Miserable in my marriage, staying for my 18-month-old, but I don’t know how much longer I can do this. Need advice.
I (28F) have been married to my husband (30M) for 4 years; we’ve been together for 6 total. In the beginning, things were great. He loved me intensely. Truthfully, I was never super attracted to him, but I had been deeply hurt in past relationships where my love wasn’t reciprocated. When he showered me with affection, I decided "this is it" and married him.
When we met, he had a normal job. My parents actually put a down payment on a condo for me as a wedding gift so we’d have a place to live and pay the mortgage together. Around the time we married, he landed a high-paying job. Ever since the money started rolling in, his entire demeanor changed.
He acts like a hotshot, constantly making vain comments about how good-looking he is and telling me how lucky I am to be with him. He has become short-tempered and blames me for everything. If we encounter traffic on the way to a restaurant we mutually chose, he screams at me as I if I caused traffic. He constantly downgrades me, he’x mentioned that I’m not that good looking and that I “live off him.”
While he pays the bills, he hates spending money on me but loves spending it on himself. He drives a 2024 BMW M4, while he made me drive a 2012 car. He is also incredibly messy, and despite countless conversations, I am always cleaning up after him.
I thought about leaving him before, but right when I decided to, I found out I was pregnant. I stayed to make it work. Our son is now 18 months old. My husband is a provider, but he does zero parenting or housework. He believes men make money and women do everything else. He works, goes to the gym, hangs out with friends, and lives his life. I recently went back to work, so now I am working, cooking, cleaning, doing the daycare runs, and staying up at night because our son is a poor sleeper. Everything falls on me.
He loves our son and plays with him for 5–10 minutes, but he has no patience. If our son throws a tantrum, my husband gets very upset and has screamed a few times.
Strangely, he still hugs me and complains that I don't show him affection. It's true—I don't. My body literally rejects him. Sex hurts, and we only do it once every few months. I am not asexual and I crave love, I just do not want it with him. I am not cheating. I feel like we are just "best friends" stuck together by 6 years of attachment. I’m confused why he even stays when we have no sexual relationship. I love my husband but it’s more so because we are family not as my lover.
I am miserable and think about leaving all the time. But financially, life is secure, and I know being a single mom will be incredibly hard. I also always wanted 3 kids. Sometimes I think I should just have one more baby with him so my son has a sibling. But I know 100% of the work will fall on me. So I’m avoiding it even though he keeps mentioning having a 2nd baby.
Should I just be miserable my whole life for the sake of my kid? I would appreciate any advice.
Marriage counselling is not an option because he’s very fake infront of people & wouldn’t be real with the therapist. I asked him to go for therapy and he did one session and said “I’m cured”
tl;dr need advice on marriage - do I leave or stay.