u/AccomplishedEgg1008

I see so many posts here that follow a similar pattern. Partners of PAs are unaware of the addiction, their partners are generally wonderful people, good partners and attentive parents.

Then D day happens and it is absolutely devastating and heartbreaking. PAs promise to change, partners try to get over the hurt and betrayal. It’s a long and arduous road for both.

My question is: if your partners were the wonderful people that they are, but you knew about the porn addiction at the beginning, would you have left?

I’m stuck in a situation where I’ve met a wonderful man, loving, kind and stable but he has a compulsion with porn and masturbation. Is being a wonderful person aside from the addiction enough? I struggle to answer this question and would love to hear the advice from partners who are dealing with a PA.

I (30F) just got into a new relationship with my boyfriend (38M) we’ve been together for about two months and things have been great, besides the sex. From the first time we had sex, he had trouble getting hard, staying hard and finishing. He told me it was because he’s on antidepressants, and needs to take medication to get hard to have sex. Fast forward a few more weeks, he’s on ED meds and it doesn’t work either. He gets hard but still cannot finish. He then comes clean and tells me he has a masturbation issue, along with watching excessive porn. This opened up a old deep wound for me, for my ex boyfriend had the same issue and would constantly make me feel terrible that he couldn’t come, and I later found out that he had a bad masturbation and porn addiction, that devastated our sex life.

I asked my new boyfriend directly, whether this is something he plans on changing. He said yes, he hates that he has this compulsion and is actively working on it. The sex got better for a few weeks, it still took him a long time to come (one hour) but it was an improvement.

Yesterday, we had sex and couldn’t come even after three hours. We tried again later in the day and again, he couldn’t come even after an hour. Throughout the two sessions, he kept coming up with possible reasons why. His sinuses were acting up, the weather was too hot, the ED meds were not working. I’ve seen this pattern before, in my ex-boyfriend where he’d find many other reasons to avoid the fact that it was a masturbation issue. I asked my new boyfriend whether he’s been masturbating more and he said yes, and got a bit sheepish. He said he’s gonna do a cleanse and that he wants to stop, but he can’t seem to stop.

To all partners and ex-partners of PA, does it ever get better? An addiction to porn/masturbation is definitely a deal breaker for me. But I don’t know whether it’s too early to call it quits or whether I should give him more time to get better.