Do I like her or the attention?
Context:
I (25, Fem) met this girl (25, Fem) through a mutual friend a few months ago, and at first, wala talaga akong expectation na magiging ganito kami ka-close. We just clicked. Same humor, maraming similarities, and ang dali niyang kausap. Eventually, naging comfortable ako sa kanya enough to open up about personal stuff, including the fact na I've always been more attracted to mascs. I've never really been sure about my sexuality though, kasi I've never been in a relationship before and I've never really had to question it this much.
At some point, she confessed na she was becoming attached to me and that her feelings were becoming more than friendship. I was honestly surprised because I didn't see it coming. I told her na hindi ako sure if I could reciprocate what she feels, but despite that, we stayed close.
Eventually, our friendship became more intimate and we crossed that line between friendship and something more. It happened more than once and eventually became part of our dynamic. But what confuses me is that I don't think it was purely physical for me. We became emotionally close too. We talk almost every day, call each other a lot, have endearments for each other, and she's someone I genuinely feel comfortable and safe with. I actually enjoy having her around.
Now we're in different places and don't see each other as often, but we're still very close and constantly communicate.
And here's my problem:
I genuinely don't know what I feel for her.
I know I care about her. I miss her when she's not around. I enjoy talking to her and spending time with her, and the thought of completely losing her from my life actually bothers me. But there are also times when I get overwhelmed by how much attention she wants from me. I'm very used to being on my own, so sometimes I just want my own space and don't feel like talking to anyone. There are even times when I only want to talk to her when I feel like talking.
That's what makes me question everything. Am I actually developing romantic feelings for her, or am I just really attached to the attention, affection, comfort, and sense of safety she gives me?
I also don't think it's simply lust. If it were just physical, I don't think I'd still want her in my life if we completely removed that part of our relationship. But at the same time, I can't confidently say, "I want to be in a relationship with her." And that's the part that scares me because I don't want to give her false hope just because I like having her around.
Another thing that's honestly making this harder for me is the thought of what happens if I actually give her a chance. I don't even know how I would come out to my family or even to our circle of friends. Our friends know us as really close friends, so the thought of suddenly telling them that we're actually together feels... scary and overwhelming. I'm not even sure how my family would react, and since I've never been in a relationship before, I don't know how to navigate all of that either. So sometimes I wonder if part of my hesitation is really about my feelings for her, or if I'm also scared of everything that would come with actually being with a woman
My goal:
I want to figure out what I'm actually feeling before I make any decisions about us. I don't want to force myself to call it love just because she has feelings for me, but I also don't want to dismiss my feelings just because I'm confused and inexperienced.
For the WLW here, especially those who were also confused about their sexuality or had their first serious emotional connection with a woman: how did you know that you actually liked the person romantically and weren't just attached to the way they made you feel? What was the difference for you between "I love being loved by this person" and "I actually want this person romantically"?