he's a shell of who he used to be.

I have dealt with my own mental health struggles, so a part of me is sympathetic to her situation. Another part of me, the part that was neglected during formative years because my parents were occupied with my sister, is furious that I was robbed of a healthy, stable childhood. It's difficult to reconcile the two feelings. Many (most, probably) of my friends have families that are still intact, and often I feel like I cannot relate to the lightness that they approach life with.

I am so glad this inconsiderate piece of human waste is being transferred to a housing facility for the high functioning mentally ill. But I swear to God, this transfer cant happen fast enough. You think a 16 year old girl in the middle of puberty is bad? Try living with a 16 year old girl in the middle of puberty who has a case of the BPD as well as a case of the *"My boyfriend (who is in prison and too old to be hanging out with 16 year olds like that) thinks Im mature for my age, so I will do drugs, sneak out at night, stay outside for days without a way you knowing where I am and only come back once my friend's parents have enough of housing me, steal your money, your cigars, your wine, then play music so loud it should get a noise complaint, and none of yall can stop me because if you try, Ill throw around chairs, pans and whatever is close, threaten yall even at knife point and hit you, I'll even call the police on you and claim y'all are abusive, because \*I\* am a minor and yall are behaving like literal demons!!"* Mind you, my parents are trying their best to keep her from getting fired from her internship, like flushing her joint she was smoking the night before her first day at work, enduring her beatings and at least trying to contain her insanity. But 99% of the time it ends up with them giving in, since thats easier than negotiating with a psychological terrorist.

(Side note, my sister is incredibly thin and weak physically, so she doesnt cause much physical damage when hitting us, except for a few scratches, but yk, you cant shove her away too hard or she goes flying)

Which is why they are moving her to a clinic with a housing program for the "mentally challenged teenagers". But since she has to go there by her own will, and she wont be able to pull off the shit she does here, she'd rather make everyone's life a living hell than move in there. And the police as well as our country's version of CPS cant do anything since *"her behavior isnt bad enough to justify outside intervention"* As if her racking up fines for riding the train cross country in the thousands, her stealing everyones cash to fund her Weed addiction or sending it to her "boyfriend" in prison, her abusing every single bit of love and trust my parents *somehow* still harbor for her, as if that wasnt enough.

I hate her. And having to be the understanding older sibling and "she has a personality disorder, give her some grace" is fucking idiotic. She stole 400 bucks from me while I was out of the country, wrote "my bad" once I found out, blasts german ghetto rap at full volume at 8 AM for a full hour, (tries to) kick in doors, screaming death threats when I hack her speaker and lower the volume enough times, yelling the n-word hard r at the end of every sentence as a white/latino European and overall cranking the performative ghetto girl act up to eleven.

I hate her. I dont love her, not as a sister, half-sister, a friend, anything. Were she a stranger, I wouldve already called the police on her multiple times and have her arrested for just a fraction of what I described before.

Her BPD as an excuse or explanation isnt enough to make me feel pity for her. Her using *"Im still just a minor"* as an excuse for her behavior and a defense from any consequence is manipulative. I hate her. My parents wish she would get a grip. My grandparents wish she would get a grip. I wish for her to finally get the treatment she deserves in that housing facility. Its probably gonna be "please dont do that but if you do anyway, thats okay, we cant legally stop you" anyway. God I hate her.

Today is my sister’s birthday. We hadn’t spoken in months after a huge pointless argument that she started. It’s been this way ever since she moved out of the family home, a few weeks before her birthday we all fall out then the day of/before she unblocks, reaches out and acts strangely positive. Every year I’ve always messaged her a happy birthday but this year I’ve chosen not to.

This birthday evening she’s created a group chat with maybe 50+ people including myself titled with some heart emojis but none of us know each other. I don’t even recognise them as friends she’s told me about. I believe she is expecting some kind of birthday wishes or something to feed her ego but everyone in the group chat is confused about why she even made it.

Ive seen long horrible hurtful text messages on this subreddit and thats the kind of thing i’m expecting after today. And i dont think i like her enough anymore to care about replying this time around. Being the first birthday of hers I’ve officially missed, i feel incredible sadness. It genuinely feels like i am losing my sister and i can’t fix it anymore.

That's it. I realized it today. She truly enjoys hurting me and making others hurt me. That's why it kills her to treat me like a person, to see anyone else treat me like a person. She frames me and goes out of her way to paint me black and I see her smile, a big smile, as they scream and berate me.

She's only ever smiled like that, happily, when she sees someone abuse me or when she abuses me. I don't think I can take it anymore, but I'm trapped until I'm old enough to move out. At this point because of how nobody believes me and how she insists I deserve it and that It's my fault, it's hard to not believe I don't deserve it.

Nobody treats me with human dignity anymore except for my girlfriend and her friends, and at this point it feels alien. The majority treat me like I'm not human, because in school I'm bullied and the teachers do nothing. My parents divorced and my mom is a borderline as well as my sister, so I can't escape. Dad didn't believe me until recently and even then, there's not a lot he can or will do about it to help me. Every day of this makes it harder and harder to remain like this. All I want is to be considered a human like the others. I didn't even do anything to deserve this. I thought I could maybe heal a little when my niece was born (healthy despite being 3 weeks premature), and I loved her so much, but it was only for 2 weeks that my sister treated me with decency, and only because I can babysit the baby. Now she doesn't even bother. My life is a living hell at this point.

School is a blessing even though I'm bullied because at least a few people treat me decently or ignore me, and the work and lectures are a distraction. I can't deal with being at home anymore. I already wanna go back to school to be away from her. It's unbearable to live like this when there's no way out for two more years. I'm only a sophomore yet all I've known is this. My girlfriend was the first to treat me well, and even with her I interpret things as signs she's turning against me when it's not because I'm so used of it meaning the worst. I can't stand it.

My sister is genuinely sadistic. I wish we could be close like we used to be, but it will never be that way again. It's been 6 years of this. Certain teachers keep seating me next to bullies and that only makes my life worse. She likes my suffering, and she hates when I'm happy. She's only happy to see me if it's when she sees me being abused. She's only happy when she abuses me. I can't wait for her to move out, or for me to move out, just something to escape it.

There's nobody left in my family who can help me anymore. I just needed someone to hear me and tell me I'm not crazy. That maybe I don't deserve to be berated and screamed at, lied about, threatened. That I'm not making it up. That I'm not remembering wrong, because nobody here would ever tell me such thing.

My sister and I have been very close our whole life. She is 28 (F) and I am F (22). We’ve always had a turbulent relationship and now I feel I’m at cross roads. Recently she was diagnosed with BPD and I want to support and help her but it’s been hard and I’m not sure how to navigate it.

She often times lashes out on me and gaslights me, it’s really impacting our relationship. When she’s not mad she’s the best sister but when things get bad they are bad. For example, this has been happening constantly since November and I’m mentally defeated.

My mom and step dad were coming to town to visit my sister and I and everyone was excited. Plans shifted a lot and they were supposed to stay with my bf and I the last 2 days of their 1 week trip and my sister the first night. My sister needed to swap and have them end with her so we accommodated no problem.

The day comes and my family lands at 5pm. That day I call my sister to plan the night at 8am before work, she is busy and then I get swept into constant work until 2pm. 2pm comes and I tell my mom my bf and I are able to pick them up just so she doesn’t call a uber and worry when home.

As soon as I text my mom I text my sister that we can go together and plan something. I know it was last minute and that’s my bad, but neither of us planned it so I thought we could work something out. Plus we had a understanding we would be together the whole trip

Immediately she is cursing me out saying I put men first and I ruined the trip, I’m too stoned to remember to talk to her and ask, I’m disgusting and etc. A lot of viole words. She even starts saying things to my mom. Given we live a subway ride away from each other so my intention was we all would be together as a family the whole time. I understand if she’s upset but it was insane. She says she doesn’t want to see anyone because the family is garbage despite my family traveling across the country.

Even with her anger we pick up my parents and my mom and I stop at her place to see if she’s good. Again she’s cursing me out telling me to go wait in the car and I have no right knocking at her door. Our intention was to make sure she was not having a mental health crisis and see if we could talk to her and spend the night together.

It lasted days and just got uglier and uglier. Fast forward one week, we work it out and I forgive her. We hung out about 5-6 times the next week and had an amazing time. Sunday comes and she is teaching a wellness class, I typically try to go but the classes are $35 and adding up. My dad also just died in May so I have a lot of random expenses hitting me and I’m trying to manage. I am okay financially but I am also trying to budget after some big bills so this week I decided not to attend her yoga class and told her I would go but this week it’s a bit expensive.

Despite not going to her class, I go to her house after for a planned hangout and immediately upon walking in I ask her how it went.

She instead makes insulting comments, “it was good with the people who support me. You say $35 dollars is too much for you but you don’t have that restriction when buying weed or alcohol or hanging out with your friends. Just saying it’s pathetic. I hang out with you enough to see your actions. Don’t use that bs as an excuse.” I understand she’s upset I didn’t go but she continues to take it to another level. Then again she curses at me, and I tell her I feel judged and analyzed instead of comfortable hanging out with her. She takes it further and says if my friends judge me why can’t she, which is not true. And then kicks me out for yelling at her house when I try to explain the classes we’re adding up and I’m trying to respect my budget until next month.

Not sure what to do. This continues to happen every week it seems. I don’t wanna hurt her feelings and want to be a better sister but when she is saying I’m disgusting, pathetic, and to stoned to think it’s hard to navigate and I feel confused. It gets heated quick and I have learned to disengage but it seems like one thing I do that she doesn’t agree with turns into tearing me apart. Now I’m constantly confused if I’m the shitty person or gaslight constantly

My sister, who has BPD, is always in financial crisis because of irresponsible spending. She has been bailed out by family members many, many times. Because she could never pay her rent, the only solution, other then paying her rent in perpetuity, was for her to move to a senior living apartment with lower rent. She was able to get an apartment, but the process was filled with anger and resentment and nasty accusations. She does like her apartment but is miffed that the complex is not up to her aristocratic standards. I was traveling back home and decided to stop by. She was cordial, but stiff and haughty. I brought her some gifts that she did appreciate. When we left, I felt we had a good visit, but about half an hour later she "accidentally" texted me a snide comment about me that was meant to go to a friend of hers. Knowing her "mean girl" tendencies, i feel the "mistake" was deliberate. That was the proverbial "straw" and now i plan to go no contact until she is able to keep an amicable relationship with me. Is it hopeless? Too much to expect because of her BPD?

My sister asked to go to brunch with my today and I'm not sure what exactly caused a shift, but it felt different.

Maybe it was the culmination of the therapy and medications she's been trying? Maybe I just said yes to more things than usual? But it was the first day ever that I felt like I had a normal sister relationship. Not like I was being held hostage at the table, or constantly having to placate. We just talked.

From the moment I got in the car we were discussing eachother's outfits and hair just so normal. No weird underlying tension. We gossiped about work, laughed so much when I accidentally spilled a drink, got lost on the way there and laughed it off. It felt equal, 50:50, not like this horrendous social seesaw I've felt for so long. I feel like I can breathe easier.

I know everyday won't be like this, but I didn't even know we were capable of having days like this before today. The laughing, the chatting, the normal sister shit. Using eachother's hairbrush and picking up birth control together. It felt so normal and nice. I got to feel goofy and lighthearted, not parentified. I got to make jokes and be silly. God it feels so good. Maybe I was some of the problem, bringing up heavy topics like mental health whenever I got the chance cause I was worried for her. I'll try to remember to be less confrontational in hopes I get some more days like today.

From calling me every few days threatening to off herself and telling me I'm a terrible person to this. It took years to have a day like this but it happened! Laughing over coffee and just talking about gripes in a casual fun way. Hoping I get more days like this and she keeps getting better, I've seen so many small improvements. Less splitting, hurtful words, etc in the past few months since she's been getting therapy and medication. She feels so much more reasonable each day, I hope she feels more peace too.

I hope all of you who post your struggles with your loved ones on here read this and can feel like there's hope for some good/great days. Hope for a good relationship.

We had a difficult time growing up. I was very mentally ill as a teenager, I was abused at school by my peers and my mum was verbally abusive to both me and my sibling.

I was diagnosed with PTSD back then from what I experienced and both me and my sibling were in and out of therapy at various stages.

Eventually university got me out of town and away and I did a lot better. Though I had therapy I definitely struggled with my PTSD a lot still and probably needed to be medicated and wasn't. My sibling being younger dealt with our mum for longer.

Eventually she ran away from home with a guy and I'd see her very rarely.

It wasn't until after COVID how badly they were doing came out. They did a lot of self harming and drinking to cope and eventually after having a baby and the guy leaving them they started to try to commit suicide frequently. Me and my partner supported them a lot.

It has been so many times that I have completely lost count but it was at its worst over the last couple years with at least one attempt every couple months.

One time I found them in the bathtub having had an overdose and cut their feet to bleed out. The ambulance crew told me I saved their life. We went no contact for a few months after that and I had therapy. Then nan died and my sibling was back in my life. They were still very unstable and I found myself trying to support them again. They couldn't stop destabilizing themselves by dating and drinking too much. They tried to kill themselves multiple times again.

But in April they failed again, went home untreated from a and e. They insisted they didn't need treatment they just needed to rest. I didn't believe them and sent an ambulance. They were annoyed and turned the crew away refusing to go with them.

Two days later they were in hospital with organ failure. I said goodbye to them and they were sent to a specialist hospital, it was very unlikely they would survive.

When they did survive I felt awful because I wish they hadn't. They've given themselves a brain injury and partial blindness from the side effects. It's been months of recovery and they are getting better. They are still my sibling inside even with confusion and cognitive changes.

I've been visiting them in hospital, but the visits are getting less frequent now as I just find the more they recover the more I want nothing to do with them. I feel like an awful person, but life would be better without them. Alive or dead.

I wish I could feel differently I've been carrying it a lot. I've had frank conversations with my dad and partner about it, and they understand why I feel this way..but I still feel like I'm failing them by not being able to forgive them.

Logically I know it's not their fault and they were suffering but there's only so much I can put up with. I don't know if anyone here has gone through something similar but it's hard to know where to go from here. I seriously consider going no contact again but feel like I'd be abandoning them and bad for wanting to.

I'm 33. My brother (31)with BPD had a big, abusive episode on me around Christmas last year. My mom stopped talking to me for months because I wanted her to take accountability for the abuse she has allowed me to suffer my entire life while she turned a blind eye. That resulted in abandonment.

My husband and I are moving back to my homes state. We have to get a hotel instead of being able to stay with my family because I am not safe in my mom's house.

I have an older brother and we have a great relationship. I will miss out on spending time with him. (He has autism and still loves with them.)

Instead of facing the confronting my brother and standing up for me, she is allowing my relationship with her to suffer to keep my brother comfortable.

I know she is hurt that we are getting a hotel vs staying with her, but she enables his abusive behavior. She's constantly chosen my little brother's happiness and comfort over my brother and me no matter the cost.

If one of my children bullied my other two children and was physically abusive to them, I would handle it. I wouldn't neglect my kids and let it get this far.

Why do parents choose to enable the abuser and allow them to ruin the family dynamic?

Idk what to do. We both had traumas growing up, but hers hurt her way worse than mine did me.

She just got evicted from low income housing because they found weed paraphernalia in her room. It was already incredibly difficult just to find her that home, and she’s been on the section 8 list going on 2 years or so.

She’s physically disabled and that, plus her BPD and PTSD make it virtually impossible to hold down a job. If she did work, she’d lose her disability and welfare support but not have enough money to support herself.

She does have a very difficult personality and has burned many bridges. I’m the only person in the family that keeps in touch with her. My husband and I do not have a spare room for her, but even if we did he does not trust her in the slightest and does not want her living with us.

Honestly, I don’t really want her with us either. She hangs out with bad people and dates the worst men. She carries a gun and was arrested for attempting to shoot her ex (he was attacking her, but I wasn’t there and can’t be 100% sure of the description she provided).

She doesn’t have much self awareness and has a strong victim mindset. I can’t blame her, since she was abused as a child and no one really stood up for her. But at some point, she needs to take responsibility for herself. She’s irresponsible with her welfare checks. She buys things she can’t really afford. She argues with everyone and everyone is always wrong, from her perspective. She’s got pretty bad black and white thinking, cycling between idealizing men and then seeing them as the worst when they disappoint/violate her. She was diagnosed with an STD and still kept being intimate with men she barely knew before the treatment was complete. She made a very inappropriate comment to our 5 year old niece, semi-joking about shooting her enemies.

I’ve suggested therapy and adjusting her meds, but she refuses. I can understand, therapy is often not very effective and when someone has BPD it can be even harder to make work.

I just don’t know what to do. All her bridges are burned and the American welfare system is not helping her in the way she needs. She’s going to be homeless soon and I’m afraid of what’s going to happen to her out on the street. She’s very pretty and the worst men are always chasing after her, and wind up abusing her.

I guess I’m just looking for any advice from someone who might have been in a similar situation.

Long story short - I’m no contact with my sister with BPD traits. My mum has enabled her for years - explaining away her behaviour and turning a blind eye to the impact she’s had on me.

My sister recently wrote in a birthday card to my son saying how she ‘loves hearing all about him from granny’, which leads me to believe my mum is sharing information about my family to her. This has led to me feeling really guarded about what I share with my mum.

I hope it doesn’t sound petty but I don’t want my sister knowing things about me and my family after she completely wrecked our relationship. I feel really protective and don’t feel she has any right to know what’s happening in my life. At the same time, if I ask my mum to keep things private (even nice things about my children) this will likely upset her as she wants me and my sister to get along. I never ask my mum about what’s happening in my sister’s life as I don’t want to put her in the middle.

Does anyone have experience of this? How do you handle your privacy and sharing of information with your person with BPD?

I’m at my limit with my sister. She has no idea that anything is wrong with her. She is really emotionally abusive to me and only does it behind closed doors so that everybody thinks that I’m crazy.

She’s a master at making every situation she puts me in look like I’m the bad guy to anybody looking in from the outside. It would be genuinely fascinating if it wasn’t terrifying.

I want to go low or no contact and fully realize that it’s going to isolate me from the rest of my family. But I can’t take it anymore. She recently sabotaged my wedding plans saying she couldn’t get off work and then got off work miraculously the next day after we already moved it for her.

Even just asking her for a little space in a calm way she is spiraling out. I’m trying to ignore her messages, but there are so many. And I know my mom is going to call me telling me that my sister is bawling her eyes out that I never wanted to speak to her ever again. My mom calls me crying herself, saying that she doesn’t know why I can’t just get along with my sister.

Has anyone been through this and do you know what to do?

Im visiting my BPD sister currently, and im so thankful I chose to not stay with her.

Im here with my daughters just to spend time with nephew. I think my sister has BPD and her ex is a narcissist, the poor boy is an only child and caught in between this. I live in another country so can’t be there for him the way I would like to.

They share joint custody and both cannot stand each other. My sister bad mouths her ex and her own parents to him all the time. She has been suffering from various health ailments over the last many years and now does some remote work for get by, while making her 12 year old son do everything - loading unloading the dishwasher, doing laundry, folding laundry, watering the plants, taking out the garbage, making his own breakfast.

She also sends various sandwiches with my nephew when he goes to his dad’s as he starves my nephew. I didnt believe this claim, but seeing how thin he has become, I tend to believe her. Apparently he is punishing nephew for not telling CPS about my sister and choosing to live with her when the custody battle was on.

Everytime i visit my sister she starts ranting about all wrong that has been done to her - real and imagined till it becomes unbearable and I have to leave. I just try to pick up my nephew and have the kids spend time in the parks/ mall or my hotel room.

I just feel so so bad for my nephew, I hope that he comes out of this sane enough to seek treatment and live a normal life. I’m hoping these few visits will bring him the comfort that there are other people who really care about him, and he can seek us out when he’s older.

I’ve largely been nc with my brother since a few months before our son was born (now 19 months). Not going to rehash everything, but he did and said some fairly unforgivable things and harassed us so viciously that my wife had a panic attack during her third trimester of pregnancy and had to go to medical triage (thankfully baby is okay). He also created a big scene about not being invited to the Bris (Jewish circumcision ceremony). We were fairly certain that we were going to need to call the police to drag him away since he kept threatening to show up and start an incident - my own parents wound up having to skip the ceremony to keep him from doing that.

Multiple family members have gone nc with him because he has had similar incidents with pretty much everybody in our family and scares the living hell out of most of us with his constant freak-outs and nonstop harassment. He also frequently threatens self-harm to my parents to force them to pressure me into talking to him.

My wife and I have blocked him on pretty much every possible platform and for obvious reasons I don’t want somebody that unstable around my son. We also moved to a completely different state, partially to get a few hundred miles away from him. He still tries to reach us directly though not as often as he used to. Now the thing he’s been doing is reaching out to people close to us and causing them grief. For example, he reached out to one of my close college friends and tried to convince her that my wife was abusing me. He reached out to my wife’s friends and said that my wife “has a problem with forgiveness.”

Today he sent several messages to my father-in-law on Facebook including alleging that it was in fact me who sent my wife to the hospital by having a mental breakdown. Brother also commented on a photo my FIL posted about our son lamenting about how he’s not allowed around our son. FIL was present for the Bris incident so knows about my brother’s mental health, so he just blocked him and told us.

We’ve felt pretty powerless in this whole situation. We looked into getting a restraining order but both our old and new state have a very high legal bar to qualify for one. But even if we did, there’s nothing that stops him from trying to reach us through people we know and just generally trying to ruin our lives from afar. Have any of you been in this situation!

Hello guys, I'm new to Reddit, so please forgive me if I make any mistakes.

My mother feels extreme disgust toward many things, and in many cases her disgust seems excessive and irrational. You could describe it as OCD plus BPD. My mother does many things to keep herself and the house clean, and my father and I have to meet many of her demands because of it. If those demands aren't met, she starts behaving as if she's completely out of control. Literally, she becomes very difficult to manage. So, for the past few days, my father and I have been wearing Slippers all the time inside the house to satisfy her demands. Walking barefoot indoors is completely forbidden—almost like it's illegal. But just a little while ago, while I was sitting on a chair, my mother was working behind and beside the chair. As she turned to go in another direction, she accidentally stepped on my foot and on my slipper .Maybe many mothers are like this, my mother certainly is. Whenever an incident or accident involves both of us, she puts the entire blame on me. That's exactly what happened this time. She blamed me for keeping my foot, with my slipper on, in that spot. I was shocked because I was simply sitting on a chair, and that's how people naturally keep their feet when they're sitting. But she never listens to my reasoning. She blames me and starts shooting at me instead. This isn't the first time, either. In the past, my mother told me that if I tripped and fell while walking on the road, it would be my fault because I was supposedly looking up at the sky. So I replied, 'Mom, then why were you looking at the sky? You were walking inside the house—you should have been looking at the floor while walking.'But my mother wouldn't listen to anything I said. She kept blaming only me and insisted that it was entirely my fault.To prove that it was my fault, she twisted her own words and came up with some irrational arguments. I stayed quiet after that. Similar incidents have happened many times before—this is just one example that I decided to share today.

My mom is my sister’s biggest enabler. I’ve been NC with my sister for 10 months for my own safety and my LO’s. But my relationship with my mom has quietly deteriorated during this time too, not because of anything I did, but because of what she’s chosen.

My toddler is small and sweet right now. That window won’t last. My mom is missing it. She stopped babysitting my LO but has been spending that freed up time at my sister’s instead. My dad steps up and watches my LO a few hours a week so I can work. My mom has seen my toddler maybe three times in 10 months, and only because I made it happen. She says she wants me to invite her to outings, but I work full time. My sister is a SAHM of two and can meet my mom at the aquarium or park on a random Tuesday. Right now my mom is at my sister’s for two days straight helping with the kids while they get housework done. My parents let my sister, her husband, kids, and dogs live in their own space for months while they sorted out a mold situation, and now my mom watches the kids or cleans and my dad does building work to improve the house, all for free, despite the abuse my sister puts them through.

So my LO doesn’t have a relationship with her nana. Which is exactly what my sister wanted and had multiple meltdowns demanding, even before my LO was born. My sister spent years projecting her own inferiority complex as the middle child onto my mom, insisting everything be made “equal” between our kids instead of going where the actual need was.

My husband says to stop making the effort. My dad admits it’s unfair but says my sister is the squeaky wheel and the easy fix for my mom in a toxic dynamic. My mom is a textbook victim in all of it. And I can’t really lean on my dad either. My sister has cut him off too, yet somehow still has him doing things for her. He won’t tell me what’s actually going on, I think to keep me from being upset at my mom, and to avoid feeding the NC situation that he and my mom both want resolved.

I don’t know what to do. If I bring this up to her, I’m scared she’ll spiral into guilt over the NC situation and try to fix it from that place, or avoid me even more because I represent everything that reminds her she’s failing at this. I love my mom so much. I idolized her. Now I barely recognize her, and that’s especially hard now that I’m a mother myself and need her more than I ever have.

My sister lives with my elderly mother, and my sister cannot be trusted to manage her medication.

She takes a quarter of a months supply in one day because she ran out, and still self harms, and hears voices and never stops talking about them but does nothing to deal with them.

I'm scared of her, and I just want her to go away and leave my mum in peace.

But I'm scared to do anything because I don't know what she'll do to my mum or me.

What can I do to save my mum in this situation?

For context, my sister doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with her. All her relationships fall apart and she genuinely has no idea why. She’s an Olympic level expert at twisting situations to make herself a victim. I’m looking for advice that isn’t just “ uninvite her and cut her off and don’t care.”

She has been a jealous monster through the entire wedding planning process. She’s called us selfish and rude for wanting to have the wedding where we live, called my dress white trash, invited all of her friends without asking even though there was no plan, got a white dress but had just enough stuff on it that I would look crazy for saying something.

We recently found out that my fiancé’s family was coming from around the world and tried to see if we could make it work to have a wedding while they were here six months from now. Now that an actual date was identified, she waited until all the venues were found and tentative plans were made and everybody else was confirmed to throw a giant tantrum. She first tried to say that our other family couldn’t come, which was a lie. She tried to make a lot of other excuses and finally settled on not being able to get off work before she even asked.

We tried to be cool about it and found some other reasons to move the date so that it wasn’t all just about her. There was a very real possibility that she wouldn’t come so that she could throw a fit and look like a victim and we wanted to avoid . My fiancé’s family agreed to reschedule their international trip for next year and we told my sister and she cleared up instantly.

She texted me the next day laughing saying that she got off work after all. I’m so beyond furious. I told her I need some space and she is acting like she genuinely has no clue what I’m talking about and is saying she’s so confused because we had a nice phone call when we told her that we would just move it to next year. And now we look like jerks for asking her to see if she can get off work just to then move the date and she’s a victim cause now she is off and is working on Christmas in exchange. I feel terrible and guilty and I am so exhausted because I find myself in situations like this with her all the time and she’s just like this times 1000 now that I’m getting married.

Do you think she knows what she is doing? Or is she just like this and completely oblivious and really buys that she is a victim? I know she’s going to make a huge scene at the wedding given she tried to spill red wine on my dress and make it look like an accident at a previous wedding I can only imagine what’s coming.

My daughter (20) has BPD. It has been a difficult few years and when we put up boundaries my daughter finds a new boyfriend and will move out and when that situation blows up she returns hoping we will forget what happened before she left.

I work with a therapist which is incredibly helpful. My challenge now is my 18 year old son. He is young for his age, not a great communicator, has a big heart and lots of anxiety. I woke up one day this weekend and my daughter was in crisis (she and her boyfriend are constantly fighting) and I usually give it an hour because the issue tends to be solved and I’m trying to teach her I’m not available 24/7. The difficulty is now hen she can’t get her dad or I, she gets in contact with her brother. It’s just happened twice this week, the first time he handed me the phone while she was yelling and the second time he was sleeping still so not bothered.

She came home yesterday after speaking with my husband for a “week break” But I knew the writing was on the wall with a breakup. Tonight at midnight she begged her brother to take her to the boyfriends to say goodbye to his dogs (which is my son’s weakness). The police were called because she was screaming at the boyfriend and he wouldn’t let her into the home. My son had to then talk to the police.

Some of my concerns with what happened are she lied to him about several things which he believed (we charge her $400 rent and the boyfriend said she could come) he came home so upset about us charging rent which wasn’t true and feeling like he handled it better than us because he gave into her which kept her calm (it didn’t). He’s very protective of me, he knows her being home is a challenge for me and I hate he is taking it on and told him I never want him to do that again. He just started working and I know it’s just a matter of time before she asks for money. I said I didn’t want him to look after her, that’s her job and her parents are here to support good decisions and transitioning to adulthood. I’m looking for any advice especially maybe if those who have siblings with BDP of how I can handle this.

My younger brother with BPD (30M) has been my (32F) main source of torment for nearly our whole lives. We haven’t been close since his symptoms started cropping up in middle school, and our relationship only became more trying when he got his formal diagnosis and used it as a justification for his behavior rather than a catalyst for any actual change.

In January 2025, I sent him a long message saying that I need him to change his behavior and treat me like a person if he wants to be in my life. We have been no contact ever since.

Our parents are in both of our lives, which makes things more complicated. But my brother and I both live in different states than our parents, which helps. My folks have also done a good job of respecting my wishes that I don’t want updates on my brother’s life unless it’s really important. Well, it seems like that important update that has finally happened.

A few weeks ago, just before my parents were set to visit me for the first time in a year, my brother broke his sobriety and made an attempt on his life. I found out after the fact that the suicide attempt was because my brother’s gf told him she was going to have dinner with an ex of hers and he absolutely spun out, blowing up her phone until she texted our mom to check on her son. The gf ignoring his messages was what pushed him over.

My brother lived. My dad dropped everything to fly down and get him stabilized. He and my brother’s therapist made a plan for my brother to get outpatient care once the insurance my dad set up for him kicked in on the first of the month. Once my dad flew home, my brother started spinning out again, and his therapist reached out to my dad to recommend that my brother stay with my parents until he could get further help. All three of them agreed that he would benefit more from inpatient care at a facility that specializes in BPD.

My brother finally headed to inpatient care this past week. Everyone seemed hopeful when he left. Then, after being there for about a day (just long enough for him to be out of observation), he decided he didn’t want to do it, ripped off his wristband, and walked out into the desert. He changed his mind somewhere in there and returned, and the facility had no idea he had left. When told that he had to be treated like he was a new patient again, he told them something like “if you put me down in observation again, I’m going to take my sheets and hang myself right in front of you.” Which did not go well for him.

My dad sent me another update last night. He had to fly out to the state where the facility is because they had determined my brother needed to be moved to “a higher level facility” and that my brother is not happy about it. I think my dad needed to go to give consent and know exactly where my brother is going now? I’m unsure. I’m sure I will hear more soon.

I don’t begrudge my dad giving me these updates, as I do still love my brother even if I don’t want him in my life, but also? Every update kills me. I was so hopeful in the middle of this process because it seemed for the first time that my brother actually wanted to get better and put effort into controlling his BPD. Now, it feels even worse than it did before. I guess part of why he’s really spinning out now is that he was convinced that there’s some magic medication that can fix all his symptoms, and when his inpatient clinic was like “no it’s just therapy and you gotta work at it,” he lost it.

I have always known that I would outlive my brother, that either the high BPD suicide rate or the addictions he uses to drown out his symptoms would catch up with him, but I didn’t anticipate it coming so soon. And it really does feel like it’s creeping up on me. It feels like my family is at a precipice, where either things are going to get mildly better or much worse, and the scale is tipping worse and worse by the moment. The small glimmer of hope that I might one day have any sort of relationship with my brother again is completely gone. I’m worried he’s going to die and it’s going to devastate our parents. I have previously worried that he’s going to live and he will one day become my problem, but it feels less likely these days. Last night, it felt like he was already gone. This morning, I feel numb. I have no hope that he could improve. It’s just a matter of time until the end.

If you’ve read all this way, thanks so much for listening to my vent. I have lurked and posted in this sub in the past and have found comfort just in being around other people who have been through the same experiences. It makes me feel less insane, unwraps my reality a bit. Wishing you all peace and care.