r/bipolar1

So interesting thing. I was manic a few months ago or maybe it was one month ago. I’m not sure. It’s kind of blurry tbh. I was not sleeping much(around maybe 3 hours a night or so)and I was seeing and hearing things that weren’t there and thinking things that were not real. I haven’t had those symptoms in a few weeks but I’m still not sleeping much. Though some nights I think I sleep more than 3 hours it’s just broken sleep. I think I slept like 6 hours last night but I think I woke up a few times during it. Anyway I am full of energy all day. Though it’s not when I first wake up. I can sit in bed for a minute and I just think about how grateful I am to have the life I have. How privileged I am to be here and have a job and stuff. When I get up and get dressed or shower or anything though I get the energy and start having the thoughts of how amazing everything is. Like I feel like nothing bad will EVER happen to me and that I can do whatever I want. I get really hyper and giggle often. The main thoughts I have though are in relation to social justice. I feel like I HAVE to do something for those who can’t. That it’s my mission from God or the universe or something above me. I have been fighting for what’s right in different ways. Making sure it’s known on social media. I have been talking to people a lot on TikTok trying to get them to see the truth. My therapist said this is trending into grandiosity or whatever. I think I have just discovered my new passion. I cared a lot about social justice before, but now it’s all consuming. It’s something I HAVE to help with. What if I just found my passion in life?

I started Zoloft about a month ago and immediately my appetite left. For the past week though, I have been having intense restlessness, thoughts going so fast I can’t put words to them, fear, pressure in my chest, and a sense of doom. It comes in waves throughout the day and gets worse at night. I also feel mentally paralyzed when the thoughts are going this fast, like I can’t organize them or get them out.
My mood has also been unstable and I’ve been in a really negative space. I’m scared for everyone—my kids, myself, and my partner. I’m not having thoughts of hurting myself or anyone else, but I feel extremely overwhelmed and frightened by how intense this is.
Sleep is fine, although I’m also on several medications that are sedating. I’m currently taking Abilify, lamotrigine, gabapentin (which I have been abusing because of the anxiety), and Focalin.
I’m wondering what this could be and whether the Zoloft could be causing some kind of activation or mixed symptoms, even though I’m still sleeping okay. I’m also wondering whether I need a change in my mood stabilizer or something like lithium, which my doctor seems determined to get me on.

I have Bipolar I, and I think I just figured out something important about how my episodes affect me. I haven’t had an episode since i was originally diagnosed.

I realized that my insight can remain surprisingly intact while my judgment is impaired.

During my recent mixed/manic symptoms, I became involved with a guy who objectively has a ridiculous number of risk factors. He carries a weapon (idk if i can say what it is here), has a history of reckless racing/speeding, reports hearing voices AND lying to doctors about it for fear of involuntary hospitalization and getting his license for his weapon taken away, has a lot of demon/occult stuff going on, and has a complicated history with sex addiction/porn. We also became emotionally intense incredibly quickly over the span of a week/week and a half

To be fair, I really could’ve gone about things differently but we hadn’t established exclusivity and i guess he assumed we had set those expectations of each other before even meeting. right before we met, i thought he was standing me up and i immediately reacted by having reckless unprotected sex in a parking lot (very much unlike me). when he found out after we met, he went on a whole thing about me crossing his boundaries.

Looking back, yes, I could’ve handled that differently but also having girlfriend expectations of me before even meeting is very fast and intense, which shouldn’t be surprising on top of his other red flags.

The weird thing is: **I saw all of the red flags.**

I wasn’t thinking, “There’s nothing concerning here.” I could literally list every red flag and explain why each one was concerning.

I just **didn’t care**.

I still seriously considered him as a potential partner.

A friend with bipolar basically looked at me like I had lost my mind and described us as two different species: he’s a raccoon/possum and I’m a princess.

She asked whether any part of me thought this was remotely a bad idea, and my answer was genuinely “yes and no.” That’s when she told me this was exactly when I needed to use my prescribed PRN antipsychotic.

Now that I’m taking the PRN antipsychotic and coming down, I think I finally understand.

The facts haven’t changed.

**My reaction to the facts has.**

I’m starting to look at the exact same situation and think, *Wait. Why was I treating any of this as acceptable and normal?*

Apparently, for me, impaired judgment doesn’t necessarily feel like being irrational. It can feel completely logical because I still recognize the danger—I just don’t give the danger its normal weight.

At the same time, I still carry so much guilt about sleeping with someone else. He said the voices don’t trust me and that they’re always right. If I were not in a mixed state, I don’t think I would have lashes out but at the same time WE HADNT EVEN MET IN PERSON YET. the only thing that i had made clear was that he was more than just sex for me before even meeting.

I truthfully feel horrendous about this but it also seems incredibly intense for only having interacted for about a week plus the other red flags.

so—am i the asshole here?

To give context, my brother (31) was diagnosed with bipolar when he was 18 and I was 15. Since this past May, he’s been in a severe manic episode. My parents and I have done everything we can possibly think of to help him—he’s been to the psych ward, he’s taking medication, etc but nothing is helping. He honestly seems worse than before. He’s had about 8 manic episodes since he was 18 and has been hospitalized about 9/10 times so this isn’t our first rodeo but for some reason, he’s not getting better this time around. I need help. I need community that understands what I’m going through. What do you recommend? Can you relate?

Hello fellow bipolar rollers - has anyone had positive experience with ECT? I feel like I’m in a pinball machine full of things that haven’t worked and getting pretty desperate - curious to see if it might help and what people’s experience with ECT has been like? 🤪 Am currently on sertraline, quetiapine and lamotrigine ❤️ Lots of love and care to exactly how things are for you right now 🫂😌❤️

Have anyone here, diagnosed with bipolar 1, had a good experience of trying mushrooms? To help with depression and/or social anxiety?

have any of you guys ever been on remeron/ mirtzapine before and if so what were your results ?

My brother (26M) had his first manic episode 2 months ago, and it was a terrible experience. When I realized what was happening, I immediately flew to be with him, but he was like a completely different person—someone I didn’t recognize at all. I was terrified. I couldn’t convince him to go to the hospital, and I had no authority over him. Somehow, my uncle came from another city and took him to the hospital against his will, and he stayed there for 2 weeks. He was diagnosed with Bipolar I disorder.
Before this, he had been diagnosed with dysthymic disorder and had been depressed almost constantly since adolescence. The hospitalization was extremely traumatic for my family and me. The hospital where he stayed was a terrible place, and he never regained insight during those 2 weeks. They eventually discharged him, but he refused to take his medications and insisted that he wasn’t ill. He put me through some very painful psychological experiences. I know he wasn’t himself at the time, but I still cry when I remember it. I was so scared.
Despite everything, I didn’t let my family see how much it affected me. I tried to stay focused on finding solutions and constantly researched everything I could. I’m also a medical student, so I regularly talk to psychiatrists and professors in psychiatry.
When my brother refused his medications, he quickly had another psychotic episode. That was also terrifying, but because it was a mixed episode, he was more emotional and could recognize that something was wrong. He started taking his medications regularly, and he has now been on lithium and olanzapine for about 1.5 months.
But I’m so anxious that I constantly wait for him to fall asleep and write down the times he goes to sleep and wakes up. He doesn’t fully realize how important these things are. I try to control everything—his medication times, his sleep schedule, even how much tea or coffee he drinks in the evening. This is exhausting me, but my parents also have chronic health conditions, so I always feel responsible and feel like I have to put myself forward and take care of everything.
I’m constantly researching “What triggers mania?” and trying to keep him away from every possible trigger.
But now my university is starting, and I have to return to the city where I study. My brother lives with my parents and our other sibling. I’m leaving in a week, and I’m terrified that something will go wrong when I’m not there and that he won’t be careful enough.
Psychologically, I’ve been deeply shaken by everything that happened. There was a moment when my own brother looked into my eyes so coldly and said he wanted to kill me, and I genuinely felt like my life was over. I thought I was going to die.
I don’t know what to do anymore. Am I obsessing over the details too much, or am I actually doing the right thing?
Are there people here who have been through something similar and can share their experiences? For those with Bipolar I who have remained euthymic/stable for years, what do you do to stay well? What does your routine look like? How much do you actually monitor sleep, medications, caffeine, stress, etc.?
I would really appreciate hearing from people with lived experience.
Btw, my brother's current medications: litium+olanzipin+lamictal(new)

I got diagnosed with bipolar 1 when I was 18. I’m 22 now and I’m just now realizing my diagnosis. I didn’t believe it when I was first diagnosed. I tried medication, but believed it was doing nothing, so I stopped after about a year. I thought I was misdiagnosed and that I was fine. Looking back now, I’m really just realizing that all my mood swings, my crazy up and downs, are really just this disorder that I was diagnosed with and have been living with unmedicated. It’s affected every aspect of my life, and I’ve been a horrible person at times because of it and who I am. I’m reaching out to get help today. I think if I keep on the way I am, I’m not going to have any relationships at the end. I’m not a good friend, significant other, or daughter. I realize that every day and I’m really just wanting to change that. I don’t want to do the crazy shit I’ve been doing, and I don’t want to feel as sad as I’ve been. I’m just tired of it, and I just want to be myself. I want to be who I want to be, and not the way I am now. I feel like I’m going insane, but I just scheduled my first psychiatrist appointment since the past 3 years. I don’t know what the point of this post was, I just feel that I needed to put this somewhere. I just want to be better than I have been. How do you know your current medication is working? If you also experience bipolar disorder, how is being medicated different than being unmedicated? How do you tell a difference?

How long can mania last? Can a person experience a series of tragic events within a relatively short period of time without having enough time to process or recover from one before being hit with another, until eventually they become completely overwhelmed and experience full-blown psychosis? Almost like the brain never gets a chance to breathe before being thrown into another traumatic experience, until eventually both the mind and body hit a brick wall?

I cannot fully and wholeheartedly accept that I have bipolar and have to live with this condition my whole life. Even when taking the meds, getting the sleep, working out and staying sober, I still have episodes and SI and the aftermath of several serious episodes.

My support system is my parents and they've said that they're too old for this shit (fully blown manic episodes) and I can't rely on my siblings for support or anyone else in the family.

I turn manic when I start dating someone I like and they leave, telling me that I should have disclosed earlier or that we're not far enough into a relationship for them to care.

I'm super lonely. I try to open up to friends a bit but they're not invested enough in me to consistently be there are friends who have left me after an episode. Or they keep their distance.

Since I'm not able to accept having this condition I'm relying on others to not feel awful. I get some relief just being around other people but my life is very different from theirs and it hurts.

But

I know that I'm lucky. I know that I need to keep on doing my best, keep getting out of bed, keep showing up to my appointments, keep looking for small victories and be compassionate towards myself and others.

I know that I'm lucky. I have therapy and treatment available and free where I live and I know that I can rely on the healthcare system next time I get an episode (because the last 3 years have been a mess)

I know that I'm lucky. I know that I can create coping strategies to not get manic in the pursuit of someone who might understand this a bit or who wants to stick around and that begins with going to bed and focusing on sleep although all you want is to stay up and chat and be inspired

I know that I'm lucky. I can keep on reaching out to other, putting myself in social settings, but damn I think I need to live alone until someone willingly wants to co-habitate with me and this condition (rearranging everything at 3am, making a ton of food, crying loudly in the shower, making a mess of the entire in depressive episodes too not being able to organise or clean or properly cook) I can live alone and that's a privilege.

I know that I'm lucky, as long as I'm still here there is a chance for change.

hey guys, i’ma make this short. lately I been feeling like I’m kinda falling into not sadness but depression. it’s hard for me to cry so I haven’t been able to but sometimes I find myself not really wanting to wake up or getting thoughts like that. i’ve been hitting the nic and before I could take breaks but now it’s hard. my last nic is completely dead and says it’s out of juice and I’ve still been hitting it out of desperation of being able to feel something. i don’t wanna become a nic feen (barely started hitting nic this year) and i have more nics but i keep tryna resist the urge to open one and just blow this last one out. it feels like i’m torn in two.

what should i do ? how do i battle this rising addiction ( I’ve already stopped smoking weed for months , i recently drank , no other vices and i’m medicated with an antipsychotic and antidepressant though i feel like something is missing from my med list because i don’t feel as good as i know i can and it’s been months on the same dosage). how do i beat these crippling feelings and stop hitting the nic ? i wanna open one so bad :(

Disclaimer: I know you are not doctors but maybe someone has been through this or has both bpd and bipolar?

So I just went through a very depressive episode. I was inpatient in a dbt program and I did follow the program and did my homework, it just cost all the energy I had and I was exhausted all the time. I woke up feeling very suicidal everyday and things that used to make me happy, just didn’t. (I LOVE football but when the World Cup started, I didn’t care). Just textbook depression you know.

Now since last week I like ‘switched’. I have a lot of energy, I want to sing 24/7, I keep yapping, I find everything funny etc. I kinda feel like a ticking time bomb too. Tuesday I had an outburst in (my now outpatient) dbt program. All the energy I had in me just transferred into rage. I also can’t concentrate or focus on anything and I frankly don’t care. Therapy has become SO BORING for me and suddenly the people I’m in therapy with, talk too much. Imo. My sleep is okay I guess. I don’t sleep as much as I should but I think it’s fairly okay. I don’t feel tired anymore tho. When I wake up, I’m not at all suicidal anymore, I feel very energised and motivated. The only thing I don’t like about my state rn is that my hallucinations (I always have them) are way worse, not only during the night, but now during the day too.

I often have these ‘episodes’ or switches and always thought it was euphoria as a part of bpd. Now, Thursday I went to my psychiatrist and she immediately told me she was worried and that she thinks I’m manic. I told her that it’s not that deep and that I always do this. She then proceeded to say that she doesn’t want to ‘under treat’ (I don’t know if I translated that correctly) me in case I also do have bipolar disorder. The program I’m in doesn’t really believe in medication but she did prescribe me 2 new medications. 1 antipsychotic and 1 mood stabiliser. I honestly haven’t taken them yet cus I honestly don’t want to. I don’t want to be depressed again, and I also don’t wanna be an unmotivated brainless zombie.

Is anyone willing to share their experience? Should I give the medication a chance? Has all the work I put into the program been for nothing?

So I typed this out 6 ish weeks ago and wanted to post it to r/bpd but they didn’t let me so I just gave up lol. So I wanted to give an update.

They threw me out of treatment cus I didn’t want to take my meds and cus I never apologised for the outburst and cus I was never paying attention and being disruptive. I now go to my psychiatrist of said dbt course once every 2 weeks.

I still feel motivated, go out everyday,.. I wanted to look for work but they won’t let me because I’m still on disability or something idfk. I am always chasing some adrenaline so I sometimes I do things I don’t even want but do at the time I’m doing them. I got an ugly tattoo, I spent €500 in all those weeks, which caused me to get scammed and have my freaking accounts blocked, and I fell back into my old habit of occasionally doing coke. I sometimes want to try ‘every drug under the sun’ and then order a new substance. Which I DEFINITELY don’t want to do. At night when I can’t sleep, I am trying to find out whether my parents are actually my parents. (long story but I do have the right to have my suspicions). Idk everything went so fast and now shit is weird as hell.

Like it was all fun and games at first and now I sometimes have these moments of clarity where I’m genuinely wondering wtf is going on. Don’t get me wrong I’m still euphoric 80% of the time but I’m so out of proportion mad too sometimes. And wondering why I am like this.

Someone has experienced this before?
Let me know

I have been bipolar for the past 4 weeks. On and off. I’ve gotten hypomanic, depressed, crying spells, annoying heat flashes, starving fits, and my question is how the fuck does someone with bipolar get through life that way??!!

I’ve worked my retail job, dog walked, had some freaking stressful dance practice for a team recital next week.

I feel so much pressure n stress.

I don’t have a deadline but sometime mid week im determined to wait for a substitute job and take it. I have been waiting for school and students to come back. It’s my 4th year subbing.

But the fuckery am I supposed to manage all my stressors the next few weeks??? When will this freaking episode end?

And can I get some advice or sympathy or suggestions ?????? of what’s helpful for ending this episode quicker without cancelling the dance the job and the school job D:

What are coping technique and going forward feeling down and depression?????

Hi! I’m Local Cat! I’m not diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but I had some questions about it if yall don’t mind answering.

1. ⁠⁠What do you wish non-bipolar people actually understood about living with it, not the stereotypes, but the real day-to-day stuff?
2. ⁠⁠How do you tell the difference between a mood swing that's part of bipolar and just... being human?
3. ⁠⁠what are some ways that would be most helpful in supporting a loved one through a manic episode and through a depressive episode?
4. ⁠⁠What's something you wish your loved ones knew about how to support you during a manic episode vs a depressive one?
5. ⁠what are the most common things people get wrong about bipolar that actually make things harder for you?
6. ⁠what's one thing you wish people stopped saying to you when you're struggling?
7. ⁠how do you know when you're starting to shift into a different mood state, and what helps you catch it early?
8. ⁠what's the difference between being supportive and being enabling, in your experience?
9. What are common triggers of mania/ depressive episodes that you wish people understood/ knew about?

Hello, I had a question about the diagnosis portion of this equation. I have a family member who is diagnosed bipolar and wanted to get tested to see if I have it as well. I had one appointment with a psychiatrist but the copay was too expensive for me to pay and I'm not sure of any other ways to get a diagnosis other than a psychiatrist or psychologist. Does anyone have any recommendations?