u/Accomplished-Name845

its been about 7 years since im addicted to porn, when i was around 15 i used to do it every damned day, barely feeling any shame only to regret it all afterwards, and yet somehow i was able to separate my addiction from my high school, making friends and enjoying life, but when im left alone I had a high chance of submitting to my addiction. At 17 or 18 years old i have had enough of it and limited myself to only once per week, and it has stayed like that ever since and yet i still feel so disappointed because sometime i do twice per week which absolutely destroys my mental health, but my life still goes on, spending time with friends and family and savouring every moment of it just so i can remind myself of how far i have come “why should i throw it all away, look around yourself, you are better than the ones who willingly submit to their addictions”, and yet when i do it once per week, my mind goes absolute hell on myself just trying to tear myself apart. Its just a constant cycle of relapse and trying to calm myself, even if its just for 1 week i can never forgive myself. I’ve tried so many things like extensions that block certain words, installing orion on my iphone just so it can block those as well. But its never enough, i can just turn off my extensions, i can just use safari because i cant uninstall it from my phone. I tried some game that promote self betterment like Grace from Roblox, when i played that game i always felt better for myself sometime i even play that game just to read the notes of the game to remind myself to be better, but since the developers of the game got into controversy, it broke me even more because i trusted in them and their words, why should i listen to them when they cant even do what they preach for? Im currently 19 now and im having a great time in university, but when it comes to doing it once per week, i just cant seem to maintain my sanity. I really want this to stop, i want to break out of this cycle, but im too scared to restrain so much just to fall so high and crash even harder. I know its only humane to do such thing, but it breaks me so much.