She (32F) unmatched me (34M) and nuked a locked in weekend date because I took 3-4 hours to reply. Did I game myself, or did she overreact?
Hey everyone, looking for a brutal reality check on an interaction that completely blew up yesterday. I need to know if I’m the idiot here or if I dodged a bullet.
I matched with a girl on Hinge last Tuesday here in NZ. The chemistry right out of the gate was palpable even though, I know, you shouldn't get yourself get carried away too much on text. We weren't doing the usual dry small talk. The vibe felt actually high potential. By Tuesday when we matched, we had a concrete date - time and place - scheduled.
Yesterday (saturday) morning, I was working a labor shift (I run a small gardening business) which I'd already told her about the night before that I'd be working in the morning. We'd planned the date for 430pm. While I was driving to the job site, I get a hinge message notification from her. She then sends me these long, vulnerable walls of texts for the next few hours saying how she woke up with a cold and headache and didn't want to pass on anything to me, asking if we could reschedule for tomorrow, but if I couldn't make it she'd be happy to follow our plans and go as she really wanted to see me. This was followed by a short voice message, then another text saying scratch everything, that she was going to see me but a bit later as she'd taken medication but wanted to nap after the date.
Instead of just firing off a quick, casual update, I overthought it. I wanted to craft a decent, high quality response as I really was interested in her and looking forward to the date. I probably fell into the dating app trap of trying to space out my reply to not look desperate. Because I was focusing on my work and over analyzing my response, about 3 hours passed without me sending anything. I did go back and forth drafting a message but I never sent anything as I wanted to get off work first as it hadn't been an easy morning.
By around noon, I opened the app, and the chat was gone. She had unmatched me and nuked our locked in date without a single warning text or check in.
I’m stuck in a massive head spin over this. On one hand: I know I played a bit of a text game by intentionally delaying my reply, and that backfired on me. On the other hand: It was a saturday morning. She knew I was working. She works in healthcare so she knows what its like to be tied up. People have lives, jobs, and errands. Turning down a confirmed, highly anticipated date over a 3 hour communication gap feels like a massive, hyper-anxious overreaction.
Did my attempt at playing it high value cause this, or is a 3 hour delay on a weekend workday a normal thing that a stable person should be able to tolerate?
I don't usually get rattled by this sort of stuff from dating apps. Been in the field for a while now. But, man, this one stings when there did seem to be potential. The ironic thing is she'd complained about the dating app bar being low and having had many ugly experiences.
Her messages as follows:
Hey sooooo I woke up with a nasty cold and headache today. I would definitely hate to pass on anything to you. Was there any possibility we could maybe meet tomorrow instead?
If today is the only day for you. Happy to get out and come nd I am really keen on meeting you, just want to be able to give you all my attention without a headache
[Voice Message - 00:09]
So scratch my message. I’ll meet you today cause I got my medication so it’s all good. Can we just do a little bit later say 5pm? That way I can get a nap in after the medication?