u/Accomplished-Pear885

Hi, im eset major at Texas A&M, and I am done trying to get an internship. It's too late, and I want to drop out. My high impact experience is screwed. I tried every single year at the career fair and literally put effort. It means nothing, and there is no reason for me to even try. I had multiple interview at toshiba and have to call them to tell me I didn't get the job. That day, I was so angry and sad. I yelled at the front desk people because I wanted to drop out, and later that night, I went on the roof trying to kill myself . I keep being told it will get better, and it isn't. There is no hope, and even if I kill myself, no one would even care. I so angry and sad. I am a failure. I never had anything good in my life. My parents were abusive pieces of shit that kicked me out and made me homeless. I had to couch hopped to survive and even after all of my effort it result in nothings. Now I'm going to be in crippling debt, and suicide is the ONLY WAY OUT. It all because I thought texas A&M could provide a good future. That was fucking joke and btw I doing well in all of my classes. I see everyone with there happy little family and im here alone. I am alone and I am nothing. I hated myself and I stopped taking my med. I feel like there nothing good in my life. I have friends who got internship really easily and have a secure family. I am so jealous. I hate that I feel that way. I hate that I can't have peace of mind. I can't even sleep anymore because it's just a nightmare of my parent abusing me. You know what I hate is my face because I am a ugly person that will never find anyone to care about me. This skin tone i was born with I hate it. This voice I was born with I hate it. I can't even excersise anymore because I don't like myself. I see my best friend living his best life in college and I am here struggling. I never had a good day at texas A&M. The only day will be happy is when i am dead. I feel like no one want me around and I have to force my way into people friend group to hang out. I feel like I haven't made a genuine friend here. The friend I have don't even care about me. Maybe the universe is telling me that I should die.