Finally free.
So after 5 years of fighting to be what my wife and her kid wanted/needed last week my freedom began. We split up and the first 7 days were hell on me. But about 2 days ago I felt the less stress I have ever felt in years. Like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. No more having to always be chosen LAST. My living situation/finances DESTROYED at the moment but let me tell you I have never felt more grateful in my LIFE. The Hell is over. I still have half my 20s left (thank god) but I do wish I realized that trying to "fight" for a feeling or approval was never going to work. I just wasnt the bio dad, my opinions were just annoying what I wanted didn't matter, what the real dad wanted always did. I wasnt trying to replace anyone just be respected as a partner and a stepfather but I wasnt even rumored in that regard after about a year into marriage. Honestly id rather spend life alone than feel like that way again. No more roping me back in after hurtful arguments and she tells me she doesn't want to see me. This is the last one thank God. If your on the fence and something doesn't feel "right" trust your gut instinct. If I had done that all along life would have worked out wayyyy better. Anyways Cheers maybe it can work for some people but it's not for me. She's getting her wish and finally pushed me away. But the shattering argument surprisingly happened out of the blue the same week where her baby daddy was getting married someone shes had troubles/been obsessed with far longer than I've been in the picture. I wonder if there's a correlation with an emotional outburst? I mean the dudes been married 3 times on th3 span of our relationship so hopefully the kid isn't to messed up for all the people entering and exiting their life.