u/FkUp_Panic_Repeat

Idk what to do. We both had traumas growing up, but hers hurt her way worse than mine did me.

She just got evicted from low income housing because they found weed paraphernalia in her room. It was already incredibly difficult just to find her that home, and she’s been on the section 8 list going on 2 years or so.

She’s physically disabled and that, plus her BPD and PTSD make it virtually impossible to hold down a job. If she did work, she’d lose her disability and welfare support but not have enough money to support herself.

She does have a very difficult personality and has burned many bridges. I’m the only person in the family that keeps in touch with her. My husband and I do not have a spare room for her, but even if we did he does not trust her in the slightest and does not want her living with us.

Honestly, I don’t really want her with us either. She hangs out with bad people and dates the worst men. She carries a gun and was arrested for attempting to shoot her ex (he was attacking her, but I wasn’t there and can’t be 100% sure of the description she provided).

She doesn’t have much self awareness and has a strong victim mindset. I can’t blame her, since she was abused as a child and no one really stood up for her. But at some point, she needs to take responsibility for herself. She’s irresponsible with her welfare checks. She buys things she can’t really afford. She argues with everyone and everyone is always wrong, from her perspective. She’s got pretty bad black and white thinking, cycling between idealizing men and then seeing them as the worst when they disappoint/violate her. She was diagnosed with an STD and still kept being intimate with men she barely knew before the treatment was complete. She made a very inappropriate comment to our 5 year old niece, semi-joking about shooting her enemies.

I’ve suggested therapy and adjusting her meds, but she refuses. I can understand, therapy is often not very effective and when someone has BPD it can be even harder to make work.

I just don’t know what to do. All her bridges are burned and the American welfare system is not helping her in the way she needs. She’s going to be homeless soon and I’m afraid of what’s going to happen to her out on the street. She’s very pretty and the worst men are always chasing after her, and wind up abusing her.

I guess I’m just looking for any advice from someone who might have been in a similar situation.

TLDR - Management criticizes us without owning up to their mistakes. Management cut staffing to an unsafe level for patients, but never help. I work 13 hours on my feet doing heavy healthcare work, with only one 30 min break I’m forced to take. Management has virtually never recognized me for the efforts patients and coworkers have praised me for. I really like my coworkers and feel bad for abandoning them, but I’m having physical and mental health issues due to stress, so I quit without notice. Am I wrong?

I work in healthcare. I do 13 hour shifts. Legally, I’m entitled to one 30 min unpaid lunch break, plus two paid 15 min breaks. All I got was my lunch break (staff were reprimanded for not taking breaks because it could get the company in trouble).

I’m on my feet the entire shift, outside of my lunch break. I do a lot of hands on care, which includes lifting, twisting, turning, with many very large residents. I speed walk and sometimes jog throughout our giant facility to get to the patients quickly.

We used to have 3 staff members for about 40-45 patients, with only one of us being the caregiver and the other two of us having to do two roles (caregiving plus passing a lot of meds, responding to emergencies, calling doctors, calling pharmacies, etc).

Recently, they took away our only caregiver due to budget constraints. Which left myself and my coworker to do our dual roles without any extra help.

I had a hard time before, but after the change I started really dreading going into work. My feet and body ached after work every day, sometimes into my weekends. I lost 10-15 lbs since working there. I was always dehydrated during my shift because we weren’t allowed to keep water bottles and I never had any downtime to drink (outside of a rushed lunch break).

Management told us numerous times that they’d help when we needed it, but never did. They constantly sent out negative messages on group chat about all the mistakes we were making and how we’d face disciplinary action if we didn’t straighten up, but constantly made excuses for their own mistakes.

The patients were given a staff appreciation bulletin board. Management said they’d disperse all the notes to the people who received them. I was told by numerous patients that they’d written notes for me, but I never received a single one from management.

Several caregivers went to management to express appreciation for how much more I helped them compared to others in my position. Never had that relayed to me by management.

I was even reprimanded for not following up on a phone call I made on my “Friday,” even though I was off the following 2 or 3 days.

I’ve had a bad headache that come and goes for the past several days, and I just couldn’t bring myself into work today. I’ve been applying to jobs and have one lined up that seems like they’ll hire me, so I just sent a letter saying I’m quitting immediately for “health concerns.” This isn’t a lie, as I have had physical and mental issues due to stress.

Instead of wishing me well when I called off, or even expressing concern for the hardship it placed on my coworkers, management’s only concern was that I’d called off during a state inspection.

My social battery for talking face to face, or even on the phone is fairly low. But I notice texting at length doesn’t bother me as much. I still get tired and disappear for a while afterwards, but I can conversate via text more at length.

I have some theories about why, do you agree or have anything to add?

There’s virtually no room for interrupting. With texting, you can type out your entire thought and send it in its completion. Will the recipient actually read it? No guarantee. But at least you got to *say* what you wanted to say, without being cut off.

The lack of physical presence. I’m kind of averse to eye contact, but even sitting side by side and talking is draining. Maybe it’s the nonverbal communication that I’m sensitive to. I pick up on subtle cues and microaggressions/passive aggression, subtle communications of emotions, etc. It’s tiring to constantly be in analysis mode while trying to formulate coherent thoughts into words. It seems like an introvert thing, since we tend to spend more time observing than speaking. Some of us might be more sensitive to technical aspects of the conversation, like incorrect statements or opinions conveyed as facts?

Masking. Idk about you, but I’m a recovering masker and people pleaser. The PP is due to trauma, but masking I think stems from (American) societal pressures to be outgoing and overly expressive, especially as a woman. It’s tiring contorting my face and vocalizations to come across as more palatable to outgoing types or those that believe in gender stereotypes.

Depth. We have a lot going on upstairs and sometimes it can be difficult to widdle it all down into a simple statement. I’m not saying extroverts aren’t smart, but in general I’ve noticed introverts are intelligent. Whether emotionally or intellectually. Our expansive minds think and/or feel very deeply, and it can be tough to compress so much info.

These are just off the top of my head. What do you guys think?

About to start my 12 hour day shift as a single med tech (two carts) with one caregiver for 35 residents at an assisted living facility. One active patient, two isolation, two hoyer lifts… Pray for me.

I can’t fathom why my state doesn’t have a legal requirement for staff to resident ratio.

What’s the worst you’ve dealt with?

I have a bachelors of science in nursing and, soon, a masters in marriage and family therapy. I love the systemic foundation of MFT, but am concerned providing talk therapy won’t feel satisfying for me.

I’ve a long history of working in medical settings and am interested in pursuing the I/O psychology path to improve healthcare systems, but I’m unsure if I’m cut out for a job that *big*.

If anyone has experience with this field or degree path, can you offer any insights? What skills would someone need to fit this role? How intense is the doctoral program? What do you wish you’d known prior to entering the field? What positions are most interesting, rewarding, and/or lucrative? How high is the stress level? Do people in these positions in the US really have much impact, given the poor state of healthcare?

Any and all advice/insights are welcome.

Hello, I’m currently a medication technician but am in school for a degree in mental health. My goal long term is to help medical facilities improve employee wellbeing and morale, as a way to improve patient outcomes. I’m most interested in helping long term care facilities.

So my question is what would you change about your work environment to make you feel better about working there? What changes do you think are necessary to make you happier, and as a result provide the best care to your patients?

Just wondering if it’s common for Taurus types to move on and never look back at someone they deeply cared for, or do you tend to hold onto feelings even after a long time. If they hurt you, does that change?

If you’ve got any examples or stories to share, feel welcomed to share.

Due to gender expectations and such. Of course this wouldn’t be true for every individual. But based on personal experience, it seems men and women who feel pressured by society to behave in a more “typically” masculine or feminine way rely on their lower stack as a mask to camouflage and be seen as acceptable by society.

Conversely, I’ve noticed that some thinking type women and feeling type men are incredibly well rounded, when comfortable and secure in themselves. Those types amaze me.

Is this a thing?

Be safe out there

I need some book recommendations to enrich my mind and mitigate the brain rot.

When I was a teen/preteen, I enjoyed books where the protagonist self reflected, or reflected about life/others in general. Some authors I enjoyed were ER Frank and Sarah Dessen. Those books are a bit too juvenile for me now, but I’m wondering if there are some adult books with a similar reflection-based main character development. I’m 35, for reference.

I haven’t read an actual book in decades 😭 but I’ve listened to some decent audiobooks. Mainly the Unmasking Autism series and Laziness Does Not Exist by Devin Price. Aside from self reflection books, I enjoy styles like his where they speak on broader, systemic issues related to mental health or societal problems. I started one of Bernie Sanders’ audiobooks, but haven’t finished.

Others I’ve enjoyed:

Angela’s Ashes
Harry Potter
Anne of Green Gables
Hunger Games
Enders Game (sad, but a decent read)
Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants

My bachelors is in nursing. I studied at a highly ranked program and graduated cum laude.

Now I’m about to start my internship in my MA MFT program, but I found out not long ago that it’s not the greatest school.

I’m thinking I might want to become a psychologist and do assessments instead (i.e. ADHD, autism). I’ve been told in order to stand a chance at getting into a PsyD program, I’d need research experience first.

So how can an MFT or LAMFT get into research? And are there certain areas of research I should focus on to reach my career goal?

I have very fond memories of my wedding day. The dress, the people, the playlist I made… and how we were able to do it at a low cost by finding deals and keeping things simple. Even the things that went wrong just made me and my husband laugh. It was a great day.

Just curious about your memories of your wedding. What food did you serve? What was your dress/suit like? What kind of music? Decorations? Special moments? Anything that stood out to you or you’d like to share.

I just wish I were interested in SOMEthing. Other than drinking and food.

That’s all. That’s my rant.

I have a bachelors in nursing that I earned 13 years ago. The theory part kind of made sense to me, but the hands on skills and critical thinking I could not handle at all.

I worked for various eye doctors for about a decade, but they eliminated my position and I couldn’t handle the fast pace and precision required for the other positions available.

I’ve tried front desk - it’s too fast paced, too much multitasking, and I’m not good with attention to detail.

I’ve tried caregiving - I’m too slow and uncoordinated.

I even tried fast food and couldn’t handle it.

I’m currently passing out medications as a technician - too many errors with documentation, I’m too slow, I can’t handle the executive functioning, and it’s a supervisory position and I have trouble setting boundaries and making decisions quickly.

I’ve always had good grades in school, but when I try to do an actual job I always fail. I become overwhelmed, anxious, overstimulated, fearful of my peers/supervisors perceptions of me, and everything requires a fast pace, multitasking, and high levels of executive functioning.

Being a cashier and grocery bagger was ok, but it doesn’t pay enough. Same with stocking shelves, except I had trouble unloading the trucks. I need a “real” job, but I can’t seem to function well enough to stick around anywhere. I enjoy learning about psychology, but my mental health isn’t good enough to help others. I’m at a loss for what I can do for work.

I’m 35 and I can’t seem to get myself together.

I’m a medication technician. I pass meds to residents at an elder care facility. I’ve been making a lot of errors lately, but many of them were because I was told by the experienced techs to do things that way. I also cannot keep up with the demands, and management thinks I’m incompetent. But the truth is the other technicians aren’t performing well either. They just hide their mistakes and/or incompetence so that it seems they’re doing their jobs correctly.

I’m neurodivergent. Diagnosed adhd and it’s been suggested I’m autistic. Although I excel in school, the executive functioning required in the real world is something I struggle with greatly. I also have CPTSD and social/generalized anxiety. I can’t ask for accommodations because the only things that help me work aren’t feasible in my workplace.

I told my boss in my interview that I need clear instructions, clearly outlined protocols, and structured learning to be successful. I’ve received none of that. I understand that’s not really realistic in most workplaces, but it is really what I need. I have 3 different coworkers telling me to do one task three different ways. When I reach out to management for guidance, I get no response or a very delayed response. Then I’m reprimanded for doing what my coworkers advised me to do.

I’m not sure what to do. I can’t leave this job because my resume already looks pretty poor. I’m also in school currently and need the 12 hour shifts to have time for my school work. I have a bachelors degree in a medical science field, but I graduated over a decade ago and struggled with the program. I’m kind of pigeonholed into this profession until I finish my masters degree in a different field.

At my last job, I had multiple hostile coworkers who made my workplace a toxic nightmare. I’m afraid that if I tell my boss the truth, my coworkers will retaliate and I’ll wind up facing the same hostility again.

So how can I explain this to my boss? I get the impression that she thinks I’m “dumb,” but I’m not. I have disabilities and am receiving poor guidance.

I get it. I suck. But I ask them questions to try to clarify how to do things correctly and get no response. Is this a me problem, or a deeper systemic issue?

My husband was fired twice in the past 6 or so months, and his most recent employer just straight up closed down one day. It’s looking like I might be next on the chopping block, though I deserve it. I’m not cut out for employment.

I can take care of mine and my husband’s home like a boss. Bills paid on time, appointments scheduled and never missed, house spotless, dinner made. But if I had a real job that required those exact same responsibilities, I just can’t do it for some reason. Anyone else struggling to perform?

I currently live in a city where tattoos and piercings are very popular. My only piercings are in my ears, but I’m working on stretching my earlobes to about 1/2-3/4 inch. I have 9 tattoos thus far, but plan on getting a full arm sleeve that would be visible. I also have dreadlocks, and I prefer to keep them neat.

I’m not sure where I’m going to move yet, but my husband and I are looking at more liberal cities (Charlottesville, Staunton, Richmond, Roanoke, Newport News, Norfolk, etc).

I’m nearing the end of my masters program, and haven’t started my internship yet so I don’t know what my specialty will be. I’m leaning towards couples counseling, helping familial caregivers, or working in a medical setting.

I’m a black woman in my mid 30’s, though I’m told I look about 25. I love the mental health field and have wanted to work in it since childhood. I’m kind and considerate, and try to respect everyone I meet. I can come across as intimidating upon first appearances, but once people get to know me they often tell me I’m one of the nicest people they’ve ever met.

I understand Christianity to be big in the state, and I’m spiritual but not religious. I wouldn’t share that with my clients, and I’d be happy to bow my head with them if they want to pray. I pray “to the universe,” and deceased loved ones, so I’m sincere when I join others in prayer (even if it’s not necessarily to their chosen God).

when I visited Staunton and Charlottesville last year, I only saw one person who was heavily tattooed and pierced. No one seemed to be staring at her, but she did kind of look out of place.

So I’m wondering how I might be received in these parts of Virginia. Do you think many people would even give me a chance, based on my appearance?

I have a husband who loves me. I try to be grateful for him, and not get so bogged down in how friendless I am. But I’m not really close with my family, and I lost all my childhood friends in my 20’s after a falling out (I’m 35 now). My childhood friends weren’t all that great of friends, so aside from one person I don’t really miss any of them. The one friend I do kind of miss has at least two kids now and we wouldn’t have much in common these days anyway, since I’m childfree.

I don’t have any interests, nor any interesting traits that would afford me any interest from potential friends. I’m a high masking neurodivergent individual with CPTSD and a high fawning response. I can’t unmask around anyone besides my husband. He’s my best and, at this point, only friend. But again, one good friend is a lot more than a lot of us have. So I hate to sound ungrateful.

It’s just hard because I feel so isolated sometimes. Not nearly as bad as when I was single, but I still feel kind of empty sometimes. Work is the only place I interact regularly with people outside of my family and I get so tired of them. I’d like to have a friend, but feel like my standards aren’t realistic. Plus, I have a hard time not being attracted to the friends I enjoy most, regardless of their gender. I’m a monogomous person, so I’d never want to entertain that type of relationship with anyone outside of my husband.

I’m not sure what to do. I want to find even just one friend that I can unmask around and enjoy time with outside of my husband. But I can’t unmask enough around anyone to find someone who’s compatible with the “real me.” I also don’t want to develop feelings for someone who’s meant to be a platonic friend…

This might be a very specific-to-me problem to have. But if you’ve ever experienced this conundrum, or similar, how did you deal with it?