5 months post-divorce and I feel emotionally numb
I got divorced 5 months ago. At first, I felt relieved… but also empty. I never really leaned on people for emotional support because I’ve always gone to therapy and usually process things there.
After the divorce, I discovered the full extent of my ex-husband’s financial problems. They were serious — debt, liens, a lot of hidden issues. Our prenup protected me legally, but realizing I could have ended up losing everything, even my home, has honestly messed me up mentally.
I’m tired of everyone assuming I’m okay just because I keep functioning and living my life normally. I miss him. I’m tired of hearing “the divorce was the best thing that ever happened to you.” I didn’t marry him expecting to divorce him. We were together for years. He was my first love, and I was his too.
I miss him deeply. But I chose myself because he wouldn’t choose me.
I don’t know how to feel better. I hate complaining. I feel emotionally shut down and judged at the same time. My friends rarely check on me or seem interested, and even on my worst days I end up alone. I understand why, though — I mask everything extremely well. Honestly, sometimes I even fool myself.
I wish I could talk about it openly, but I don’t even know how anymore. I don’t even know what I’m expecting from posting this here.