AIO that I think my boyfriend might be emotionally cheating?
My boyfriend (M25) was away for a few days for a sports tournament and met this girl (F21) through a colleague’s daughter’s friend group. I’m F25. She knows he has a girlfriend (me).
According to him, she “trauma dumped” on him about how her dad died and how her mom is crazy. He said he felt obligated to help her because she’s young and apparently hooking up with guys 10 years older than her, including one guy on his team who talks down about her and grossly objectifies her. He says that’s why he asked about her hookups and told her she deserves better.
But the whole thing feels off to me.
They were texting throughout the days of the
tournament and continued after he got home. The conversations weren’t just occasional replies either — they were giving each other updates about their days and asking each other what they were up to.
Some of their texts included:
He asked her if she hooked up with a certain guy.
She replied saying no, only because she was on her period.
He later told her she “deserves better than the losers she hooks up with.”
She said she missed hanging out with him and his friends.
He replied “excuse to come visit?”
She said “yeah it’ll be so fun visiting you and your girlfriend.”
She also told him she was watching soccer “for him” even though she hates soccer.
He responded “that’s so cute” and used a nickname for her.
What also bothers me is how this started.
The day before I saw the texts, I asked who she was because I noticed he followed her on Instagram and she popped up in my suggested follows. He told me she “wasn’t important” and was just someone he became acquaintances with at the tournament.
Meanwhile, he had actually been texting her that day and continued texting her afterward.
Then the next day I saw a notification from her pop up on his phone. I asked about her again and he initially lied/minimized how much they were talking. Only after I asked him again did he admit they had actually been texting consistently throughout the tournament and after he got home.
I then asked to see the messages and he hesitated before showing me.
I understand wanting to help someone going through a hard time, but the conversations feel emotionally intimate asking about her sex life. He also just met her that weekend. They met on a Friday and he got home on the Tuesday and they were still texting, until I noticed and said something. With the lying/downplaying, the texting, and the personal conversations about her sex life.
I can’t tell if I’m overreacting or if this crosses normal relationship boundaries.
Would you consider this emotional cheating/inappropriate, or does this sound like not a big deal? How do I navigate whether I should leave. Am I overreacting?