Moved on but still believe the he was my person.
I’m no longer and haven’t been in that heartbroken, wanting to cry from morning to night, begging for him stage for a while now. I waited and tried to give him the time he said needed until I couldn’t anymore. It was so extremely self destructive hoping and waiting everyday for him to come to a conclusion. I did that for many months and lost so much sleep hoping that it was finally the day. So I let go.
I’ve moved on. It’s been a lot of time since then. But I know I will never want something in my life as badly as I wanted that relationship. I grew up in the same town as him and we never spoke often but I’d tell my friends that he was my future husband all throughout middle and high school. We ended up being absolute best friends later on, we’d talk on the phone all night and that turned into car rides and talking every night until the sun came up. We’d go to work tired and still do that every night. We learned everything about each other. That went on for a long time.
We dated for a while and it was the most natural, unproblematic, warm, loving human connection I’ve ever felt. We took amazing care of each other and had tough conversations very smoothly. I’ve never felt a love so calm and easy. There was just that unexplainable feeling of “this is what we needed” when we were together. He would tell me just how much he loved me and how I was the only one he’d want to spend this life with.
Suddenly it’s like a switch went off. He completely changed and I still do not know why. He just didn’t want to talk. I asked to talk about it and I was “pushing boundaries” and he’d talk about it when he was ready. I waited a long time. Some days he’d text me and say he loves me. Most days it was silence. If id text he might just respond with a “leave me alone”. I couldn’t take it.I watched all the videos of us dancing, singing, and laughing every night and just couldn’t understand what was going on and how he woke up with no desire to talk.
I really couldn’t have built a better man for me in my own imagination. He was so extremely gorgeous inside and out. Every detail of him is with me permanently from the time I spent admiring him. I felt that’s not how things were meant to go but I’ve accepted it. I don’t see us being together again but I know that was the love of my life.