Feeling like such a failure at 35
Today has been one of my darkest days. I reached a point of realisation that I have failed my father. I try not to focus on what society expects from us at a certain age but at 35 I have no job, no real career (I have freelanced my entire life and it’s been challenging), no wife, no kids. I had some decent money at one point during my late 20’s and early 30’s and instead spent it on travel, trying to enjoy my life, which I did enjoy. I was also severely depressed during this period (I still am) and spent money recklessly, after all I thought I would just end my life so nothing mattered. I practically spent 90% of my money. I still live with my father and I’m trying to help financially but I feel guilt, I shouldn’t have spent so much and could have used the funds to improve our life.
I feel like I have failed…but maybe I’m not a failure. I lived a selfish life and have now decided to devote the rest of my existence to support my father whenever possible.
I just wanted to vent. Today was hard and I’ve been crying all day with immense sadness and a sense of guilt. I wish someone could tell me everything will be ok.