u/Academic_Switch9001

I was wondering how to improve communication with the other presence in my head. I call them a presence, not an alter, since I’m undiagnosed and don’t want to label them as something they might not be.

As of now, we communicate completely with my internal monologue/inner voice. They do not have their own seperate voice. Instead, my thoughts collide and detach from one another as if coming from another voice of opinion. We argue and debate a lot, and hardly ever chat casually.

About 90% of our inner interactions are arguments. They want me to stay away from my friends, and seem to affect my actions in some way to make me seem more aggressive and hostile towards them in attempts to push them away from me. I don’t think this is an action of malice.

Instead, I believe they are trying to protect me. I suffered trauma for several years and my friends tend to accidentally trigger my (medically recognised) PTSD. Me, personally, do not hate them for this. Their humour tends to trigger me constantly, and that isn’t their fault in my eyes.

This other presence, as far as I’m aware, has existed since I was a child after I was exposed to a series of traumatic events, however the presence was in the background and had no form of communication with me. As I’ve experienced more of the same stuff, and experienced some other traumatic events, this presence has grown more hostile and intense. My friends’ accidental triggering seems to have completely uprooted this presence and caused them to directly communicate with me in my thoughts and cause me to lash out at my friends when I really don’t want to.

A few weeks ago, I asked my friends to stop talking about these triggering topics and saying these jokes. Absolutely no efforts have been made to cease these specific interactions. This has caused the presence to become even worse in terms of aggression and unpredictability.

I want to improve my communication with this presence. I dislike that we are consistently arguing. Should I be listening more to them? Am I subconsciously suppressing them? Are they genuinely trying to protect me?

And more importantly: how do I tell my friends about this presence and that what they’re doing is making our friendships weaker? I have briefly discussed this presence with my therapist last week, but I haven’t mentioned anything about this. I will be discussing this in our next session, but I’d like some advice from here in the meantime, particularly about internal communication and how to tell my therapist and friends about all of this, if possible.

Quick disclaimer: a couple of years ago, I faked DID. Very obviously. Nobody caught on. After a few weeks, I felt horrible. Guilty, shameful, disgusted with myself, etc. I took it into my own hands to apologise to the people I'd lied to. I vowed to never, ever, fake anything serious again. Especially when it's mental-health related and could genuinely affect someone. That experience crushed me, and to this day, I remain horrified and appalled by those actions and decisions.

I'd like to add that I have experienced >!physical and emotional abuse!< for the first decade of my life, and continue to as of now. Throughout ages 12-14, I experienced horrific >!sexual abuse!<. This was enough to get me diagnosed with PTSD that drastically affects my life.

Now, three years later, I'm experiencing symptoms of dissociative disorders. I am aware of these experiences possibly being related to PTSD and/or simply being an IFS (Internal Family System) situation. I personally believe that I have at least one other presence in my head, that cannot be labelled as anything yet. All I (think) I know about the biggest presence is that they are rather defensive and aggressive, and tend to try and drive my friends and certain members of my family away from me.

Due to my previous lies, and the amount of stigma and false information on the internet surrounding these types of conditions, I am very, very anxious that I might be subconsciously faking my symptoms. I don't want the condition. I didn't try to will it into existence. I am terrified of having a dissociative disorder; I struggle with PTSD and neurodivergence enough, and I don't need any other issues on my radar.

Are there any tells that I might be faking? Or that this is just an IFS thing? I'm happy to talk more about my symptoms and experiences if necessary. I just need advice because I've been told yes and no by a multitude of professionals and not-professionals.