I just want to feel cared and i feel alone and sometimes invalidating for wanting this.
Ive noticed this for about a year and a half when I got depression. I started craving being deeply nurtured and usually what you get when you get treatment for depression is cold and clinical while the people you know like your friends and family are focused on fixing with logic and invalidation you when youre feeling down or exhausted. There are too many people that seem hesitant or resistant to offering comfort. Its just so twisted that weve considered against emotional support as something we dont need even if its just to listen and tell someone "I'm sorry you went through that. It must've been really tough". Am I the only one who knows to do that? Like ive come across posts here where people are being insecure and are trying get reassuring logic when they need someone to listen to them and make them feel less alone their pain and yeah, maybe some reassurance. Thats probably in my mind what you can do to help people are going through tough situations. Im someone who values supporting people in those ways and i cant ever get those things back. But being invalidating appears to come from the need to prove that youre tough and smart. Anyone with an average iq can go "its not rational to feel that way". This needs to stop being nornalized. Like when have caring attitudes become a disease? People dont realize that saying things like "dont say that" or "just smoke weed brah" just contributes to more suicides.
But aside from people bringing their egos into vulnerability, I have seriously longed for deep closeness and its unbearably crushing. I feel a loneliness thats more severe than romantic loneliness and i just cant take anymore. I would ask people to suport me but normally its some generic bullshit and its because of the socuety weve become and the hate against vulnerability we've harbored. I feel so so helpless. I cannot tell you guys how many times a day I think of ending it all. My frustration, depression, and anger has hit a peak. Im sick of the asshat ideas about smart people and that some people feel like like they have to be an unloving, distant and avoidant human to get validation and appraisal from others.
Im really sorry if anyone feels attacked by my post. Ive been going through hell for the past few weeks and Ive really wanted to unpack these emotions one way or another. I just dont want to live like this anymore. I dont want to be strong and carry everthing by myself. but I feel like I have to perform a facade to everyone currently not around me. I dont feel comfortable talking about what's bothering me because of what I get when I do. Ive been trying to be more social in search of maybe finding friends and a girlfriend who will one day offer the support I need. However this doesn't feel like something that'll happen in the foreseeable future given how people are. I know what i can realistically expect even with how crushing my depression is. Atleast sometimes. Even therapists gave pushed me into seeking surface level relationships.