I feel like quitting everything?
I really need advice.
I’m a first time mom and my baby turned one in May. This past year has been the worst year of my life, and it has nothing to do with my amazing baby but every other aspect of my life.
My husband is an only child and his parents decided to disown him when our baby was one month old because we didn’t move closer to them. We lived near my family and where my job is. My husband works remote. The emotional manipulation eventually got to him and we moved when my baby was 5 months old. I moved a 5 hr plane ride away from my family, who have expressed unconditional love to my husband and child, away from all my friends and my workplace just so my husband and his family can stop being miserable. I returned to work remotely because my workplace was so accommodating and understanding, and I had my baby with me in the beginning until it was unsustainable and I enrolled him in part time daycare while I try to work a full time job while he’s in daycare and when he sleeps. I’m never caught up with work. I’m tired. I don’t want to lose out on this time with my baby. My husband helps in everything from parenting to housework. But he’s really more a labourer who does his fair share and I’m the one who does the mental labour - figuring out what all our dinners, our babies meals, pack him things he needs for daycare, etc. I also do the night wakings because my baby doesn’t accept my husband at night. He wakes up with me in solidarity but honestly it’s just annoying half the time. I feel supported but exhausted, and unable to achieve any of my goals. I visit my family every 2/2.5 ish months and have to take time off work to do that because I don’t have childcare during the day when my parents are at work. I’m worried about my parents emotional wellbeing, they try so hard to host us well and it can be such a huge load. My parents place also doesn’t have enough bedrooms for all of us, but we stay there because it would break their heart if we stayed at a hotel and financially we also just can’t afford that. I have to sneak into the room after my baby is in deep sleep so that I don’t wake him up. Sometimes I sleep on the couch. Which is fine if it weren’t for my brothers going in and out of the house all the time. The constant noise. I have asked a million time for them to be quiet but they just don’t get it. They don’t understand that I literally don’t get sleep.
Meanwhile my husband is on his own resting and doing his thing. Sleeping in. Sleeping during the day. Going out. Yea I know it’s petty but I resent it.
And my in laws? Their “help” is just not worth it half the time wfor me. And I don’t enjoy their company on a social level. So that’s that.
I’m tired. I look back at this year and it makes me so sad. I have an incredible child and I missed out on this year because of all the other bs.
I don’t know what to do. I feel empty and like I want to give up, I don’tz know what is going on with my career, relationship, motherhood.