18 year old infidelity was just disclosed
My wife of 20 years just disclosed that she was unfaithful to me 18 years ago. She had a 9 month affair with a co-worker.
At the time our marriage was strained. Neither of us were meeting each other's needs, neither of us knew how to communicate that to the other. Both of us were miserable, both of us wanted out but neither had the courage to say it. I say this for context, not to justify her actions
I had always been suspicious. I discovered that the two of them were calling each other when it was happening. I confronted her, she admitted to emotional infidelity but swore that nothing physical had happened between them. She ended it with him, stayed with me. I've asked her about it a few times over the years, she always maintained that there was nothing physical.
Last week she finally gave it up. Admitted that she was sleeping with him for 9 months. Had him in our bed.
In the 18 years since she has been faithful to me. I believe this 100%. We have built a family and a life togther. 3 teenage kids, own a home. Two weeks ago I would have said our relationship was the best it has ever been, we were genuinely happy together. Meeting eachothers needs, supporting one another. Looked like a fairytale marriage, one that would last forever.
The disclosure of the infidelity has hit me like a freight train. As much as I still love this woman, I know that I'll never be able to forgive her, and I worry that I will never get over it and resentment will develop.
She is just as torn up as I am. Says she will do anything to prove her love for me. I don't doubt her. We have booked a couples counselling appointment.
My heart wants it work, but rationally I know that I should walk away. The betrayal is so deep, I don't know how I could ever trust her again.
I am simultaneously afraid that I'll never get over what she did, but also that I'll never be able to get over her.
I am so conflicted in this moment.