u/AccomplishedPut8156

I think there’s a huge possibility I have BD. I’m 20 (f) and there’s a reason I never got it diagnosed. When I was 14 I decided I really wanted to be a fighter pilot. I’m now a rising Junior in NROTC and I think diagnosis would make my life a lot more bearable (especially if I can stop trying to end it). I know it will disqualify me from the military completely but I’ve spent a year having crazy successful days, weeks, and sometimes months, and then I’ll have a random period of time where I hurt myself, isolate, and try multiple times to take my life and 90% of the time I don’t really realize what I’m trying to do to myself until I’m already in the car, already bleeding, or already putting myself in danger.

However, I am more than halfway done with a criminal justice degree. I want to finish is and use it to make lives better.

My question is am I going to be able to do anything at all with this if I’m diagnosed?

I’m at a senior military college. I’m a sophomore and my time here started out great. I had super high grades, good pt scores, now I’m on crutches, horrible grades, and I lied on a slip for being sick. My home life is falling apart and my friend died this semester. I’m doing my best to stay sane but I’m struggling mentally and it’s put me behind in school.

I want to be a fighter pilot and I have to be a fighter pilot. I’ve been flying since 14 and I’m not trying to brag but it’s seriously insane. I’m a child prodigy for it it’s my passion. What do I do? If I can’t be a pilot in the military I think I might actually die of heartbreak