Parent of child with BPD and how to support other child
My daughter (20) has BPD. It has been a difficult few years and when we put up boundaries my daughter finds a new boyfriend and will move out and when that situation blows up she returns hoping we will forget what happened before she left.
I work with a therapist which is incredibly helpful. My challenge now is my 18 year old son. He is young for his age, not a great communicator, has a big heart and lots of anxiety. I woke up one day this weekend and my daughter was in crisis (she and her boyfriend are constantly fighting) and I usually give it an hour because the issue tends to be solved and I’m trying to teach her I’m not available 24/7. The difficulty is now hen she can’t get her dad or I, she gets in contact with her brother. It’s just happened twice this week, the first time he handed me the phone while she was yelling and the second time he was sleeping still so not bothered.
She came home yesterday after speaking with my husband for a “week break” But I knew the writing was on the wall with a breakup. Tonight at midnight she begged her brother to take her to the boyfriends to say goodbye to his dogs (which is my son’s weakness). The police were called because she was screaming at the boyfriend and he wouldn’t let her into the home. My son had to then talk to the police.
Some of my concerns with what happened are she lied to him about several things which he believed (we charge her $400 rent and the boyfriend said she could come) he came home so upset about us charging rent which wasn’t true and feeling like he handled it better than us because he gave into her which kept her calm (it didn’t). He’s very protective of me, he knows her being home is a challenge for me and I hate he is taking it on and told him I never want him to do that again. He just started working and I know it’s just a matter of time before she asks for money. I said I didn’t want him to look after her, that’s her job and her parents are here to support good decisions and transitioning to adulthood. I’m looking for any advice especially maybe if those who have siblings with BDP of how I can handle this.