r/bipolar1

I think there’s a huge possibility I have BD. I’m 20 (f) and there’s a reason I never got it diagnosed. When I was 14 I decided I really wanted to be a fighter pilot. I’m now a rising Junior in NROTC and I think diagnosis would make my life a lot more bearable (especially if I can stop trying to end it). I know it will disqualify me from the military completely but I’ve spent a year having crazy successful days, weeks, and sometimes months, and then I’ll have a random period of time where I hurt myself, isolate, and try multiple times to take my life and 90% of the time I don’t really realize what I’m trying to do to myself until I’m already in the car, already bleeding, or already putting myself in danger.

However, I am more than halfway done with a criminal justice degree. I want to finish is and use it to make lives better.

My question is am I going to be able to do anything at all with this if I’m diagnosed?

I was diagnosed over 20 years ago and this is not my first rodeo when it comes to a manic episode however this one is different.
I know I’m manic haven’t been sleeping as well past four days. Just staying up and then looking at the clock like oh crap it’s 1am. But I’m not like idk my normal manic self. I’m not shaky my mind isn’t racing, I’m not talking fast, I’m not highly agitated. But I have cleaned the house top to bottom deep cleaned the kitchen. Washed and bathed all four dogs and have been doing laundry all day. it’s like I just can’t sit still. I don’t understand what kind of mania this is. More importantly though and to my question, how do I get myself out of this?
I can’t afford to be manic at work (it’s a new job and I don’t have PTO yet) I can’t afford to mess stuff up at work.
Sorry I feel like I might be rambling. Any ideas are appreciated. Thanks

I am a 21 male, who's wanting to consume weed again with friends. Context, i have been stable two years now, I found the right medication right away, I also live a healthy lifestyle, incredibly active, eat decently good. But one thing my friends recently are doing is smoking weed. Now before my manic episode, I had taken edibles, smoked weed before and was fine. If anything smoking affected me less then edibles did.

My point is, that it was only when I smoked from a bong, consumed Ritalin, donated blood, had SSRI's, that it put me in my first manic episode. I know there are risk in doing it especially since after one manic episode the chances go up... But I also don't want to give up on doing stuff with my friends.

I bought a 5 pack of what the store clerk said was the lowest THC and more CBD that she could get; I also told her that it was my first time in 2 years so I want to be careful. She gave me the pack... Idk I guess I am hoping for reassurance. 

Hello I had a really bad episode of psychosis due to an ssri. Prior I had my medical marijuana card and smoked all year. I quit for 8 years prior because of focusing on abstinence from everything to see if that helped. I got diagnosed bipolar 1 after taking lexapro and it causing that episode, originally diagnosed MDD, ocd, cptsd, and general anxiety. It caused the two month long terrifying psychosis. I don’t think the weed had anything to do with it considering but I’ve abstained for 6 months while getting adjusted to my new meds. But I smoked for yeeeears and never had any issues. I’ve never smoked and heard voices or seen anything, had delusions etc. My psychosis was also primarily extreme delusions. I’m on vraylar and Lamictal now. I want to smoke again and have dabbled this week. I’ve had anxiety primarily at the fear of it ever happening again but overall I’ve noticed it helping with my overall mood. Just curious if anyone else has had the same experience and smoke weed? I always stay with indicas because I never enjoyed how sativa makes me feel also.

so recently i had a manic episode and all i’ve wanted to do since is feel the same way and get rid of my depression. i’m looking for a drug that makes you confident, talkative and happy. initiallly i thought molly or ket but i don’t know if molly makes you outgoing and confident, same with ketamine. someone help?

The cops had to put my clothes back on by force and took me to a hospital. It was really bad how quick it escalated. They were all judging me

For those who took/still taking Abilify monotherapy (no concomitant meds) for at least 6 weeks, how did it affect your overall sexual function?

View Poll

has anyone ever had a good experience on an antidepressant? i’ve taken sertraline and fluoxetine, but they both have induced mania. i’m seriously trying to get ahold of my OCD, which has been labeled as treatment resistant. I’m already starting ERP therapy because i’m a mom now and i don’t want my daughter to grow up with a mother with untreated OCD. i’m also currently on lamotrigine and i’m also currently cross tapering seroquel to olanzapine due to seroquel being way too sedating for me. if anyone also has advice on coming off seroquel that would be nice too since you’re already here 😭😂

I’m looking to hear from people that Caplyta didn’t help. If it worked for you, awesome, but I’m not really interested in hearing from you. I was on lithium for 9 months which made me a zombie. I could barely function. I’m only on caplyta now at 21 mg and still feel numb.

I am a divorced 46 year old and I have a 56 year old boyfriend of more than 3 years. He abused alcohol and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder before we met and went off his medication shortly after we met. He was fine the first 2 years but then starting having manic episodes. Over the past year, his mother and I have urged him to seek treatment but he does not feel the prior diagnosis was accurate and attributes the issues in the past to his alcoholism. He begrudgingly has seen a practitioner and been prescribed medication but did not take it. He recently saw another psychiatrist at his mom’s request but said they simply told him to recommit to AA which he has gotten away from when his manic episodes started. He broke up with me abruptly Monday night and I am struggling. I have supported and loved and adored him completely these past 3 years and I don’t know how I could have loved him more and I really believed that when he is not manic, I feel that from him. When we are together, it is magic. I am heartbroken and I need to know if he will wake up and come back. I haven’t reached out because I know I cannot reason with a manic mind, but I fear he will not come back to me. Does anyone have any advice? I have never posted anything like this before and created an account here just to do this because I don’t want to talk to friends or family because I don’t want him to be looked at in a bad way. My circle of people are very protective and I am afraid they will view him differently because I am hurting so much.

I’ve been on lexapro for six weeks. 10mg two weeks 20mg four weeks. About a week and a half ago I had five days where I felt great. I could get out of bed I felt really good about myself happy etc then it went away… now I feel ocd rumination I’m spirilanimg obsessing I can’t sleep well and yeah. I feel like shit. I also did spent 150$ at Ulta but idk. That’s about it. I don’t feel happy or on top of the world or anything. Anyways even if I’m not manic what the actual hell is happening to me. I feel like this medication is not working!

My sister (32) has what we believe is undiagnosed bipolar disorder. I say “undiagnosed” because she refuses to accept that she is ill. She was hospitalized once, but after being discharged, she stopped taking the medication she had been prescribed.
It is incredibly difficult to explain what this journey has been like. I know many of us here are living through similar experiences. I don’t know what goes on inside her mind. I have wanted so badly to understand, but I’ve come to realize that some parts of it may simply be impossible for me to understand.
If you have a family member with bipolar disorder, you experience a very pure kind of pain. It is such a raw pain that you truly begin to understand what helplessness feels like. You notice the enormous gap between the everyday problems people around you talk about and the grief and helplessness you carry every single day.
Your parents’ hope, your own hope, becomes tied to whether your loved one will ever become well again. And then there is the hopelessness that follows. It is so hard. So incredibly hard.
Reading other people’s stories helps because it reminds me that I am not the only person in the world living with this fear. For a moment, I don’t feel so alone. But then I remember that my loved one is irreplaceable, and I realize that, in many ways, this is still a very lonely journey.
You find yourself wishing for a magic wand—something that could touch them and make everything okay again.
Having a family member with bipolar disorder affects each of us differently. For me, it came in the form of an anxiety disorder and major depression. Our life stories are all different, but at the very core, we share the same pain: the helplessness of watching someone you love slowly disappear into an illness you cannot see.
My prayers are with all of you. I truly hope for healing and peace for every family here. I also hope we can continue filling this space with kindness, support, and stories that remind each other that we are not alone.

Tldr at the bottom

For context, I'm bipolar 1 (with psychosis) but used to be diagnosed with schizophrenia. I would say I'm generally a literal person, however I don't have adhd or autism (was tested). Anyway, I tend to talk about things in my life in a literal way, and I don't really know how to be positive about my life experience or grateful for the good things, even though a lot of people also go through horrible things that are even worse than what I went through.

Sometimes I feel like I'm in a personal hell, because there seems to be no end to my bad luck and I know that is a self centered (at best) way to view the world but I really feel like I'm being mind controlled and people outside my perception are real but also part of a dream, and I keep having nightmares in waking life so to speak.

I've been tested by psychologists and psychiatrists and they say I don't have a personality disorder, but my mom says I have a "bad personality". She is the main person I vent to as I don't have any friends, she tries to comfort me but I trigger her really badly. I don't have the people reading ability to really know if I should continue being honest about my problems to other people, and I avoid being social because I have nothing else to talk about besides my issues and self confidence and mental health. I don't make my mental health issues my "personality" but it's a big part of me because I had 10 hospitalizations and lost my youth and cognition to this illness.

I thrive when people are similar to me, a bit downerish and enjoy when they are also open about their problems, and I guess I project that onto everyone. I'm only realizing now that most people have their head screwed on straight and don't like to be vented to.

I don't dominate conversations, and I know everything is energy, but people don't really do social ping pong with me, especially my mom. I noticed this with "friends" I had in the past as well. Like I always had to take their venting but I could never do the same.

I don't like to hear venting because I want to feel superior (I tried to search on reddit for why people love venting to them to get a feel of those on my side), I guess for me, it's because I love to feel not alone and like I'm socializing.

I know it's a vampriric behaviour to vent and I'm into energy healing and spirituality (that's not psychosis it's a real thing) but I just get weirdly energized when people are also self aware enough to be engrossed in their personal hell as well? Like the feeling of not being alone is like a drug because it feels like I finally got a piece of the puzzle of why my personal human experience is so shit.

Anyway, tldr;

bipolar 1 used to be dx'd schizophrenia, 10 psychotic episodes, mom gets pissed off when i vent, i never socialized much so i wonder, do people like hearing others vent? i dont socialize much out of my mom, and have no friends and a lot of social issues due to a myriad of reasons i wont list, but mental health is part of it. I just automatically assumed people didn't mind if I was honest about my shitty life but I'm starting to realize that maybe people don't want to hear it and i projected my own social kinda bonding style on them. Is it common for people to not want to hear negativity? i'm not socialized enough to know (btw dont have adhd or autism, i was tested) Which is more common, to get energized by venting or to hate it and want people to keep their dirty laundry to themselves?

I went through my second episode and it was hell. Now I’m in a weird state where I still feel like everything is synchronized and people are talking about me. It’s uncomfortable 24/7 and the depression doesn’t help at all. I’m on klonopin, olanzapine, and depakote. It feels like this has happened to me 11 times over. All I know to do is just keep staying quiet and barely moving even with my family. The more I go through it the more I believe it but I know I shouldn’t. It seems like there’s help that I need that I’ll never find. It seems like there’s words that I need to use in conversation that I can’t ever find because I can’t play the word games the “ try to avoid the point “ conversations. And I’m the point. It feels like I have clout that the government or people or someone is trying to hide from me and yet somehow still make me into this legend story. Still let me have it. Just go eventually put me in prison teach me a lesson. But I’m no legend. Atleast not yet. All I know is whatever they want I doubt they’ll get and I’ll end up dead. Maybe. This group has gotten me through a lot so we’ll see how it goes. I make music and if I have clout I’d like to just use it for that I want to go platinum and have fans that I can encourage to do better with their lives and strive for greatness. I made and album the first go round after psychosis called psychosis that I want to put out but if you ask me the higher ups are keeping me from getting a job to support myself but they’re eventually going to drain my bank accounts anyway. So I can’t make the money. Not yet. It feels like if I post this they’re gonna somehow call me crazy enough to put me back in the hospital and idk how that would go but I know it would be scary. Some encouraging words would be greatly appreciated. Love you guys. Forever 🖤

I ghost people, so texting them I’m sad and don’t have energy to text them back helps. I just copy paste a premade message.

I also tell my work family and health stuff came up. Not mental health.

For manic episodes, going out at night is dangerous, so staying home or nearby is helpful

Im having a window of clarity right now but it’s bad. My impulse control has completely vanished, im making HORRIBLE decisions and could potentially ruin my life if I continue.

I was in the process of getting a diagnosis back in 2019. I had a therapist for over a year (the longest I ever with a therapist) and she said I check all of the bipolar disorder and we were talking about medication when I lost my insurance.

I’m broke. The only coping mechanism I have is weed and it’s failing me. I don’t know what to do.

No meditation recommendations.. I’ve done that enough.

Does anyone have any recommendations on how to get over the shame of a manic episode?

It was Prime Day for 4 days at Amazon.

I’m currently manic (bipolar 1). I didn’t go too crazy but I did buy a $120 blanket (it’s currently 91 degrees), a new living room coffee table and a $24 box of chocolate.

This is nothing compared to past episodes where I’ve spent thousands of dollars but I’m wondering if anyone else with bipolar is in a precarious situation with the sale weekend at big box stores like Amazon and Target?

Im 25m and I just got diagnosed today and im having a hard time with it it has me almost to the point of tears and I was just wondering if anyone else has dealt with this and how you got thought it