u/IlovePizzaHeLikesSex

So, I have atypical anorexia and have struggled with an ED for 20 years.

I’m a professional actor and I just got an audition for a woman who is pregnant and the instructions states “show us how far along you are with a full body spin”

I’m just so fucking mortified. The fact that my AGENTS even submitted me for this is horrifying. The fact that my audition was accepted and even wanted to be seen BY the casting director is distressing.

I feel so disgusted, traumatized, angry, embarrassed and ashamed. I declined the audition by stating “I’m chubby- not pregnant” and I used the word CHUBBY which I never use because it’s so shameful.

My friends are saying maybe they could have strapped a belly on me, but it’s the principle of the matter- that I’m fat enough to be considered for this.

I just want to cry and fall into a hole and not emerge until I’m a twig again. Trying not to use destructive behaviors.

So today I went for a mile long walk around the neighborhood with my fiancé.

I haven’t gone on a walk in two years and admittedly, I’m really ashamed of that.

I go to get my ketamine treatment once a week and that’s the only time I ever leave the house. I am really proud of myself and I even bought myself new shoes as motivation to try and leave the house and exercise more.