I need help and change
I have been a mum most of my adult life to two kids and I wouldn't change that at all. As well as a mum I also became the full time carer for my disabled son. My daughter and a child while she was still young and despite our help she wanted her own kid of lifestyle and out that before the needs of he daughter and we then became full time grandparents. We don't regret that decision apart from we should have done it sooner. 3 years ago we lost our son. Illnesses and disabilities became to much for his body to cope with and although we could see him become weaker it was still a shock. We were all broken. A few months later my granddaughter became a victim of a sexual assault. At the same time I was also helping my mum as my dad was unwell with what we thought was depression but it turned out far more serious and he passed away a few weeks later. We did our best to try and go on with life and I got a job again but it turned out I dreaded going in every day.as some of the people were horrible. Last year we lost our family dog. He was just the sweetest and definitely my soul dog. It was an was only 10. We were all broken again. At the end of last year my granddaughter while out with friends took some drugs and had a seizure. We thought it would be a one off but nope. Many hospital visits and stays as well as other problems have been ongoing. My husband and granddaughter then thought it was a good idea to get a new pup. I went along with it even though I didn't really want to and omg I wish I didn't. He is full on and also quite fearful when out and about and doesn't like to be alone. A couple of months ago mydaughter passed away. We hadn't seen her in a while but knew she had problems with drugs. Again it has been tough. Between that and looking after my granddaughter I have been off work. I am now at the end of my tether with everything. Granddaughter who is just angry all the time, husband who says he will help with things but doesn't bother and sits and plays games or reads books when he is not at work and a pup who is driving me crazy. The house is a mess as I can't get peace from the pup to do anything and mum is being a pain in the backside too. I know everyone is struggling with everything that has happened these past few years but I just don't know how much I can take. I have now started self harming, I don't know why I just do it. I have meds from the docs but I don't want to take them. Maybe if I become ill enough then I won't have to deal with everything here